By Jennifer Quackenbush
August 18, 1996
“We…talked tonight about church. Something’s got to change or we’ve got to leave. Oh, Lord! What a battle is going on; all my friends are in it, too! Where to go, what to do??! Grant us wisdom!”
September 15, 1996
“Some weeks I wonder why we’re leaving church, other weeks I wonder why we’re staying…”
October 13 1996
“Oh, Lord, this church situation is tearing us to pieces inside! It is so hard!”
November 24, 1996
“This morning was church. I had a resistant spirit. I really did not want to be there. I was very proud and judgmental, too…”
December 4, 1996
“Lord, help me not to feel so apathetic about it all. I know I need corporate worship and accountability through a church, but I have fed myself and been fed through for a long time, and I go to church for the sake of the people. Well, I do like the worship service, but I am tired of dealing with this whole thing…”
Do any of these thoughts and feelings (actual excerpts from my journal) sound familiar? Our generation is in the midst of a “cultural war” and the church as a whole is either doing nothing about it or blending in with the world. This has made it next to impossible for “remnant families” (those who have established God’s standards in their lives) to be happy at a traditional church. These families generally fall into one of two groups-Puritans or Separatists.
Remember the Puritans? They were the members of the Church of England who wanted to purify it, to change it from within. Today they are the families who, though unhappy at their church, rough it out, hoping their influence will change the church for the better. Sometimes they succeed. Sometimes they don’t.
Then there are the Separatists. In history, they were the members of the Church of England who left the church and eventually fled the country due to persecution. Today, they are the families who leave their churches and look for others more like-minded—or begin their own.
I have been both a Puritan and a Separatist, and through both experiences the Lord has taught me valuable lessons. Allow me to share a few of them with you.
1. Find a brook or a widow’s jar.
When Elijah’s nation of Israel, God’s chosen nation, was judged by God with a drought, there was very little food in the land. This did not cause Elijah to stop eating. God sent him to a brook and ravens brought him bread and meat. Maybe it wasn’t a feast, but it was sufficient.
Later, Elijah had to leave the brook and the nation of Israel altogether, the equivalent of you leaving your church. He journeyed to a foreign country and there was fed by a widow’s jar of oil and bin of meal. This food was scantier than the Brook Cherith menu, but still quite adequate.
God has provided for Christians’ spiritual food and fellowship to come from the local church. But if that church is under His judgement, as the nation of Israel was, God will miraculously provide “food and fellowship” from other sources—even outside of the church body altogether, if necessary.
In my own life, I know that the encouragement of a strong family, like-minded friends, a spiritually-rich school curriculum, and daily quiet time has been immeasurable. Any “hunger pains” have quickly been dulled by one of these.
2. Be a Joseph.
Don’t you just love Joseph? Here was a man who just flat out had faith. Rather than let his circumstances get him down, he served. If God allowed things to change Joseph’s plan, he didn’t get upset. He just served again. (Gen. 39:4, 40:4)
As a Puritan, find an opportunity in your church to serve. There will always be one! When I grew tired of my church’s youth group, and they made some changes that were not advantageous to our family, I started teaching children’s Sunday School. That ministry provided tremendous purpose, experience, and blessing. Seek God’s direction for a place of service, but have initiative, too. Volunteer! Use the talents God has given you! As Joseph served Potiphar, he learned the skills and character necessary for leadership of Egypt.
If you are a Separatist right now, looking for a church, find an outside place of service. Start a Bible study for like-minded young ladies in your area, or if you are already part of one, see how you can help the leader. Since leaving our church, I have started a simple two-page newsletter for one such Bible study. It has been a wonderful blessing to me, and the young ladies like it, too! 
Is there a ministry you can get involved with? What about your homeschool support group? Are there needy people you can minister to? This is not “time off.” Joseph could have had that attitude when he was in prison, and if he had, he would have stayed there!
- Be a David.1
David lived under a wicked ruler, but that ruler was God’s anointed. David could have started a revolution. He could have split the kingdom. Twice he had the “perfect” opportunity to kill Saul. But David waited. He prayed. He did not even condemn or judge Saul. He left that to God.
As a Puritan, you will be sorely tempted to judge others, to condemn them, and to start a faction in the church. Yet God’s Word clearly speaks against any of these. ‘”Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgement.” (1 Corinthians 1:10) “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” (Matthew 7:1) The key to overcoming a judgmental spirit (and who does not struggle with one?) is love and humility. “For [love] shall cover the multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8) and “What hast thou that thou didst not receive?” (1 Corinthians 4:7)
If you are a Separatist, make sure you leave quietly, as David did. You need now to be careful not to cut off ties with those at the church you left. Work extra hard at those friendships. I confess this is an area I have not done very well in. It’s easy to be cliquish with the like-minded and leave the rest.
