Dear Dr. Science:

If sound can’t travel in a vacuum, how come vacuum cleaners make so much noise?

E.C., Minnetonka, MN

Vacuum cleaners are, in themselves, silent. What makes the noise you find SC) offensive are the actual particles of dirt and pollution in the space being cleaned. Now if your living room were clean when you vacuumed, then your vacuum cleaner would make no noise at all.

The flaw in all this, of course, is that if your living room was clean, you wouldn’t be vacuuming. Since there is no such thing as a perfectly clean living room, scientists had to prove this hypothesis by vacuuming in outer space, which is both a perfect vacuum and incredibly clean. Astronauts reported that even the most powerful, poorly maintained vacuum cleaners made absolutely no noise in space. Millions of your tax dollars went toward proving this.

Dear Dr. Science:

Where does styling mousse come from?

Herky, Iowa City

Styling mousse is extracted from the Sassoon gland of the Missouri musk weasel. Cosmetologists would like us to think it comes from a moose, but the fact is that the gland of a moose produces styling gel, a different product altogether. Like its confectionary counterpart — chocolate mousse, styling mousse has no nutritional value. Misuse of styling mousse is a felony. So next time you see someone with spiked hair, whisper a prayer of thanks that you don’t have the glands of a dead weasel on your head.

Thank you, Dr. Science!