May 28, 2001
Parents’ Day
by Joshua Carden
Although I write these articles in advance, this one will be out somewhere around the vicinity of the busiest two telephone days of the year: Mother’s and Father’s Day. Far more than a Hallmark-created special event, these two days are our chance to show mom and dad how much we appreciate them for putting up with us all these years. All across America, children, both young and old, with warmth and tenderness in their hearts, pick up the phone and . . . slam it right back down when they hear the busy signal for the fifteenth time. Keep trying.
As I grow older, many of my friends are becoming parents as well. My friend Bruce has three young daughters. [Author’s note: Bruce is one of my running buddies and a faithful column reader. I mischaracterized him as “ex-Air Force” in my running column. He is “current” Air Force. My apologies, Bruce, and please tell the F-22s that they can leave my house alone now.] The other day in class, Bruce was going through his notebook when two envelopes fell out. He picked them up, sighed and said “You know you’re a father when your outgoing mail reads ‘Pampers Perks’ and ‘Flavored Barbie Lip Balm Kit.’” (I’m not making these envelopes up) Never were truer words spoken. Not to discourage you, Bruce, but just wait until they discover the telephone. . .
My friends Rich and Christy also have daughters. Two right now, and a third child on the way. Before his oldest daughter was born, Rich shared with me a piece of advice that some helpful soul had passed on to him: “Have sons.” “Why is that?” asked Rich. “Because,” the friend solemnly declared, “when you have a son, you only have to worry about one set of hormones when he gets to be a teenager. When you have a daughter, you have to worry about millions!” Thankfully, Rich and Christy have decided that the sovereignty of God is good enough to determine the order, gender, and number of their children. Plus, Rich has a shotgun, just in case.
I have watched two different ultrasound videos in the last month. Technology is amazing. I once thought it would be neat if my mom had had a window in her stomach so I could see my little siblings develop (I was a lot younger then). Of course, I was also the child who put a giant dump truck in my brother Jason’s crib so he’d have something to “play with.” Come to think of it, he works in construction now. Go figure.
Anyway, now proud parents can show these “home” movies before the kids are even here. They even bring them to work, which is where I got to see them. The videos aren’t exactly in Technicolor, so after the first viewing, I had more fun watching the parents! I watched my friend Paul, who was almost giddy watching his pre-born daughter. “Look at that,” he yelled, “she’s waving at me!” I thought about pointing out the fact that, absent a window in his wife’s stomach, this was theoretically impossible, but he was too happy. Perhaps I have been in law school too long.
But back to Parents’ Days. You know, especially in home schooling circles, I think there ought to be some sort of auxiliary holiday for the older siblings. You know, those of us who were the guinea pigs, the baby sitters, the diaper fetchers (and changers), the spit-up wipers, the errand runners, etc. Not so much in my family – there were only four of us. Although, when people ask, I always say that I come from a big family. “There are only four of us” I say, “but we’re all pretty big.” No, for this holiday, I’m thinking of the 8-kids-and-up crowd where the older kids get to learn lots of mom and dad skills. You know who you are. The people who get gushed on at grocery stores: “Oh are those your kids? They look just like you!” Now I doubt we can get away with giving you a whole day. But take an hour off. You need it. Tell your mom and dad I said so. Who knows, maybe Hallmark will pick up on it. I think August 15th between noon and 1 p.m. is relatively holiday-free. Put your feet up.