God bless you all. And now, enjoy another candid peek into the lives of some of our faithful sisters in Christ.

from Rachel:

What am I doing with my single life?

I am enjoying it… most days.

When I was 15 or 16 I thought I had my life all planned… I would finish homeschool, work for Daddy on our farm, and “someday” my prince charming would come riding in to sweep me off my feet and carry me away! (Preferably by age 21!) But God had different ideas. Now, at 24, I’m still at home, farming and ranching, but Daddy is in heaven. When he died 7 1/2 years ago, my world got turned upside down.

I have spent this time learning to redefine who I am. I couldn’t define myself by only human standards anymore, I had to be who I am in Christ, and look to Him for guidance and comfort. I’m not just “so-and-so’s” daughter, I’m a child of the King!

I have spent this time learning contentment. However, every time I think I can say, “I have learned in whatsoever state I am…” I am presented with a new way of practicing it.

Yes, there have been plenty of tears in my pillow, or cried in the milk bucket. There has also been opportunity to reach out to others who are hurting as well. What Joy!!!

from Victoria:

My situation is slighty different as my parents are divorced and I am not yet 18. I have been done with highschool for almost a year. Right now, I am spending my time helping my mother in her home. Between my two siblings, three step-siblings and two other girls with disabilities (one with cerebral palsy, the other with downs syndrome) who live currently with us, we usually have eight kids staying in our house. I spend my time helping with cleaning, cooking, and helping with schoolwork. Outside of those duties, I love to spend time reading and learning new things, fellowshipping with friends, and going and helping out wherever else I am needed. I have a wonderful relationship with both of my parents and I go and visit my dad as often as I can as they do not live too far apart. =) I almost took college courses online which would have started this month, but the Lord told me that it was not part of His plan for my life. Now I am learning serve Him better day by day, and waiting to see where He leads. I cannot say how freeing it is to simply rest in Him.

God Bless!

from Jordan:

I was just thinking yesterday how fast my life to date has passed. Watching 6 children ages 1 to 10 will do that to you! It has really made me re-evaluate and realize how much I should be enjoying my current time of life. I’m only 17, so I haven’t had to learn to be content single, but I have struggled with putting my life in God’s hands. This verse in a song by Casting Crowns pretty well sums up my constant prayer:

Here at Your feet I lay my future down.
All of my dreams I give to You now and I find peace!
Here at Your feet I lay my life down
For You, my King, are all I want now and my soul sings!

I am spending my “single years” doing whatever God leads me to do. A couple months ago He gave me the opportunity to drive 9 hours to stay with a friend of a friend who has three boys 5 and under and a baby on the way. I was able to help prepare meals and make a few quilts while I was there.

When I was 13 I started a sewing ministry at my church. It has grown and changed, but it’s still going strong! It has given me a good opportunity to practice being an “older woman” to girls other than my sisters.

Around that time I also started sewing for ladies in our homeschool group, making modest dresses for their daughters. I have grown that into a business over the past 4 years. My vision is to keep the modest clothing that I make high on quality and low on cost since I know many homeschool families live on a single income.

D L Moody said, “It is better to say, ‘This one thing I do’ than to say, ‘These forty things I dabble with’.” The things above are really just things I dabble in. My “one thing”? Abiding in Christ: Living in Him, Learning of Him and Loving through Him.

from Vanessa:

Sometimes I am not sure I even know what it is like to be single – even though I am. My “single” years so far have been filled with so many children, so much activity, and so much love that loneliness has not been a huge issue for me. I have almost always had something to do. Right now I am a private duty nurse for a child. It’s very fulfilling work and I am learning skills I hope to use in the future.

