What is a sibling? According to Mr. Webster, world famous definer of terms, a sibling is,” One of two or more persons born of the same parents...; brother or sister.” This definition makes it sounds so nice, so simple. Unfortunately, being a successful sibling is a little more complicated.

In my family I’m the oldest of four children. I’m 18; my brother Jason is 15; my sister Jennifer is 8; and Jonathan, the youngest, is 4. On the outside, we are four angelic kids who would never exchange cross words. Reality is not so pretty. Not only do we exchange cross words, but we use bazookas to get our point across. Our house after an argument looks like the Island of Pompeii, after the volcano! We don’t always get along as well as we should, but we’re learning together to avoid the situations that lead to the eruptions.

For example, my brother Jason happens to have the spiritual gift of serving. He senses automatically any problem and (usually) takes the necessary steps to correct it. When Jason and I clash, it is often over something that he has noticed that I should have done and haven’t, or something that he has done that I haven’t thanked him for. A typical conversation:

Jason: Would you take your coat hangers off the door?

Josh: Why? At least I didn’t throw them on the floor.

Jason: They don’t belong on the door!

Josh: You want them moved, you move them!

Jason: Oh, is that the thanks I get for mowing the lawn yesterday? (Note: We have a 285-acre lawn. Really.)

Josh: Thanks.

Jason:  It’s too late to thank me now!

Will Josh pick up the hangers? Will Jason strangle his older brother? Will Lassie pull Timmie from the quicksand? The Bible states in Proverbs 18:19a, “A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city,” and it’s true. An offended brother is also hard to live with. Especially when your “little” brother weighs 50 lbs. more than you and is an inch taller. The lesson I learned is to make sure to notice what he’s done and thank him, no matter how insignificant it may seem. This applies to all you out there with serving-gifted siblings. Take it from one who knows, thanking them now is much better than untangling coat hangers from your face.

    Then there’s my sweet, innocent, little sister Jennifer (theme music from Jaws). She’s 8-years old going on 35. Jennifer has the strongest take-charge attitude and ability I have ever seen in someone so young. The other day she marched into the house with a most indignant look on her face and announced, “Mom, Josh and Jason just won’t mind me today!” You get the picture. Sometimes I feel that she allows us to live at home.

Jonathan, my 4-year old brother has the sweetest and most sensitive spirit in the world. During the movie Bambi, he always cries when Bambi’s mother gets killed by the hunter. (Jason almost got us kicked out of the theatre when he yelled, “GREAT SHOT!”) Jonathan is very good at cheering people up when they feel bad. At age 3, he would walk up to my mom, who was trying to get ready for church, and say  (unprompted) “Mom, you look so nice today.” Breaks your heart doesn’t it?

But despite the sweetness of the two younger kids, we still clash. Most fre­quently our battles arise over matters of authority. For instance: does Jason have the authority to tell Jennifer (nicely) not to do her tax-returns in his note­book? Of course he does. Does Jason have the authority to tell Jennifer to take a nap? He says yes; she says no. Big fight.

Since Jason and I are not allowed to discipline Jennifer and Jonathan, we are required to bide our time until the PARENTAL AUTHORITY returns. Patience is difficult as these little inci­dents arise:

Jonathan (crying): Jennifer just hit me!

Josh and Jason (reading): With what? Jonathan (still crying): With her Mutsy. (stuffed dog)

Jennifer (nervous): I didn’t MEAN to! I was chasing him and swinging Mutsy at his head, and I ACCIDENTALLY hit him.

Josh (still reading): Jonathan, ask her nicely not to do that.

Jason (not reading any more): Hit her back. Here use this baseball bat. Josh (also not reading any more): Jason, don’t give him a bat!

Jason (mad): It’s MY BAT! Josh (REALLY mad): I don’t care whose bat it is! DON’T TELL HIM TO HIT SOMEONE WITH IT!

Mom & Dad (entering house): What are these holes in the walls and ceilings?

And so we’re back where we started: volcanic eruption.

In this situation the most important thing for those of us who are older sib­lings to remember is not to abuse the authority we have, but instead use it to try and sustain life until Mom and Dad come home.

I relate these little stories to say that, although at times it is difficult, liv­ing in harmony is indeed possible. In between the eruptions my family does get along most of the time. We just try and remember that God has blessed us with completely different gifts and per­sonalities. If we learn to relate to our siblings’ gifts and personalities now while we’re at home, living and working in harmony with others will be easier for the rest of our lives. With God’s help, anything is possible— even repairing bat holes in the ceiling!