January 30, 1999

When Am I Ever Going To Have To Use This?

by Joshua Carden

If you’re a home school parent, chances are, you’ve heard this phrase a few thousand times.  If you’re a home school student, chances are, you’ve said this phrase a few thousand times.  Or at least you’ve thought it really loud.  My brother Jason and I said it plenty of times.  You know the situation – you’re doing your algebra or maybe your sentence diagramming and finally you just can’t take it anymore and you can’t see how ANY NORMAL HUMAN would EVER have to do ANYTHING SO TRIVIAL OR IRRELEVANT in the course of human existence.   And the words come out, seemingly from nowhere: “When am I ever going to have to use this?!?” 

Now, there are several answers that an intelligent home school parent could give.  And if it’s too early in the morning for intelligent answers, the old standby “Because I’m your mother/father, and I say you’ll have to use it!”  will work just as well.  However, for the ultimate answer, I have to go with the one from (not that I’m prejudiced here): my mother.  After what must have been a truly trying experience with my brother Jason and me, she ended the question - once and for all.  She was very subtle; I have to give her that.  She never said a word.  One morning, Jason and I woke up and began the daily routine.  We hadn’t ventured two steps from our room when Jason said “What’s that?”  My eyes followed his finger.  There in front of us was a huge colorful poster entitled “When Am I Ever Going to Have to Use This?”   It was arranged in columns.  Down the side was listed every educational subject imaginable.  Across the top, the top 100 major professions were listed, with check marks in every subject used in each profession.   We were mesmerized.  Our argument was ruined.  There were no loopholes to exploit.  No end-run around it.  The question died that day.  We tried to think of jobs that weren’t on the list.  I think “professional hobo” may not have been on the list, but then again, I haven’t checked back for updates.  Now I’m sure all you moms out there are wondering “Where can I get a poster like that?”  I am equally sure that you kids are waiting with bated breath to see if I am going to kill the question for you as well.   To cut to the chase: I don’t know.  Sorry.