My single years have been filled with extremes. I have had some very unique experiences, such as being a caregiver in an orphanage. That gave me years of parenting experience. Since entering the nursing field, I have dealt with births and deaths and everything in between. I do not fit into any sort of mold. I do not feel like a “sitting duck” – my life has not involved a whole lot of sitting around! My goal is to let the Lord Jesus Christ be the center of my existence. Even though choosing to follow the Lord sometimes brings personal pain, I do not regret the path I have chosen.

from Sarah:

When I was sixteen I thought I was ready! Ready to have a boyfriend, ready to get married very soon, ready to quit attending the churches valentines banquet alone. But my Prince Charming still hadn’t shown up. What was wrong with him? Didn’t he know I was ready?! Now, at the young age of twenty, I look back and laugh at myself. God is using these single years to chip away at some things in my life that He needed to get rid of. And it would be so much more painful were a young man in the mix. Do I want to get married? Yes! Am I ready? No. So, I’m using this time to draw closer to the Lord. I’m using it to be a missionary to my family, to my neighbors. Those things won’t stop when I become a “Mrs.”, but I can devote more energy and time to it now. And I’m actually thankful for this time of singleness. Right now I live with my sister as a “live in nanny”, as we like to call it. It’s very practical training for learning to be mommy, cook, housecleaner, teacher and organizer!

And we’ll close for now with a good word of encouragement. Though not technically a comment on singleness, every one of us can benefit from the joyful perspective of a new bride:

from Regina:

Thank you so much for sharing! How well I remember the days of tears and longings, wondering when (if ever) God would bring a husband and trying my best to trust the Lord and grow close to Him through that time. Now as I look from the other side of the spectrum as a new bride (having married my beloved in September of 2009), I just want to bless each of you for yielding your lives to the Master Potter and allowing Him to shape you in His ways. I was so encouraged as I read how the Lord is using you in His kingdom as you faithfully follow Him! I discovered that learning trust – contentment – patience does not end at the marriage altar. In a way it only becomes more real as the sweetness of marriage unfolds.

God is continuing to work in my life – teaching me to trust Him, find my contentment in Him, rest in His care, and to be patient for His perfect timing. I am so grateful for the foundation that began in my single years.

As you follow the Lord and serve him faithfully in the little things remember that what you are learning now is becoming a foundation for what the Lord will continue to teach you through the coming years, as He unfolds His plan for your life.

Blessings to each one of you – married or single – Let us continue to lay our lives at the feet of the Father and trust Him in every situation we find ourselves in.

If you happened to miss the previous entries in the series, take a look at Single-Minded, Part Two and Single-Minded, Part Three.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

Part Two gave us a picture of half-a dozen young ladies spending their days lavishly in the love of God, and the stories you’ll find below are no different. I’ll just let them speak for themselves.

And check back on Friday for Part Four!

from Elizabeth:

The answer to “How are you keeping busy?” is that I am living life. I’ve never known anything except singlehood, so it feels fairly normal.

As to what God is teaching me: I often think of the young ladies in Biblical times as being under the protection of their parents and elders. As a missionary, I am not living with my parents, but I still feel under their protection, as well as under the protection of my Heavenly Father.

Recently I was praying about marriage, and I had a vision of standing before a crosswalk with the Lord tightly holding my hand. He would not let me go yet; it was not safe to cross, and He would not let me run into a dangerous situation. I am often aware of how He knows exactly what I need and what I DON’T need at any moment in time.

from Lin:

I am happily waiting for a person who will be easy to chose to love after years and years of marriage. It is so exciting to think about someone who will be just right for me the same way I see my parents and rest of the family married. It is like an unopened present that only gets sweeter and sweeter with time. I can feel in my heart my time is not yet and I rejoice in my free as the wind days! Life is simple, uncomplicated and happy! God has blessed me beyond reason!

from Ginger:

I wonder often when my prince will find me. Is there even a prince in my future? Questions like that will assail my mind at times. But for the most part, I am very happy in my “single” state and I try to leave the matchmaking to the One Who created my story before I was even born.

To answer your question. Yes, the Lord has given me plenty of opportunities while I am single. For one He has given me the gift of teaching and the opportunity to have my own classroom and my own class. I am able to have my full attention in teaching right now while I am still fairly new to the whole teaching thing!

I also am enjoying my single state while I have a six month old brother at home. I enjoy having this time to still be at home and to have this time to be an important part in my brother’s up bringing.

