November 20, 2000
Brace Yourself
by Joshua Carden
Brace-Face. Tinsel-Teeth. Train-Tracks. Metal-Mouth. Familiar nicknames to everyone who has worn braces. Myself included. I endured a retainer for three years and braces for three years. I was grateful to be home schooled. My family never called me a single name. I heard them all from my orthodontist.
Crooked teeth sort of run in my family. So do braces. Hmm, maybe there’s a link here somewhere. My particular need for braces arose shortly after dental x-rays discovered a tooth lurking near the center of the roof of my mouth. Really. If I hadn’t gotten braces, I would bite my tongue every time I closed my mouth. Amazingly, I still have the tooth. They glued a bracket on it, tied on a small bungee cord, and dragged it into place over a period of a few months. I think I was the poster child for orthodontic training materials in Texas! My mouth is probably in some dental textbook somewhere.
I can vividly remember when they first glued the brackets on my teeth. I was fortunate (or possibly unfortunate) enough to have an orthodontist who wore glasses. As the bright light illuminated my mouth, there was enough of a glare to reflect exactly what he was doing. To your lips from being super-glued to your teeth, the orthodontist puts this blue rubber thing on your mouth that stretches your smile beyond imagination. The first time I saw my reflection in my orthodontist’s eyes, I choked! I had to avert my eyes to keep from laughing and swallowing something small, sharp, and expensive. Picture the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland, and you have the faintest schosh of an idea. My lips were sore for two days.
Having braces wasn’t too terrible, but there were a few difficult times. First, I had to get them re-tightened every few weeks or so. This would result in extreme soreness and a great inclination towards liquid nourishment. My mom fixed me a lot of soup in those days. Then, to check my progress, the orthodontist would take an impression of my teeth. This involved him pouring enough Plaster of Paris into my mouth to get an impression of my tonsils and leaving it there until it set. There was a mold for my upper teeth and one for my lower teeth. To take these molds effectively, they had put them in at the same time. Believe it or not, I don’t have a very big mouth. It felt (and tasted) like filling two snow shovels with concrete and shoving them both in my mouth and leaving them there for 15 minutes!!!
Usually, I couldn’t even tell I was wearing braces. However, there were notable exceptions. My brother Jason and I would often have planned wrestling matches in our living room (This ceased when we got old enough to break the furniture). My dad would referee as we sought to pin one another for a three-count. Jason had the weight advantage, but I had the…the…advantage of knowing that I would always be two-and-a-half years older. I still won occasionally. On this more normal occasion, Jason was on top of me going for the final pin. I was an expert at the “bouncing shoulders” maneuver – he could push one down, but the other would bounce right up. Jason finally tired of going back and forth and let his full weight come down on my head and upper body. This was a legal move, and also quite effective – he quickly pinned me. Unfortunately, he landed on my mouth and smashed my lips into my braces. My upper lip became caught in my lower braces and my lower lip became caught in my upper braces. I didn’t think it was possible! I couldn’t even open my mouth to yell at Jason to get off. I finally wiggled out and ran to the mirror to unhook my lips. It was like having your lips sewn shut.
I remember the first day they took the braces off. It was the strangest feeling to lick my lips and not worry about ripping my tongue to shreds. Six years without chewing gum, caramel, and popcorn. I went crazy. After the braces were removed, I tried to blow my first chewing gum bubble. I had watched as my brother Jason became an expert in gum chewing, gum popping, and bubble blowing. It didn’t look that hard. I worked the gum for a couple of minutes and gave it a shot. I blew the gum straight out of my mouth and across the room. I decided to wait and practice in the comfort and privacy of my own home! I’ve managed to master the basics, but I’ll never be an expert. Oh well. I realize that very often nowadays people with braces are allowed to chew gum. This is just one more factor contributing to my realization that I am moving quickly toward the ranks of older people. Although wrestling with Jason these days makes me feel young again. I couldn’t beat him then, and I can’t beat him now!
My sister Jennifer is the current brace wearer in our family. She has informed me that she has 1 month, 6 days, 15 hours, and 37 minutes until her braces are removed. Not that she’s counting. Soon she’ll be able to eat caramel-popcorn-flavored chewing gum just like the rest of us. Just in time for the holidays. Well, I hope I’ve inspired you to go brush your teeth. Make sure you get all the way to the back. And don’t forget to floss.