by Joshua Carden
July 12, 1999
Recently, I have noticed several “lists” that are being formulated for the “end of the year/decade/century/millennium/takeyourpick.” Among them are the “Men of the Millennium,” “Top 100 Songs of the Century” (no Gary Puckett yet, thank goodness), “Top 40 Books of the Century” (as seen in WORLD magazine), and “Top 100 List of Lists Enclosed in Quotation Marks.” Going on that old tried-and-true saying that “you can never have too many lists,” I decided to do one of my own. If you’ve read ANY of these columns, you’ve probably already guessed that this list will be unlike most of the other lists. In fact it is SO unlike the other lists that I can’t even take credit for the concept. Yes, once again I am shamelessly borrowing the genius of one of my good friends; in this case, Darren “The Book Beast” Jones. And yes, that is really his nickname. Knowing my need for new material, he brought me a short list of titles that every home schooler would be familiar with. The twist, however, is that his DESCRIPTIONS of the books are what a home schooler might ASSUME they were about if “they viewed the world through home school-colored glasses.” (#92 on the Song of the Century list)
So here are Darren’s titles, along with some of my own. If you think of others, please email them to me. We’ll keep a running list going, and do a reprint down the road. Thank you, Darren; I will never say anything bad about Canadian Bacon again.
THE LIST (in no particular order)
Piercing the Darkness by Frank Peretti
The cries of a two-year-old at 4 o’clock in the morning
The Oath by Frank Peretti
What escapes the parent’s mouth as they bump their shins on their way to answer the cries that are Piercing the Darkness.
The Visitation by Frank Peretti
Peretti’s latest. First in the terrifying, bone-chilling “Social Worker Series.”
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
What your mom has for your daily schedule at the beginning of the year.
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
He just shouldn’t have interrupted mom during school time three days in a row.
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
What home schoolers expect from in-laws and public schools.
Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
The place every girl would like to live, and the lawn every boy would hate to mow.
I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris
What?!?! “Kissing” in the TITLE?!?!? How SHOCKINGLY LICENTIOUS! BURN IT!!!!
(Humor Disclaimer: I am JOKING. Josh Harris is my FRIEND. Don’t burn it. It’s a good book. Really.)
Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
The dangers of dating.
The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling
The story of Josh Carden and his brother Jason and their search to find the floor of their room.
You get the general idea. Now get creative and send me some more!!!!