Those are only are a couple of blessings God has given me. There are so many more but I would have to write a novel to list all of them!

from Sarah:

In this time of singleness God has given me an incredible opportunity to continue my education. Occasionally I get wrapped up in waiting for “the one” and feel like I shouldn’t make plans too far into the future in case “Mr. Right” appears, but then I remember that God is not simply in control of my future, but also my present. His plan for me today is education and I need to wait patiently and prayerfully for Him to reveal His plans for my future.

from Kiersti:

While in my younger years I had hoped to be married by my current age of 25, the Lord has given me so many good things in this season of singleness. I am grateful to have the freedom and availability right now to help my family care for my elderly grandmother, whom we live with and who has dementia. I know things would be much harder on my parents and sister without my extra pair of hands. God has also given me jobs I enjoy–working in the Writing Center at my local community college and private tutoring an 8th grade girl in writing and English–as well as other special opportunities, like a writing internship with a small children’s missions magazine and helping with a Christian musical theater group for families that my family helped start this year. While the Lord has not seen fit to fulfill my dream of being a wife and mother yet, He has fulfilled other dreams that I didn’t even expect Him to, like getting to teach dance to children, be involved in musical theater, and even visit Europe when I studied abroad in college. He has also given me precious time with my family that I would have missed were I busy with a family of my own. Most of all, He has shown me how very near and dear He is Himself–though I know I still have so far to go in learning to know and love Him–and how Jesus truly is more than enough, and the only One who can meet our deepest needs and desires. These lessons have come through much heartache, but they are worth it. There are still days when singleness is very hard, as one by one my friends get engaged and married and no young man seems to show interest in me. But I can see more and more that the Lord’s plan is best. Thank you to all you girls who have shared…it is a blessing to see how He is blessing and using each of you right where He has placed you. May He bless you, and all you readers, each one.

from Abigail:

When I was younger it seemed like I had two possibilities ahead of me: marrying young or “surviving” a period of singleness. I have been pleasantly surprised to find myself in the midst of a third option: actually enjoying singleness! There are times, certainly, as Elisabeth mentioned, when those little glimpses of married life make my heart ache. There are days when I need to make a list of “Benefits I am Receiving From This Season.” But much of the time I am content and very happy. Recently I was surprised to hear myself say, “Thank You, Lord, that I’m not married yet!” I credit this to God’s grace in helping me to enjoy this unique time. For me, the more involved I get in ministry and the more I realize the many needs that surround me, the easier it is to stay focused on using this time well. If I think “How long will I have to wait until I can get married?” the wait can seem daunting, but if I think, “How much longer will I have to be this free and flexible for serving the Lord?” I feel like time is running short!

from Megan:

I’m going to Moody Bible Institute as a Women’s Ministry major starting next fall. I would love to end up working with young ladies in their teens and twenties, so one way that I see my single years is as time to gain experiences so that I can relate to girls who go through the same things. I’ve got some wonderful women who give me wisdom right now, so I’m taking notes! This includes the realization- through disequilibration and experiences, not just concepts- that God really is the Lover of my soul and the only constant, certain hope that I have.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

from Raquel Mutton:

Oh my… It’s so hard to untangle the answers to the questions you’re asking from the pain and tears of not knowing, and one more birthday being single, and one more day of biting my lip as I try to do what’s in front of me without creating a fantasy of world of how ‘he’ will come and fall madly in love with me…someday…

So what am I doing right now? When I turned 18 and graduated from my last year of homeschooling I moved in with my sister and her husband and their (then) five children. I am now 24, and my sister has seven children, and I’ve spent the last 6 years ‘practicing’ my homemaking skills. I thought I had them down pat because I was a nice homeschooled girl who knew how to cook and clean and do practical things, but I learned there’s a difference between knowing how and doing it day after day after day through all of the surprise inconveniences life throws at you.

While I’ve been busy growing up through the past few years, so have my sister’s children, and now that her oldest is 14, I’m needed less than I used to be around the house. One thing I’m spending my time on now is my amazing new hobby of couponing. I’ve discovered that if you put the time into learning the ‘game’ and plan each shopping trip carefully you can get tons of stuff for free or very cheap by combining sales and coupons. Some of this stays in my sister’s house, some of it gets sent to the house of another homeschool family nearby, and everything that’s left I donate to a local mission.

