April 13, 1999
I Kissed Courtship Hello
by Joshua Carden
Well, it’s time for the obligatory article on courtship. Every home school writer has produced at least one, and some have made quite a career of it. A case in point is my buddy Josh Harris, who is now working on a sequel to his first book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” Since Josh got married in October 1998, I am proposing a working title of “I Kissed Single Life Goodbye.” Hopefully his publisher is smarter than that.
I know, I know, You're thinking “Oh, no not another article on this subject! If one more person says “courtship” to me, I will personally bind and gag them and force them to listen to old Barry Manilow records!” This one is different. Trust me on this.
Yes, Courtship, (angelic choruses resound) that many faceted, ethereal, formal sounding concept that we have all heard discussed by EVERYBODY! I have heard from many experts (and non experts) on this subject, Trevor Massely included. (Courting! You're still COURTING?!?! What millennium are YOU from?! I've moved past Courting to Hard Core Betrothal Level Five: Attracting a life partner by having Old Testament style sacrifices on our front porch, typifying Christ's love for the Church!) If you don’t know who Trevor Massely is, you can read about him at [http://ylcf.org/newattitude/2-2/fun-spread-profile.htm] and [http://www.ylcf.org/newattitude/4-4/courtship-of-trevor-massely.htm].
Go ahead – I’ll still be here when you get finished.
Okay, maybe that's a little extreme. But what is courtship, anyway?
Courtship is derived from two root words 1. “Court” meaning “A large room where trials are held, or, a large, flat area where sporting events are held”; and 2. “ship” meaning “Water vessel of considerable size used for aquatic travel”…wait, that can’t be right…let me try again. Courtship is derived from two root words 1. – “Courts” meaning “SEVERAL large rooms where trials are held;” and 2. – “hip” the joint attaching the leg to the body…Nincompoopery! Obviously, the person who coined this term was a few bricks shy of a full load. Oh well, this term is already entrenched in our brains anyway, so we'll continue to hang onto it until something better comes along. Unfortunately, courtship is a pretty slippery term for people to pin down and grab onto. I have decided that courtship will be a lot more fun to discuss when we establish new definitions for old dating words and new courtship “buzzwords” of our own. For instance, nicknames for dating are numerous. It's called “going out”, “going together”, “going around”, “going with”, etc. Courtship might be nicknamed “going to”; as in “going to get married.” That's only a start. Here we go...
Josh Carden’s Crosswalk Courtship Dictionary
The K.I.S.A. (pronounced “kissah” NOT “kisser”)
The Knight In Shining Armor: a young man, having received Divine Revelation (or maybe strong parental advice) about a certain person know as
The V.E.Y.L. (pronounced “veil” NOT however else you tried to say it) the Very Eligible Young Lady.
Spelunking: The time before courtship where the K.I.S.A. and the V.E.Y.L. have suddenly become aware of each other’s existence, and become interested in exploring the possibilities of a deeper relationship. (Spelunking…Exploring…do you get it now?)
A Trial: (In dating, you go on “dates”, in courting you go on “trials.”)
An event where the K.I.S.A. and the V.E.Y.L. spend more time with each other's siblings than they do with each other. The K.I.S.A. also spends much time being cross‑examined by the Prosecutor (the V.E.Y.L.'s father). We could exhaust the legal genre by redefining terms like “habeas corpus” and “ex post facto,” but that would be going a little over the top. (Bear with me, I am starting law school this fall.)
During the time spent with one another the K.I.S.A. and the V.E.Y.L. are generally to refrain from any PDA: (Public Displays of Affection) a commonly used dating term, redefined for courtship purposes as: eye contact.
After many trials and possibly a few PDA's along the way, it's time for
The Proposal: Due to the nature of courtship, this term must be broken up into three separate definitions:
1st Degree Proposal The K.I.S.A. confidently approaches his parents and discusses his intentions to court the V.E.Y.L.
2nd Degree Proposal With sweaty palms, knocking knees, and a dry mouth, the K.I.S.A. approaches the Prosecutor and discusses his intentions to court the V.E.Y.L. during “The Talk” (see below)
3rd Degree Proposal With trembling heart and hands, the K.I.S.A. approaches the V.E.Y.L. and as he begins to discuss his intentions...he passes out from lack of oxygen caused by his overly‑tight necktie.
“The Talk”: The discussion between the K.I.S.A. and the Prosecutor where the K.I.S.A. works up the nerve to ask the Prosecutor to...meet him for breakfast the next morning, before which time the K.I.S.A., in a state of extreme nervousness, has decided that maybe being single isn't so bad after all. (Note: “The Talk” is not to be confused with “the talk” which is the discussion between the Prosecutor and the V.E.Y.L. regarding the various K.I.S.A.s out there.
“the talk” is easily identified by the Prosecutor dominating the conversation and the V.E.Y.L. interjecting such comments as “No way!”, “Anybody but him!”, “DaaaaaaaDDDDD!”, and “Maybe being single isn't so bad after all!”
Eventually, by God’s grace, a suitable match will be found and the K.I.S.A. and the V.E.Y.L. will be married. After the wedding, it's time for the First Date: Already defined, as old readers will remember, as the honeymoon. (Unlike dating, kissing on the first date is encouraged under courtship.)
Now, I know that this may seem like a very lack‑a‑daisical approach to courtship. Let me hasten to assure you that I am personally committed to courting, and I don't want to cheapen what I consider to be a very Godly principle. Since dating has been entrenched in our society for so long, it is easy to talk about in a circle of friends. Common courtship terms will allow those committed to it to discuss common goals and obstacles just as easily. As this generation comes of age, I want to be able to go up to a courtship oriented friend of mine and ask “So, have you found a V.E.Y.L. yet?” NOT “Have you yet discovered a young lady of proper upbringing, who meets all of the requirements of Proverbs 31, whom your parents approve of, whose father will even let her speak to you on a semi regular basis?” My point is: IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT HARD! ‘nuff said?
Now, for the fun part. There must be many of you who are, like I am, dissatisfied with current courtship vernacular. SEND ME YOUR DEFINITIONS! We’ll make the dictionary grow. At the very least, maybe we can learn to confidently discuss a very important and Biblical topic. Well, gotta run. – Trevor Massely is on line two. I wonder what HE wants….