Dear Dr. Science, What is the use of those little strings that grow on bananas?

Johnny Brown, Jr., Vashon Island, WA

Those are put there by the American Dental Association to encourage floss­ing. They’ve only been successful in including them in bananas and corn, but I hear apples are next. Personally, I think they should just include tooth­paste and a toothbrush. I find the little strings annoying.

Dear Dr. Science, Every autumn my mechanic says I have to take the summer air out of my tires and put in winter air. Why is this?

Q.C., Austin, TX

Leaving summer air in your tires is extremely dangerous. It will result in your car continually head­ing south. After allowing your attention to lapse on the freeway, you will find yourself at the beach. Your radio will play nothing but Beach Boys, and your windows will keep rolling down by themselves.

Dear Dr. Science,.

Why do telephone cords coil up on themselves?

Kit Ketchum, Edina, MN

Telephone cords are coiled because they are made of an extended double helix of pure DNA. They are the purest natural­ly occurring protein, followed by dog hair and Cheetos.

Dear Dr. Science,

Within a few weeks I hope to be receiv­ing my doctorate in American Studies, culminating ten years of higher education at a relatively prestigious state university. As the fateful day approaches, I find myself overwhelmed with a sense of impending doom. I can’t help but wonder if I’ve wasted not only the past decade, but my whole life. Do you have any advice for people like me?

R.A., Ft. Collins, CO

I do, but you might not want to hear it. Cut your losses. Admit you’ve made some mistakes in the past and get on with your life. Your local community college or trade school probably offers a program in auto repair or restaurant management, and they often help place their graduates in the job market. Cosmetology and television repair are based on real-life needs of society. Face it; you’ve been had.

Thank you, Dr. Science!