by Joshua Carden
February 29, 2000
Have you ever had friends that you just automatically clicked with? You knew what they were thinking, you could finish their sentences, and even anticipate their actions. My brother Jason and I had such a friendship with a set of twins, Nathan and Patrick. I was 18, they were 17, Jason was 15, but of course he towered over the rest of us. We lived in the same town and were frequently together. Maybe it was our pooled creativity that generated the kind of incidents I am going to relate. Or maybe not. I don’t know what exactly it was but we definitely had it. Even now, I’ve taken several minutes trying to remember who came up with this particular plan, but my memory fails me. I think we each contributed to part of it.
Most likely, it started when Nathan and I discovered we had identical blue sport coats. Being roughly the same height, build, and appearance, we discussed exchanging identities for a day. We rejected the idea for impracticalities, but as Jason and Patrick appeared – inspiration struck! Patrick was wearing a long trench coat, and Jason was wearing sunglasses. For some reason the image of Secret Service agents was generated, and the planning began.
Somehow, I drew the lucky straw. I put on causal clothing and waited for the other three to get decked out. When we finished, each of them was wearing khaki pants, white shirts, ties, sunglasses, fake earphones, and lapel pins. Jason and Nathan wore the sports coats and Patrick wore his trench coat. We were ready. Unfortunately, we all had to go to our science class together first. We endured the strange looks and comments from our friends (and our teacher) during class. The best was yet to come.
We drove to a fast food restaurant in town. All three of them jumped out of our vehicle (my Blazer) and “scanned the area” before opening my door. As I stepped out, the three of them formed up around me and escorted me into the restaurant. It was quite crowded, and the stares were plentiful. I tried to act like this was an everyday occurrence for me, and I know there were many who were racking their brains trying to figure out who I was. My “escorts” took me to a booth in the back, and Nathan and Patrick sat with me while my brother Jason went to order. This was the final touch we had added. A sort of “coup de grease” if you will. The girl behind the counter looked at Jason somewhat askance and asked “what are you having?” Jason looked back at me, and I nodded once. He turned to the girl “We’ll have four #2s with cheese, Dr. Pepper’s for the drinks…” – He looked at me and I nodded again – “… and hold the onions.” By now the girl was just shaking her head, “What name shall I put on this?” “Smith” answered Jason. “I’m sorry, can I have a first name?” she asked. Without cracking a smile, Jason said “Mister.” He did an about-face and returned to our booth. Classic Jason.
I don’t remember where all we went that day. I think we also visited Wal-Mart, where I pretended to shop while the “agents” went up the aisles ahead of me. It was a blast! We were sad when we had to split up and go home. I don’t think we ever repeated the episode. It was one of those perfect plans, flawlessly executed, that we all instinctively knew would never be duplicated. One for the book.
Oh dear, what have I done. I’ve gone and planted ideas in your heads, haven’t I? Now in my ever-present concern for your safety, I must say: Kids don’t try this at home. Unless you get my brother Jason to help. But he’s usually working. So try to come up with something else, okay? Or maybe just go read a book…
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