as told by Nicole
I had never really been one to go on-line to chat or meet friends. I was a little nervous with the whole “on-line world” and I wanted to protect myself from all the crazy people out there, so when I finally did start to poke around a few message boards, I adopted the nickname “Martie” (which later grew into a full name “Martie Anne Darling”). The first message board I ever got involved with was one set up for people who would be attending the New Attitude conference in 2000. Josh Harris, the guy who puts on the conference, also had another message board set up on his main website for people who wanted to talk about his books (I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl) and different Christian issues, but I wasn’t really interested in that sort of thing at the time.
After I came back from NA00, there was really no reason to keep visiting the NA message board. So one day I found myself journeying over to Josh Harris’ main message board (the “JHMB” for short). I ended up joining in all the fun over there. I liked to talk about all these topics that were so new to me. I had only been saved since Septemeber of 1999. I liked the idea of courtships, even though I was a grown woman with parents who weren’t believers. I still thought that regardless of that, I could certainly honor the Lord in the way I met and married a man some day.
I remember one of the administrators of the board, who’s user name was “InHisSeit” (that’s “in His sight”), once posting a few pictures of himself. Some of the girls on the board had asked to see what he looked like. I thought that they were surely flirting with him and I rolled my eyes at the post (but knowing them now, I realize that that was a big assumption). Anyway, I saw these three pictures of this guy, Travis, and my heart skipped a beat. I don’t really know why…
But the fun at the JHMB only lasted for about four months before it shut down. A handful of us who were friends went nuts trying to stay in touch so we began to form a tight knit group of adopted brothers, sisters and friends. We had several on-line meeting places where we could all still get together and converse.
I remember one day Travis, who is a wonderful artist, happened to post a picture he had drawn of Natalie Portman. That sparked a little debate amongst our friends that he must have a crush on her like most boys did at the time (thanks to the Star Wars movies). To prove that he didn’t draw her because he had a crush on her, he offered to draw my picture as well. There was a lot of teasing about that and somehow talk of a wedding was thrown in for laughs and the next thing I knew, Travis and I were talking to each other a lot on instant messenger. That really wasn’t the best idea for two single people because we kept flirting with one another, although we kept getting convicted and would do our best to stop.
We knew we were far away both in miles (he lived in Pennsylvania and I lived in Tennessee) and in age (at the time he was almost 19 and I was 25). I kept asking myself why I was thinking so much about this “kid” who lived so far away! But somehow our conversations on-line lead to me calling him at work one day. I was getting ready to tell him that “Martie” was not my real name. He had typed up his personal information, including his work number, to show me he didn’t care about such things. My first words to him on the phone were, “That’s hideous!”
Somehow our continued conversations led to him calling me for three hours on June 1, 2001. When I got off the phone that evening I simply knew I was getting married to this guy…and I was more than a little nervous. I remember calling my roommate into my room to pray with me. I was so frazzled that I skipped my church’s small group meeting that night. I couldn’t wait for him to call me again!
On Saturday when we talked again, I remember him saying something along the lines of “Isaac and Rebekah never met before they got married.” My heart pounding, I remember taking out my road atlas and looking up Baltimore, Maryland (the city where he worked) on the map. It was a long way from my home church in Tennessee. We both started to sense that we were moving too fast. Over the weekend the Lord impressed on both our hearts that for the current season, we needed to be “just friends.” That was one of the most amazing parts of our story to me–the things the Lord did: the coincidences, the same impressions, the like-mindedness. I needed convincing that this man was the one for me. I certainly, in my own wisdom, was not going to pick a man who was six and a half years younger than me, who I had met on-line, to be my husband! It was the Lord who convinced me over and over again that this was His doing.
So that Monday, after talking and agreeing to be friends for the time being, I went to a local bookstore to purchase a journal to record all my thoughts in. I took the risk that either one day I would be giving this to him when he was my husband or I would be burning it. But I felt I had to tell someone the things I couldn’t tell Travis–it certainly was best not to reveal my whole heart to him at the time! I thought it would be best to write all my thoughts down instead.
Back on the message boards we started to talk about arranging a get-together for a few of our internet friends sometime during the summer. As Travis and I talked to each other more to work out the details, it turned out that we were most interested in arranging this get-together in order to meet each other. We made plans to meet with our friends on August 10, 2001, at Hershey Park in Pennsylvania, but it turned out that I was going to be at a conference in Lynchburg, VA on July 1st.
Seeing as Lynchburg was about half way in between my house and Travis’ house and that we wanted to meet each other so much, we decided to met each other for the first time for lunch on a Sunday in Lynchburg. Travis brought along his mother and little sister. I brought along my best friend and her fiancé. We happened to be 45 minutes late because I had assumed the restaurant was inside the mall, not outside of the mall. My first words to Travis in person were: “This is SO not the mall.”
I was so nervous the whole time we were sitting there at the restaurant that I was glad when we waved good-bye to every one as Travis and I drove off to try to locate a local movie theater. We had a fun time, getting a little lost along the way and figuring it all out together. It helped to break the ice between us. But even still, now that I saw Travis in the flesh I was even more nervous. I could hardly look at him because I was so paranoid that his big blue eyes were saying, “This is my future wife” and I wasn’t ready to hear that yet. I could not look into those gorgeous eyes!
Ten days after meeting in Lynchburg, a random phone call about “Would I still Like Travis if he had $5 and Lived out of his Car” turned into a five hour telephone conversation, during which time he asked me to court him and I said a joyful “Yes.” I don’t think that my heart has ever beaten so fast in my life.
