August 6, 2001
Suited, Sweating & Splinted: Near-Attorney at Law
by Joshua Carden
You know, I once heard a wise person say that college did absolutely nothing to prepare him for what he did later in life. It was probably either my dad with his Psychology major (he said he picked it because it sounded cool at parties), or it could have been my mom with her Radio/TV major (she’s called in to some radio shows before). But I have to disagree – college prepared me to go to law school. But I spent this summer learning that law school itself does NOTHING to prepare you for the actual practice of law! Oh, sure, I know how to research a little better, my legal writing and analysis skills have improved, I’ll have another degree to hang on the wall, yada, yada, yada. But drop me in the middle of a small-town law firm and boy, my ignorance shows up as plain as the nose on Jimmy Durante’s face! My summer is definitely another reason why apprenticeship is the way to go!
I was blessed to find a Christian attorney in my hometown who hired me as a law clerk this summer. He put me right to work. I was filing papers, drafting lawsuits, going to court with him, the whole nine yards. I even got to probate a will! But I learned right quick that law school had neglected certain aspects of my education such as: where is the clerk’s office? Who do I file these papers with? How much does it cost to do that? Not that it’s the school’s fault, really. I mean, after all, they’re in Virginia and I’m in working in Weatherford, Texas. It’s been quite a learning curve since I first got here in May. I’ve been able to do everything a lawyer does, except collect the fees!
Being back in Weatherford has made me appreciate home all over again. I shared a room this summer with my almost-13-years-old brother Jonathan. Aside from his occasional sneezing and talking in his sleep, it was a nice arrangement. Definitely beat the snoring I used to hear when I shared a room with my brother Jason! However, I’m sure Jonathan is looking forward to being able to keep his room clean after I’m gone. I’ve decided there are basically three phases to coming home after being gone for so long. Phase I: you are so glad to be somewhere besides school you just want to curl up and sleep for days. Phase II: you remember those things about your family that drive you crazy. Phase III: You remember those things about YOU that drives your FAMILY crazy, and you all adjust and enjoy the rest of the summer. Fortunately, I managed to get to Phase III fairly quickly, even though it was my first full summer at home in about seven years!
I went to my usual quota of weddings and managed to escape without adding new garters to my collection. (unlike the bouquet toss, with the guys the garter rule is “if it hits you in the chest, you have to catch it!”) After one of the weddings, a bunch of my college friends got together to play basketball. It had been a year since I had played basketball. Old readers…er, experienced readers, will remember that I had broken a bone in my left hand on that occasion (See article entitled “Those are the Breaks”). Well, I made it 2 for 2. In my first basketball outing since breaking my left hand, I broke my left thumb. I got a different kind of splint this time, that left me the use of my other four fingers. That was nice. But it was back to freezer bags over the hand in the shower and the whole bit. Of course, that was the week I was scheduled to play for church. My pastor informed me that I was the best nine-fingered pianist he’d seen ALL day! (Think about it.) For a while, I decided maybe that God wanted me to give up basketball, but I played last week and came out without a scratch. I think it’s because the wives of my friends who played were all praying for me!
To get my thumb fixed, I went to our family doctor in Weatherford. As experienced readers will remember, I don’t like going to the doctor. In fact, though he is considered our family doctor, I’d actually never been to see him before. My mom showed up at the doctor’s office a little before I did and began to help fill out the paperwork. You know, the forms with all those questions. (“childhood diseases?” “drinks or smokes?” “suffers from seizures?” “messy room?” “white meat or dark?”) After I got there and went with the doctor to the x-ray machine, he began flipping through the papers. He noticed the name of my boss and asked, “Oh, are you working for _____ this summer?” and named my boss. I innocently replied, “Yes, I am.” “What a coincidence,” he responded, “He’s suing my father-in-law!” I’m sure I turned the color of chalk. He seemed quite nonchalant about it, but I just KNEW I wasn’t getting out of there minus anything less than a major organ donation! Only in a small town would this happen. And only to me.
Well, even the Texas heat couldn’t deter me from enjoying this summer. I was so glad to be back in the Lone Star State that even wearing a suit and tie every day couldn’t shake me. If ever there was going to be a summer where I questioned my decision to take the road to law-law land, this would have been it. But I absolutely LOVED it! Next May, I graduate. Next July, I take the Texas bar exam. Between May and July, I will be going into solitary confinement (more or less) to prepare for the bar. With apologies to my medical school friends: it’s the worst test in the world! My friend Blake counseled me not to worry about passing the bar. “After all,” he said, “You grew up Baptist – you’ve been passing bars your whole life!”
As I approach this last year of school, I am ever thankful for Jeremiah 29:11 “‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future.’” With promises like these, I am excited to see what God does in my life over the next year of preparation. Don’t worry, you’ll hear all about it!