May 21, 2000
My Brother Jonathan
by Joshua Carden
After browsing through some of my old articles (I always look in case my editors have “creatively” made me into some sort of freak as a practical joke. No, I’m not paranoid – who’s asking?), I realized I have committed an incredible oversight: I have failed to introduce you to my youngest brother Jonathan. Indeed, some of you may not even KNOW I have a youngest brother Jonathan. Well, I do. I just haven’t written about him. I tried to somehow justify my forgetfulness by citing law school and other excuses, but none of those are good ones. The best reason I can give for failing to write about Jonathan is this: He is incredibly nice, and the least inclined of the Carden siblings to do anything profoundly foolish! Whereas Jason, Jennifer, and I will be a source of head-shaking for years to come. But that’s no excuse, so let me introduce you to Jonathan Kyle Carden.
Jonathan is 11 years old and quickly following my brother Jason’s example of turning the phrase “little brother” into an oxymoron. In a few years, they will reduce me to the only six-footer in the world with short-man complex! Jonathan has several characteristics and goals worthy of mention, including his desire to own his first CD by the time he is fifteen. That may not sound like such a big deal, but I am referring to Certificate of Deposit and NOT Compact Disc! He is very frugal and careful with how he spends his money. (Let me go on record here and say that I too owned my first CD by the time I was fifteen: I believe the artist was 4Him.) Jonathan will probably regret me sharing this, because I’m SURE that some home school mom with a 10 year-old daughter is already typing me an email asking for my mom’s address. Don’t laugh, it’ll happen. But as long as he promises to give me a small percentage of his income, he’ll be safe.
Jonathan is also a master statistician. Being out here on the East Coast, I miss a lot of sports that I used to enjoy back in Texas. I know that I can always depend on Jonathan to let me know who has traded whom, the status of the Ranger’s current losing streak, who the Dallas Cowboys coach is for this month, and Mark McGwire’s current number of home runs. He is also quite the baseball player, and dabbles in as many other sports as he can.
With one brother in law school, another working in construction, and a sister who can still pin him in wrestling (Jonathan is patiently eating his Wheaties and biding his time), you’ve probably already figured out that one of Jonathan’s career goals includes: the Navy. With both Air Force and Navy represented at the grandparent level, it is not surprising really. Jonathan has been interested in the Navy for quite a while. Perhaps it started when Jason and I discovered that we could throw him all the way across our pool. But however the interest developed, I have no doubt in my mind that if he decides to pursue it he will be commanding his own vessel in no time. I plan to appoint him to the Joint Chiefs when I get elected President.
With all this going for him, how could he be any better? Well, God saw fit to bless him with the sweetest disposition you could imagine. At age three, he would go tell my mother that she looked nice for church. Unprompted, I might add. We’re hoping that his time with Jason, Jennifer, and me won’t change that disposition TOO much. In fact, that reminds me of a story (many things do):
I remember one night having company over, and for some reason Jonathan had to sleep on a sleeping bag in the floor of our room. I think he was about three. As Jason and I entered the room to get ready for bed, Jonathan’s eyes were about half open. Jason jokingly whispered: “Jonathan, are you asleep?” As clear as bell, Jonathan said “Yes.” Well, evil older brothers that we were, we decided it was time for a little experiment. We waved our hands in front of his face and determined that he was indeed asleep. “Jonathan, do you like brussel sprouts?” “No” came the reply. After a few more innocuous warm-up questions, Jason asked “Jonathan, do you like me?” “Yes,” he answered. My turn: “Jonathan, do you like me?” “Yes,” he echoed his first response. Jason and I looked at each other: time for the ultimate. “Who do you like better, Josh or Jason?” And then my sweet, tender brother Jonathan, dead to the world, responded: “Shut up!” Jason and I almost lost it! He had NEVER said that in our presence. I don’t even know where he heard it, since – like many home school families – “s-u” was a banned phrase in our house. But after a moment’s reflection, Jason and I shook hands and decided to take his advice. The next morning, he didn’t remember a thing, but I have never forgotten it.
So that’s a little of my brother Jonathan. A delightful chap, really. You should meet him someday if you can. And for you moms out there, you can write to Jonathan at
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