Finally, a month later, August 10th came around. We were able to celebrate our one-month anniversary together in person. Travis brought me roses, eleven of which were pink and one of which was red, to celebrate. We got to spend time with our friends, as we originally planned.
I feel like that day at Hershey Park was the day I fell in love with Travis. We held hands all day long and I was in heaven just picturing our future together. Those eyes didn’t scare me anymore. I could hardly look at anything else but them now! We had a wonderful weekend spending time with his family and friends. “Divine Providence” even kept me in Pennsylvania longer than expected (there were several thunderstorms that kept canceling my flight home). We came to think of the Baltimore-Washington International Airport as a romantic place.
It turns out that Travis went out a few days after I was back home and put a down payment on a ring. I didn’t know of any of this, except for the fact that I showed a picture of the style of ring that I liked one time. I was just being playful at the time but he took the picture and went shopping with it!
We counted our way down to another visit in early September and again in October. This time he was coming to visit me. I remember panicking on the phone with Travis just before his October visit and I must have been very hormonal because I was crying to him about the fact that I felt I just couldn’t wait any longer to get engaged. It had only been a few months! Some people wait years! But I had the perfect plan in my mind.
Our whole story had started on June 1, 2001, and the next June 1st was on a Saturday. In my heart, this was the perfect day to get married. So I was crying to Travis because he was being too vague for my liking as to his plans for the future. In my mind, if he didn’t propose to me when he came down in October there wouldn’t be enough time to plan a wedding for June 1st. And we didn’t know when we’d see each other again. Little did I know that Travis was holding my ring in his hand as he was talking to me. He must have been shaking his head at my tears.
My best friend was getting married on October 13th and I was to be her maid of honor. Travis was going to be driving down for the wedding and he would arrive just in time for the rehearsal. I talked to him on his cell phone a few times that day and was so looking forward to seeing him again.
At about 1:00 my boss came and told me to take the rest of the day off. My boss went to church with me and my best friend so he knew all about the wedding. I thought it so kind of him to remember and give me the afternoon off. I happily headed home (for which I am so glad that I didn’t go shopping or something else) and when I arrived, who was in my roommate’s living room? Travis! With flowers. But last I heard, he was on the road in Virginia!
“What are you doing here?!” I asked him.
In a state of shock, he lead me to the kitchen where he had made me a wonderful lunch. But I couldn’t stop hitting his arm and saying, “What are you doing here?!” He told me all about how he’d driven all through the night, arrived in Knoxville at 8:00 a.m., arranged to get a key from my roommate, talked to my boss a few weeks ahead of time to get him to let me off work early, called to remind my boss to let me off work (because he was supposed to let me go at noon) and even stuck his head in my roommate’s freezer to convince me he was still on the road. It certainly worked. I was so shocked.
We went outside to sit on the porch swing on this beautiful afternoon. I remember asking Travis if he wanted to go inside and post a message to our friends on-line. I remember he said he just wanted to sit out there and I thought in my heart with a smile this was a great time to start practicing joyful submission. The neighbor, who had come home to walk his puppy outside, had just pulled away when suddenly Travis became VERY serious and I started to panic. This was it! He was asking me to marry him! I squealed and hugged him and squealed some more. What a wonderful surprise he planned.
Two weeks later, I had moved up to Hanover, Pennsylvania (good thing my roommate and boss were both in on the whole plan ahead of time). But those six months without a local church were just awful. We had no accountability and it was so hard on us. We had the choice of going out somewhere, spending time at his parents house or being alone at my apartment–and only a few days after I had been in town, his parents told us we were spending too much time at their place.
One night we had an awful fight, which I can’t even remember what it was about, but I remember crying on the floor saying that this wouldn’t be happening in Knoxville because we’d have church family to help us. So we made the decision to move back down there a month before the wedding. I moved back in with my roommate and Travis moved into our future apartment. Things did get better with a local church. And we did remain pure for our wedding night (although I am all for short engagements!).
We did break our “no kissing” rule which made us sad because we wanted to enjoy the sweetness of our first kiss as husband and wife. The kiss was still awfully memorable. But I pity our poor daughter who will have endless stories told to her about Mom and Dad’s Mistakes.
We were married in the same little country church were Travis’ parents and grandparents were married. The day was most beautiful! The reception was a lot of fun with such good homemade food. But the wedding service…oh! I wanted to stay up there at the altar with my groom forever. I wanted to remember the little details of everything for the rest of my life. That little church is so dear to me when ever we go to visit it. The day couldn’t have been better!
As I write this, it has been almost three years since that day. It still amazes me, but it is true–I fall more in love with my groom every day. During our pre-marital counseling we gave each other the nickname “God’s Provision.” That perfectly sums up how I feel about the man I married. He was sent by the Father to me at the perfect time. We were created to be perfectly suited to one another in our strengths and weaknesses. God Himself knit our hearts together and it was nothing we had a hand in.
If I could go back to change anything, I would have waited more patiently, not giving my heart away to so many fantasies of this or that guy being “the one.” When it was time for God’s man to come into my life, the Lord showed me just how capable of handling all the details He is. I could truly rest in His care. Two verses I felt the Lord give to me at that first New Attitude conference were these: “Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD…Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.” (Psalm 27:14; 31:24) And that is a most blessed place to be–waiting on the Lord. He will fulfill all His good plans for His children. I know, because that is my story.
Read more about Travis and Martie’s Courtship at http://courtship.webseitler.com/
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