August 8, 2000

Letters from You

by Joshua Carden

OK, time to reach into the ol’ virtual mailbag and respond to some of your questions and comments.  Don’t worry, I won’t give your names, to spare you worldwide embarrassment!  Here we go.

Just who do you think you are, calling yourself a writer....tell you what, I’ll skip this one. 

Just kidding.  Now for the real letters: 

Are you the same Josh Carden who used to write for New Attitude. 

Umm, yes. I hope that’s OK.  Don’t abandon Crosswalk or anything.  And now since the statute of limitations has run, and even though nobody has asked me, I want to say that I thought the picture of Andrea Whaley on the New Attitude cover was perfectly tasteful and appropriate.  If you don’t have any idea what I’m talking about, forget it.

I am a 28 year old mother of 4. I was raised in public schools and hated it. I am home schooling my 7 year old and working with the others also. I was wondering if you could offer any advice from the point of view of the student.

Keep your expectations reasonable.  As my friend Jonathan Rockett says: “Sometimes you hear families who say, ‘We’re going to do Calculus IV, read through the Encyclopedia, and build an orphanage in Venezuela this year.’”  That ain’t reasonable.  You’ll only be disappointed.  Also, remember that your children will all learn differently and at different speeds.  This is normal.  However, if your children want to grow up and be humor columnists, I suggest rushing them immediately to counseling. 

This is a used-to-be-a-home-school girl from Arkansas, that is now in college and is wondering what to do when a guy asks you out to . . . the rodeo.  Do I explain that I don’t date or do I explain that the last thing I want to do on Friday night is go to the rodeo?

I am told by my female friends that the “I have to wash my hair” excuse is still quite valid.  If he persists, let him know that this is really something you do pretty much every day.  Another option is to open your eyes REALLY wide and innocently inquire “What’s a rodeo?”  If he has the mistaken mindset that his cowboy ways will lasso your heart, this should correct him quickly.  Of course, honesty is usually the best policy, unless your name is Rahab (now THERE’S a can of worms!), so you can always pass the buck to dad.  Those who think the President of the United States is the most powerful man in the world have never asked a girl’s father for permission to court her.  At that time, in that setting, your dad is THE MAN.  

I am a home school mom.  My daughter will be a senior this year and we are doing the whole college application/what are your life goals thing.  In your story about Concord, you talked about all you had achieved because of and IN SPITE OF home schooling.  O.K., as a mom who has spent the last 8 years of her life dedicated to someone else’s education, I want to know - what do you mean “in spite of?”  We have one more year, and I don’t want to waste it.  In SPITE of??????? (Does your mother know you said that?)

First of all, my mom usually reads these columns eventually.  I would never say anything here I wouldn’t say in front of her.  The “in spite of” line was both a tongue-in-cheek reference to those who pooh-pooh home schooling as inadequate, and an honest acknowledgment that, no matter how hard you try, some stuff gets left out.  For instance, I never learned Calculus IV.  Or even Calculus I for that matter.  A rocket scientist I’m not.  Josh Harris used to say that he had this nightmare of going into the public school and the teacher making him write something on the board and having to make the awful confession “My mom never taught me that!”  But, as he acknowledged later, it’s a baseless fear.  I’ve been through college and now into graduate school, and I still have NO regrets about my parent’s choice to home school me from day one up to college.  Your time at home and your investment in your daughter’s life are anything but wasted! 

I also included the “in spite of” line, because I also believe that home schooling fostered my natural bent toward perfectionism, which I talk about in my article “the Perfect Home Schooler.” (it was also what my speech in Concord was about.)  I don’t blame my perfectionism on home schooling, or on my parents, but I believe home schooling played a part in it.  So, there you have it.  Once your daughter enters college, I doubt she’ll ever look back and regret home schooling.  I certainly haven’t.

My friends, I looked up and realized that I have now written articles for Crosswalk.com for over a year now.  My how the time has flown!  I want to acknowledge all of you who have written me from all across the country, and even from places like Germany, Canada, and Australia.  Your emails are a source of encouragement to me.  Thanks for reading.  God bless.