Gretchen’s Reflections
…on men in general
by Gretchen Louise
Men and women are different. An elementary concept, but how soon we forget it! God created males and females to fill two separate roles, to respect and help each other. He made the man to be in authority over woman, to love and protect her. He made woman to be man’s helper, to raise his children and cook his food. Men and women were created differently from each other, but our culture has tried to make everything unisex and tell us we’re equal—though it is so obvious we are unique.
While few of us would claim to agree with, or label ourselves as feminists, I am afraid we sometimes err as they do. We may realize men are different from us, but we view it as a bad thing. When is the last time you really appreciated the fact that men are different? Or is it just the subject of jokes and snide comments? Let’s face it, girls…we love men because they are different! If they were just like us, we wouldn’t be attracted to all their dear ways! “Opposites attract” because that’s what makes it fun, exciting, and interesting.
Have you thanked the men in your life (whether they be father, brother, grandpa, or beau) for being the strong one, to bear the brunt of the load? Have you openly admired their masculine qualities? The best way for them to appreciate and cater to the feminine, tender side in us is for us to appreciate their manliness.
While at times the differences between the genders can be frustrating—and occasionally it helps to look at it from the lighter side—never put men down. That does not honor them, and will do nothing to further your relationship with them.
Those who know my brother and I now wouldn’t guess it, but we didn’t used to have a great relationship. He annoyed me like crazy when we were younger, and I always bossed him around. But thankfully, the Lord worked on my heart, and over time our relationship was completely changed. I realized that he and the other boys in my life just teased me ‘cause they loved me (teasing may very well be the “sixth love language” for many boys! 
), and that I couldn’t reform them by “preaching”—I just had to love them and put up with their boyish ways—and now my brothers and boy cousins are some of my dearest friends.
Not all stories have a “perfect ending” (I am blessed to be related to very wonderful and understanding young men) but please remember that you have a huge influence on the life of every boy or man you know. Be careful, then, how you use it. If you think they’re gross and impolite, they most likely will be that and more—but if you believe they can be chivalrous gentlemen and loving friends, they will try to live up to your unspoken standard. If they once know your disgust for vulgarity or profanity, they will remember it. And if they know your morals and values, the thought of you may come back to them at the moment they are about to make a decision. You little know how far your influence can go.
And don’t forget—if we want them to be gentlemen, we better be deserving ladies! Here are a few reminders…
Accept & Ignore
I am well aware that men and boys may be gross, immature, and uncaring at times—but we may be silly, petty, and grumpy at times. Let’s accept the fact that we’re all human! If we want them to excuse our little failings, let’s overlook theirs, too. Focus on their good qualities (everyone has something lovable about them if you look hard enough!) and soon you’ll forget they had any bad ones. And you’ll find, as I finally learned, that many times boys just tease or test you to get a reaction. If you ignore it, or show no annoyance, pretty soon they’ll tire of it—or you’ll realize they do it ‘cause they love you, and you’ll learn to enjoy it.
Love & Appreciate
Give men a chance! Learn to love and appreciate them for who they are, and in so doing you’ll be making way for a much better relationship with them. It’s all in your outlook!
What does it say to our dad and brothers if you proclaim you will never marry, or generalize all males as gross? The way we view men and marriage is easily perceived by others. Are we showing forth a loving spirit? Are we showing that Christian young women view guys differently?
Understanding love languages and personality types is key to knowing how to relate to and show love to the different men in our lives. You’ll learn to distinguish whether your dad or brother would rather have you make his bed (acts of service), have a deep conversation with him (quality time), give him a hug (touch), give him a gift (gift giving), or compliment him (words of encouragement). And you’ll realize that the way he acts sometimes just has to do with his personality type, and not with you. When I realized my brother was an Analytical and thus naturally tended to be introverted and pessimistic, I stopped being offended by it. (Refer to the Winter 2000 YLCF Journal or visit http://www.ylcf.org/you/for more on the topic of personality types & love languages.)
Submit & Serve
Lastly, we can better our relationships with men by submitting to and serving them. God created men to be leaders. We are not to be over them. So let them lead! We can be such a witness and testimony through our submissive spirit. And if we practice submission now, even in our guy-girl friendships, how much easier it will be to submit to our husband someday! (Remember, it is the attitude of submission that is important. You don’t have to “obey” every man you know, but try to show submissiveness to their ideas and opinions whenever possible.)
By serving the men in our lives, we are showing our love and care for them and being the “helper” God intended us to be, the “servant of all.” (Genesis 2:18 & Mark 9:35)
But don’t forget to let them do the “man stuff.” Allow them to be gentlemen. Let them open your door and lift heavy objects. Men are stronger. We are the weaker vessel and were created that way. Let men be men, for goodness’ sake! May we never be offended when a man offers to help us! An illustration Elisabeth Elliot uses in Quest for Love is a college student holding the door open for his classmate, who indignantly asked, “Did you open that door for me because I’m a lady?!” His classic reply was, “No, I did it because I’m a gentleman.” May we be godly, caring, serving young ladies, deserving of such gentlemen friends as he!
Originally published in issue #30, Spring 2001
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