by Brett Johnson
Excerpts from Convergence, by Brett Johnson
Published by The Institute Press – Used by permission
1. Relationships are like painting a picture.
You need three things, used in the correct sequence. First, there is the pencil of friendship. The broad outlines of the relationship are sketched out with a pencil. The boundaries are established, the price of making changes is low, and it involves some erasing and redoing.
Second is the black ink pen for adding detail and definiteness to the relationship. This is the season where you discover each others’ spiritual gifts, and whether your giftings and passion for God are compatible.
Finally comes the color. Color is added when the physical relationship begins. Generally, there is little chance of going back and picking up the pencil again, or adding black ink details once the physical gets fired up.
Imagine painting a picture of a town. There’s the:
● overall layout (your world view)
● the post office (how you communicate)
● the bank (what you feel about finances)
● the school-house (your thoughts on education)
● the church (your views on the church and philosophy of ministry)
● the hospital (health care, aging, value of life)
● the park (your thoughts on recreation)
● the movie theatre (what you feel about entertainment)
● the police station (how you think about law and order)
● the business center (your thoughts on career and making money)
● the town hall (your views on government, patriotism and nationality)
You get the picture. When we frame a relationship with physical involvement and we are on a course of commitment without understanding these fundamental things, we radically impair the likelihood of success.
2. Different commitments are appropriate at different times.
3. Regulate, regulate, regulate.
A particular danger with e-mail relationships is that people are prone to say much more than they would in person.
4. Consider the short-term questions first:
Do I want to get to know him/her? What are her/his personality traits? What experiences in my life does he/she need (and not need) to know? What are his/her views on the big areas of life (beyond the staring-me-in-the-face relationship issues)?
5. Learn to ask God questions first.
Early in a relationship it is exciting and easy to talk. When problems arise we go to that person to get his/her counsel. But a time will come when God says, “When you have an issue, talk to me first.” A big part of this is to ensure that we do not put our relationships with others ahead of him.
6. Love God first and more.
Matthew 6:33 says “Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness…” Then comes everything else. The world’s way is to scheme and to get your own way, then ask for God’s seal of approval. At this stage we harvest what we planted, and blessing is not a guaranteed result.
Brett Johnson is “the original founder of FATBoys, Fathers Against Teenage Boys.” 
He and his wife Lyn live with their three children in California. In addition, he is the founder of The Institute for Innovation, Integration, & Impact (http://www.inst.net/). He pastored a church in South Africa for five years, and has served as an advisor to many companies and church organizations.
You’ll want to check out his book, Convergence, especially for the chapter on choosing your spouse, including his story of how he met his wife Lyn. Visit http://www.convergencebook.com/ for more.
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