Thoughts to consider as you read this collection of courtship stories…
I originally sat down to write about my love story, my “Happily Ever After”, but then–as happened many times before–I was convicted. Something that I never actually choose to feel: conviction. Isn’t it funny how the things we need in life (such as conviction) are hardly ever the things we actually want? But thank the Lord that He is just and gives us the things we sometimes don’t particularly desire.
As I was thinking about my husband (how we met, how our courtship began, his proposal, our engagement, and the big day), the realization hit me that as wonderful as my husband is, this was not his doing. He did not bring us together, but my first Love did. Before you go thinking that this was my crush back in junior high, let me clarify. By first Love, I mean the creator of love, and every other emotion, the creator of you and me, the seasons, the snow outside, the whole entire universe.
I am just like any other girl; I love happy endings. Hand me a chick flick anytime! The realization hit me that this is not what true love is about. It is not when the boy meets girl, and their eyes lock and it is love at first sight. It is not the happily-ever-after, and it is not roses and chocolate on Valentine’s Day.
Love is a bloodstained cross. Love came in the form of a little baby in a manger that grew up to take on everyone’s sin at Calvary. Christ’s pierced hands and side are proof of this. He took on my every lustful thought, my snide remarks, my self-centeredness, my depression, and the list goes on for eternity more (and that is just for little ole me!). It is hard to comprehend that the creator of the universe gave the ultimate sacrifice and that He would give His love so freely to us. The crown of thorns that dug into His flesh does not create the type of love story that we like to think of today.
I am not saying that when God brings you to the right person at the right time that it is not love. It is indeed.Just remember that when that happens, the man He brings into your life is as human as you are. We should not make finding the right man our reason in life. Trust me–I am guilty of this myself. I have to stop myself from making an idol of my dear husband. That sounds quite strange, but it is true. It is sin to praise the creation and not the creator.
God will write your love story in His own time and way. Don’t forget that He is the maker of love, and He loves you more than any man ever could. He has the best in mind for you because you are His daughter. I challenge you to put your faith in Him and not the happily-ever-afters as I have done before.
-Christine Hale on ylcf.org
To be honest, my heart has grown a little impatient with the ‘perfect’ courtship stories, and although I am glad for those couples, it is hard because the message I receive from so many of them, whether they intentionally try to give that message or not, is that if you follow God’s plan, your courtship and marriage will be ‘perfect’. But I do not see that in the Bible…
God promises good, which I believe sometimes includes trials and pain, to those who love Him… His desire is His glory, and I see His glory in the broken lives and hearts He holds in His hands… broken so that His love may pour through.
-Elizabeth Jackson (click here to read more from Elizabeth on “happily ever after”)
The truth is, courtship is not about what you call it. It is not even about how you do it. As much as we want our daughters to have godly, pure, Christ-honoring relationships, we don’t plan to raise them to believe in “courtship.” The word “courtship” is subject to definition. “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other,” does not need any definition. If you’re looking for a DTR ["define the relationship"], there it is, right in Ephesians 4:32. And for further explanation, see Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled.”
Call your relationship whatever you like. But whether you court, date, betroth, or dort, do it all to the glory of God!
Meanwhile, we’ll be sticking with the word “courtship” (of Noah Webster’s definition) to describe the memorial stones of God’s faithfulness that we’ve collected here on ylcf.org: the stories of how God brought each man and woman together in His own way, in His own time.
-Gretchen in “Courtship DTR” on ylcf.org
God is “the best maker of all marriages,” and I’m convinced that He loves to do it! He brought Eve to Adam. He prompted Eliezer’s prayer for guidance, and then answered it by matching Rebekah with Isaac. He arranged for Ruth to “accidentally” bump into Boaz, inspired Naomi when she counseled Ruth to consider this man who seemed so beyond her grasp, and fueled Boaz’s determination to finish the matter that very day.
This is a picture of God’s heart. This is what He wants to do for all His children. This is what He wants to do for me.
If someday I live out my love story in light of the gospel, who can help seeing the pure and unconditional love of Jesus? That’s an exciting thought!
-Elisabeth A., YLCF’s own official “courtship story link collector” in “His Love Stories” at Boundless.org
“We become the story we feed on. Marital love satisfies longings like no cheap imitation can. So the Real Story, the cosmic romance, fills us like no other story can.
What story will I feed on? What story will I become?”
-Ann Voskamp’s post “Become the Story” at A Holy Experience
“If you aspire as a girl towards a Christ-centered, fulfilling, dynamic marriage, your values will grow in that direction, as a plant towards the light of the sun. True love and beautiful marriages really do exist. And the dreams God allows us to dare to dream in our girlhood are, I believe, where such marriages are born. That’s not to say the course ahead will run smooth by any means… But it’s worth it. It’s worth it to have faith in something so beautiful that only God could have thought it up in the first place. It’s worth it to learn to wait on Him and hope in Him and to find, after all, that He is the Lover of your soul. It is worth it—all the longing and disappointed hopes and even heartache that may lay before you—to be able to one day stand before the person you love best in the whole wide world, wearing a white dress and veil, and to look up at him and say, ‘I have waited for God and I have waited for you.’
“The YLCF team has spent an enormous amount of time compiling and cataloguing the index of Courtship Stories. They didn’t do it to breed discontent, or to give the married girls a chance to brag. They did it to ‘direct our eyes to the First Love’, to keep us in remembrance that the ‘best maker of marriages’ has an endless store of blessing to bestow—and equally infinite resources of creativity with which to confer it. Even if you have all the testimonies memorized, take a glance through them and see if you are not struck with the fact that not one of them looks like any of the others. Any more than I look like any of you. Or vice versa. God has not run out of ideas. He has not run out of dreams for his precious children…”
-Lanier Ivester in “Preparing for Marriage, Part One”
This index of courtship stories on the web is here for your encouragement….to remind you that God has written many wonderful love stories, and is in the process of writing yours as well if you’ll only let Him! “The course of true love never did run smooth,” said Shakespeare, but usually the rough details get left in order to paint a more romantic picture, and we are left with a “fairy tale” to emulate. But there are no perfect people, so there can be no “perfect” love stories–each has its own set of trials and triumphs.
If you’re married, may you find these stories a blessing–and perhaps you’d consider sharing your own love story with us? If you’re single, don’t read these stories and feel sorry for yourself in your single status. Read these stories and feel blessed and thankful that you are the chosen child of the Author of Romance! And “give Him the pen” in your life!
-Gretchen Glaser (from the original introduction to the YLCF Courtship Stories page)
