By Gretchen Glaser
I know, you think I’m really crazy to say that Jimmy Stewart has anything to say on marriage 
, but he does! In the movie “Shenandoah” he plays “Mr. Anderson,” and Mr. Anderson has some very true things to say to a young man about women and marriage in a couple of the scenes! In fact, they were so good, I wrote them down so that I could include them here!
There’s nothing like seeing it on the video, complete with Mr. Stewart’s expressions, but I hope you get a picture of it here… The movie, though a very good one—a definite tear-jerker!—has a few fairly violent scenes in it (it’s set in the Civil War), so I wouldn’t recommend it for younger viewers. However, I told my dad that it’s a requirement for the man I marry to see it, especially the parts I quote, before he marries me!
The following scene has Mr. Anderson—whose wife, Martha, died, leaving him with a houseful of children—in the sitting room with Samuel—a young man in the military, a beau* of Mr. Anderson’s daughter, Jenny—who has just come to speak with him…
Sam: Well, to come straight to the point of the matter, Sir, I want to ask for your daughter’s hand.
Mr. A.: You mean you want to marry her, Sam?
Sam: Yes, Sir.
Mr. A.: Why do you want to marry her?
Sam: Well, I love her, Mr. Anderson.
Mr. A.: That’s not good enough, Sam.
Sam: I beg your pardon?
Mr. A.: Do you like her?
Sam: Well, I just said I—
Mr. A.: No, no, you said you loved her. There’s some difference between lovin’ and likin’. When I married Jenny’s mother I didn’t love her, I liked her. I liked her a whole lot. I liked Martha for at least 3 years after we were married, and then one day it just dawned on me I loved her. I still do…I still do. You see Sam, when you love a woman without likin’ her the night can be long and cold and contempt comes up with the sun, and…Do you understand all this I’m tellin’ ya?
Sam: Yes, Sir.
Mr. A.: Well?
Sam: Oh, well, I like Jenny, Sir. I’ve always liked her.
Mr. A.: Then you be good to her, because if you don’t, it’s between you and me, boy.
Sam: Thank you, Sir. Thank you, Sir!
What Mr. Anderson says here is true…it goes along with the fact that love is a choice, not a feeling.
This scene takes place on the front porch, at a later time…
Mr. A.: It’s no easy job, Sam, to take care of a woman.
Sam: No, Sir.
Mr. A.: They expect things they never ask for, and when they don’t get them, they ask you why. Sometimes they don’t ask, and they just go ahead and punish you for not doing something you didn’t know you were supposed to do in the first place.
Sam: What, for instance, Sir?
Mr. A.: Well that’s a very difficult question to answer, Sam. You’re never quite sure. It’s sorta, you might say, relative.
Sam: Relative to what, Sir?
Mr. A.: To how they’re feeling at the moment.
Sam: And how’s that?
Mr. A.: You never know.
Sam: Well, I don’t believe I really understand what you’re trying to tell me, Sir.
Mr. A.: I know, I know, I never understood it myself. It’s just one of those things, Sam. It’s around; you just don’t ever see it. Now suppose Jenny started to cry one day. You don’t know why, so you ask her what she’s cryin’ about. You ask her, and she won’t tell ya. And that’s when you ask what you did that caused her to cry. She still won’t tell you, and that’s when you start to get angry. But don’t get angry, Sam. She won’t tell you why she’s cryin’ because she doesn’t know. Women are like that, Sam. It’s exasperating, it’s, it’s—! But don’t let it make ya angry. When she gets like that, just walk up and hug her a little bit. ‘Cause that’s all they really want when they’re like that, Sam. A little lovin’. You understand me, don’t ya?
Sam: No, Sir.
Mr. A.: You don’t, huh?
By this time in the video, my whole family was laughing! The way Mr. Anderson says it, in the good ol’ Jimmy Stewart style, makes it so funny…But the truth is, every word of it was truth! I know, I know, you don’t think (or at least don’t want to admit) that we women are like this, but I know, from observing other women around me , and just plain from knowing my own moods, that we are like this. The problem is, men can’t understand us when we’re like this, ‘cause they aren’t like this! Thus, the value of Mr. Anderson passing on to his future son-in-law the wisdom he learned in his marriage.
It all goes along with preparing for marriage, instead of just viewing the time of dating, courtship, or whatever you want to call it as a time for fun and games. Don’t try out the advice of the old saying, “Marry in haste, repent at leisure”!
I suggest you stick this issue of The P31 away in a file somewhere to save for the day when you are courtin’, and want to prepare your beau for what you’ll be like!
*For those of you who aren’t old enough, or haven’t read enough old-fashioned books to know what “beau” means , here’s how the dictionary defines it: “[Old-fashioned] a woman’s sweetheart.”
Comments are closed.