August 19, 1999
The Home School Book List – Round II
by Joshua Carden
Oh, you wonderful, creative people, you! I am so glad that some of you saw fit to dedicate a few brain cells and improve our book list! It wouldn’t be the same without you. Really, I mean that. To get you warmed up, I thought of a few more:
Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare
Not the best night to inform your father that you left the gate open at the far end of the sheep pen. First night is much better.
Strengthening Your Grip by Chuck Swindoll
Training exercises to help hold on to the twins while at the mall.
Chicken Soup for the Soul
A real waste of good chicken soup. I mean, come on, people, chicken soup is for the mouth! You try moving away from home. It’s hard to find good chicken soup like mama used to make.
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
The story of kids pulled from public schools where they were More Miserables. [Editor’s note: My friend Rose read this story in a weekend. Try it sometime. Bring some snacks.]
The Two Sides of Love by Gary Smalley and John Trent
As a former kid, that would be the topside where you got kissed, and the bottom side where you got spanked. [Editor’s note: Please don’t send me emails about the evils of spanking. Post it in a forum or something, OK?]
The Phantom Menace (Yes, it’s a book, go look in the store, OK?)
Madelyn Murray O’Hair and the decade of the nineties. Trust me, if you haven’t gotten the email warning about her yet, you will. [Editor’s note: I don’t know why I am “Editor noting” myself!]
------------ and now for your contributions.
Submitted by: Anonymous fraidy-cat… Oops, I meant “name withheld by request.”
Five Little Peppers and How They Grew by Margaret Sidney
A homeschool science report.
Calico Captive by Elizabeth George Speare
The Journal of a Homeschool Student [Editor’s note: do I sense bitterness here?]
Never Give In by Stephen Mansfield
The all-time favorite of your area public school personnel and social workers.
My Side of the Mountain by Jean George
The ongoing saga of Ben and Luke S. and their bedroom cleaning trials. [Editor’s note: this borders on plagiarism of The Jungle Book from the previous collection, but I’ll let it slide. I still have three full years of law school to go.]
Submitted by Josh Barnett:
WAR & PEACE
Fighting over a toy, only to see Mother take it away. [Editor’s note: Home school kids FIGHTING?!?! I’m aghast. What would Larry King think?]
Submitted by Tracy Haroldson:
Left Behind by Tim La Haye and Jerry B Jenkins
The story of what happened to my 2 year-old last week when I took my 5 children to the public library. [Editor’s note: This particular title was submitted by several readers. The earliest postmark wins. Plus she offered a bribe.]
All Creatures Great and Small by James Herriot
The story of a homeschool mom(me)and the ever growing responsibility of making breakfast for 1 husband, 5 children, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 4 kittens, 31 rabbits, 22 hens, 1 rooster and a calf. [Editor’s note: I was kidding about the bribe.]
And finally, the big haul came in from my good friends the Garber family:
Gone With the Wind
That’s what happens to the Great Expectations homeschool mothers started out with.
Catcher in the Rye
The homeschool baseball team got a little too close to the grain field.
The Scarlet Letter
This new approach combines teaching the alphabet with color recognition.
Farewell to Arms
This college-level amputation course teaches surgery by mail.
House of Seven Gables
Special dwellings are needed for the large homeschool family.
Uncle Tom’s Cabin
Where the homeschool family is temporarily staying while the House of Seven Gables is being built.
The Long Winter
The season seems unusually prolonged with all the family members cooped up in Uncle Tom’s Cabin
Kidnapped!
What the longsuffering homeschool mom occasionally fantasizes during the Long Winter.
Animal House
What Uncle Tom’s Cabin looks like when the family finally moves out.
Dare to Discipline
The fourth volume of World Book’s latest encyclopedia set, coming between “Cave to Dapper” and “Dishes to Doughnuts.”
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
Sometimes zoology experiments go awry.
The Red Badge of Courage
This is the first in the character-building series (including The Blue Badge of Kindness, The Yellow Badge of Obedience, and The Green Badge of Neatness), rewarding children for developing the desired traits.
Around the World in 80 Days
Rand-Mcnally’s unique curriculum for learning geography.
All the President’s Men
This study of the Cabinet members and the Secret Service fulfills the civics requirement.
The Silver Chair
Materials cost extra in this metallurgy class.