David could easily have destroyed his friendship with Jonathan because Jonathan was the king’s son. He could have said, “Look, we don’t have the same goals. I’ve left the kingdom now.” But instead, the friendship became even stronger through the difficulties, and Jonathan was a great encouragement to David. Later, David was able to show kindness to Jonathan’s son, and through it give us a picture of redemption. Love is the bond of perfection (see Colossians 3:14). It goes beyond doctrinal differences.
David said, “…I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with a bridle, while the wicked is before me.” (Psalms 39:1) It will be quite difficult, but avoid talking evil about your church. Run from gossip. Don’t dwell on the negative. If you’re a Puritan and someone asks why you are not participating in a certain activity, or if you are a Separatist and someone asks why you have left the church, try my mother’s gentle answer: “We don’t feel it is right for our family.” That’s enough for most people. If you are asked your opinion on a general issue (i.e., music), be honest, but don’t bring your church into the answer. Above all, be humble.
4. Don’t forbid those who don’t follow.
“And John answered him, saying, ‘Master, we saw one casting out devils in thy name, and he followeth not us: and we forbad him, because he followeth not us.’ But Jesus said, ‘Forbid him not: for there is no man which shall do a miracle in My name, that can lightly speak evil of me. For he that is not against us is for us.’” (Mark 9:38-40)
The Separatists and the Puritans generally didn’t like or support each other, at least not at first. Then the Separatists fled to America, and a few years later the Puritans followed. It was not long before they ceased to be Separatists and Puritans, and became simply colonists. And while we call those early New England colonists “Puritans,” they were all, in essence, “Separatists,” for they all left the Church of England when they came to America.
There will be people at your church who agree with you on the problems, but who disagree with you on the solutions. Many families feel that it is a poor testimony to the unity of believers to leave a church. They feel there is no Scriptural basis to do so. Your church is like a family—you don’t bail out when times get tough.
Other families believe it is dangerous to remain in a church where there are things that might influence weaker members (including children) to become worldly. They feel that since their first priority is to their family, then if the family is losing their love for the Lord due to the church, they must leave.
Which is right? We could argue either side all day. But is that really the point? God calls different people to different things at different times. “Who art thou that judgest another man?” (Romans 14:4) The Puritans and Separatists didn’t make the impact they might have in England. But when they banded together in the colonies, they laid the cornerstone for a nation.
John was worried about one who didn’t follow, yet used Jesus’ name. Jesus said for John not to forbid this one. The analogy is for us to remember that everyone will not take the same course of action we do. But if they are working in Christ’s name, He can use them greatly.
5. Go back to Nazareth.2
“And He went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them…” The ultimate decision about whether you leave or stay at a church will rest with your parents. You may not like their decision, or even feel it is God’s will. It’s all right to humbly voice your concerns to them, but then accept.
Jesus was ready to begin His earthly ministry at the age of twelve. His parents said, “Wait.” So Jesus waited, and in the meantime grew in wisdom, stature, and favor with God and man. God will use the waiting times in our lives and decisions we don’t understand. He will cause all things to work together for good for those who love Him (see Romans 8:28). You prove your love to God by obeying Him. One of His commands is for us to honor our parents.
Trust that whatever they decide is God’s will for you. He will reward your submissive attitude—watch and see!
- You don’t enter the Promised Land without a fight.
Can you imagine if Joshua had said, “You mean there are people in Canaan already? We’ve got to fight for it? That might hurt!” Sometimes this is our attitude. As Puritans, we stay at our churches for the purpose of changing them, but get discouraged when that doesn’t happen overnight. As Separatists, we join a new church and become disillusioned when it is not what we hoped. Our eyes are still often set on “the way it was in Egypt.” But things will never be like they were. Accept it. Then learn to rejoice in how they are. Remember that God fought with and for Israel.
Take heart. This is not the end! Elijah eventually came back to Israel, and God sent rain. Joseph became second in command over Egypt. David became king over Israel. John became a mighty apostle and New Testament author. And Israel obtained the land. None of these situations ever went back to the way it had been. But in each one, God did something better.
We cannot now see the reasons God has for the church trials He allows. Perhaps you will need these lessons someday as a pastor’s wife or in a ministry of your own. But trust Him, that though man may mean this for evil, He means it for good (see Gen. 50:20). He is our Rock, and His way is perfect!
Notes: All Scripture references are King James Version.
1 See Gene Edwards’ book A Tale of Three Kings for further insight into the relationship of David to Saul and how it relates to Christians in difficult churches today. I highly recommend this book.
2 While I wrote this article without looking at any sources other than my Bible and journal, I am indebted to the godly insights of others which came to my mind as I wrote. Particularly noteworthy is the insight on Jesus at age twelve which I heard Mr. Bill Gothard explain.
Jennifer Quackenbush, 19, lives with her parents, sister, and brothers. Besides writing, she enjoys cooking, sewing, cross-stitch, and piano. She is looking forward to belonging to a church again (Lord willing, soon). Jennifer would like to say “thanks” to her family and friends for making the church transition easier!
This article was reprinted with permission from HopeChest Magazine.
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