A Testimony of Betrothal
by Darien Bowers
I had taken part in a few “typical” dating relationships through high school and into my first few years of college. Then a man who would later become a close friend of mine shared the Biblical view of premarital relationships during a Bible study I attended. Although what he said seemed to be accurate scripturally, and I was interested in following scriptural models for my life, I nevertheless resisted embracing betrothal for my own life. I even dated again after hearing these “doctrines of romance.” The Lord convicted me, however, and eventually convinced me that betrothal was the Biblical model and I was to apply the principles of betrothal to my life. It was not very long thereafter that these principles were to take practical effect for me.
Early in the summer of 1995, I noticed the godly character and strong faith of one of the women in my Sunday school class. Actually, I had already noticed her a year earlier as one of the more faithful and devoted women I knew, and had been praying for her and seeking God’s will as to the possibility of our sharing a relationship. Although God had not given me a desire to pursue anything further and I was not actively seeking a mate when I returned home from college that summer, I couldn’t help but be impressed with Libby’s godliness. So I began to pray all the more earnestly for wisdom and guidance from the Lord concerning this. After much prayer and hearing the counsel of trusted brothers in the Lord, I decided to approach my father concerning this situation. The time when I went to my dad with this was about two months after I returned home from school.
Though my dad was somewhat surprised by my approach, he readily agreed to pray and granted me his full blessing to pursue marriage with her. At this time, Libby and I had spent no time alone together, and she was unaware of any interest I may have had in her. This is a good opportunity to add that I was very concerned that I guard not only my own heart from becoming attached to the idea of Libby and me together, but also that I guard her heart as well, that she not be allowing herself to become attached to me.
Since I did not know her parents well at all (I had met them once a year before), I approached Libby with my intentions rather than going straight to her parents, as I was quite confident that her parents were not going to give their blessing to me without Libby having any notion of what was taking place. After sharing with Libby my views on dating and betrothal, I asked her to pray about whether or not God would have us be married. We agreed that, in our attempt to follow the Biblical model, our answer would come by way of her parents. Soon thereafter, I met her parents again and we spent a good amount of time talking. Once Libby had shared all of my intentions with her parents, they both prayed about the situation.
In a matter of a couple of weeks, Libby and I met together again, for only the second occasion when she and I were spending time alone. She shared with me that her parents were at peace with the idea of her and me together and they gave their complete blessing. She was also at peace with this, and so that evening we made our unconditional commitment to be married to one another, and our period of betrothal had begun.
Libby and I are currently in our betrothal period, and we are blessed and amazed with the way God has worked in our lives. He has been faithful to us, as we are faithful to our commitment to one another. We both want to use our period of betrothal to prepare ourselves for the roles we will take as husband and wife. It is during this time period that we have found ourselves “falling in love,” and we are looking more and more forward to the blessed consummation of the vows we have already made to one another.
Originally online at Christian Courtship (www.christiancourtship.com)
A Testimony of Betrothal
by Libby Bowers
During my adolescent years I had taken part in several dating relationships and attended events such as the prom and homecoming with a date. In the course of one of my highschool dating relationships, I developed a friendship with the parents of one of my dates. In the context of this friendship/mentoring relationship, my friend’s parents challenged me with the Biblical model of courtship. However, I continued to enter into dating relationships with gentlemen in my youth group and at college.
Early in college, after ending a particularly difficult dating relationship, I was again challenged to measure my standards of dating with the Biblical model. My focus changed; instead of actively seeking a dating relationship, I now began to prepare my heart for the one that the Lord would provide me with in His perfect timing. A poem that a friend shared with me in college expressed my intentions well:
“Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone; to have a deep, soul relationship with another person; to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. I know the desires of your heart, and they are not wrong. But I want you to know that until you can be fulfilled in life being loved by Me alone, and until you discover that only in Me will you find complete satisfaction, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship I have planned for you. There is a perfect love that I have planned for you, but you will never be united with another until you are united with Me. I have a plan for your life, a plan so wonderful, even you can’t imagine it. I want you to have the best, but you must let Me bring it to you. Stop planning. Stop wishing. And just allow me to show you My plan. Keep watching expectantly, and keep walking in My love, experiencing the satisfaction found only in Me. Be patient and listen to the things I tell you. Learn to be strong in your love for Me, so that when others fail you, you will not be destroyed. Don’t be envious of the things that I have given to others. Keep your eyes upon Me, or you’ll be misled and miss the things I want to show you. Then when the right moment comes, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could have ever imagined. You see, I am working so that the two of you are ready at the same time, when both of you are satisfied exclusively with Me, then you will be able to experience the kind of caring, accepting, forgiving love that exemplifies My love for you. This is perfect love! My dear child, I want so much for you to experience this most wonderful love, even now. And one day you will see in the flesh a picture of my love for you. One day you will enjoy the everlasting beauty of unconditional love with another”.
Upon graduation from college I was presented with a career opportunity that would have afforded me the ability to climb the professional ladder, be active in nursing research, and travel widely. A little voice inside my head, the Holy Spirit, brought to mind the mission statement that I had claimed as I endeavored to become a nurse. My purpose in nursing was not to gain personal acclaim, earn a lot of money, or have a collection of letters behind my name that told me who I was. The passion that the Lord had given me for nursing was a deeper passion… to be present with the ill, infirmed, and widows as they experienced health-related crises and to minister to their physical, emotional and spiritual needs.
Too, I shied away from this career opportunity because that little voice inside of me still had me longing, one day in God’s timing, to give my heart to another in marriage. The Lord provided me with a nursing position in Wooster, and I was able to become reinvolved in the church where I had attended on and off through college.
Little did I know or suspect in these series of events that the Lord was preparing to reveal to me the one to whom I would give the rest of my life through the bond of marriage. My attention was drawn to a young man in my college and career Sunday school class who evidenced a deep affection and devotion to Jesus Christ. I deeply respected Darien for His godly character, desire to serve the Lord, and genuine kindness. Darien and I had gotten to know one another in the context of group activities.
One evening Darien asked me if we could arrange to meet together. On July 13, Darien and I met after a softball game to take a walk. It was during this walk on July 13 that Darien unfolded for me His views on dating and betrothal. On this evening Darien asked me to pray about whether God would have us be married. In our earnest attempt to abide by the Biblical model, the answer would come through my parents.
I spent several days in much prayer and searched Scripture to weigh the precepts of betrothal that Darien had shared with me. As I searched Scripture, the Lord opened my eyes to betrothal as the method through which Darien and I were to be united. I approached my parents separately and asked them to pray about the possibility of Darien and me being married. Needless to say, they were shocked! They promised to give prayerful consideration to my request. My parents had further opportunity to interact with Darien when he joined the College and Career Sunday school class in coming over to my parents home for a get together.
On July 26th Darien and I had our second meeting together and at this time I shared with him that my parents and I had prayerfully come to the decision that the Lord’s hand of blessing was on our relationship. At this time both Darien and I were of the common mind that from this day forth we were committed to marrying one another.
Originally online at Christian Courtship (www.christiancourtship.com)
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