I have learned that no matter how small and pointless (and sometimes boring) my part seems in the grand scheme of things, if it’s the job God gave me, I will be faithful. I have learned that feeling peace is not necessary to being content in God–which is helpful when I’m once again sobbing into my pillow and wonder if I should be feeling guilty for being so miserable. I have learned that no matter how strongly it feels that God just ditched me and doesn’t care about me, it is not true and never will be. I have learned that I since I can never be good enough or wise enough to earn any good gifts from God, that means that my singleness isn’t a punishment for ‘not being good enough yet’. I have learned that no matter how well I think I’ve learned all of these lessons, I will promptly forget and need to learn them all over again.

I have learned that life is incredibly more excruciatingly painful and complicated and messy than I ever realized, and that my God is bigger, and brighter and more amazing than I could have known without the pain.

from ladyfelicity:

My single days are filled with … life. Abundant, exhilerating, exhausting, precious, wonderful life. (Sorry, that isn’t simple and succinct!) Let’s try again …

For me, the key to not just surviving but LIVING singleness is surrender. I try to surrender EVERYTHING. Jesus knows and understands and cares about my hopes and dreams. My life belongs to Him and I’ll never miss my life by leaving the details of love and marriage and motherhood in His hands. His timing is perfect. He knows how old I am and He’ll work everything together for good – even “the late twenties” and the challenges with which they present single girls. For me, the key to living singleness is surrendering everything to Him and watching Him do wonderful things in a heart and life that belong to Him.

God has brought some amazing things into my life – the chance to do admin for a local Christian ministry that ministers and prays on the streets of the city and the inspiration to write … articles and, come this spring, real life books. These are unique opportunities for TODAY – for this season of singleness. One of the wonderful-to-me ideals I have for this season is to write books that encourage girls in faith through stories. If we’re surrendered to Him and committed to saying yes to Him and walking with Him in faith, He brings wonderful things into our lives – things we can do with and for Him, but would never dream of doing on our own initiative or in our own strength. It’s a blessing to serve our families and friends, but it’s so exciting when God brings MORE.

Focusing on God ALONE is hard when you want to focus on Him WITH a special someone. But think of it the other way round – someday you’ll have to focus on Him with a husband and a bunch of children, but now you can focus on Him ALONE. It’s just you and Him and that’s … special. He can be your dearest friend. Make the most of it TODAY!

from Millie LeFlore:

I’m 26 and as I continue to follow Jesus Christ, he is showing me more of his heart through my singleness. When I lay my desires before Him they become a place where He meets me and speaks directly to my heart about His love and desire to be with me. Although I wanted to be married at 18, looking back I wouldn’t trade my years of singleness for anything. Through them I have learned what surrender is, what trust is, and I’ve been free to serve on the mission field in ways a married woman may not have been able. Thank you Jesus for my singleness!! thank you Jesus for YOU.

from Stacy:

As a single woman going into her mid twenties, I still long to meet the right one, but want to keep my relationship with the Lord as my first priority. It’s not easy, but I still hope for the best. I try now by volunteering wherever I can in my church and expand my writing ministry. It does help to do things and focus on positive things in the present. If I fall, I just get up and dust off my shoulders.

from Rachelle:

I organize the youth newsletter for my church. I am beginning a read-a-thon Feb. 12 to raise money for Compassion International’s relief efforts in Haiti. Most importantly, though, I am seeking to seek Him first during this time of serving Him “without distraction.”

from Anna Lofgren:

I am spending my single days serving my Savior and community He’s placed me in for now, learning contentment and trust, and preparing for marriage, and motherhood, if and whenever that will happen. I’m taking advantage of extra time I have to devote to the Lord and be about His affairs, making sure that my day starts with extended time with my heavenly Father. Making a routine of studying many books helps deepen my walk with Him and prepare myself for the different roles He may have me play. Though it can definitely be a struggle at times, God has granted me peace and contentment as I trust Him for His timing. Time and again He’s led me in amazing ways to show me what He wants me to focus on for now. As a single young lady, He’s blessed me with time with my family at home, and given me the incredible opportunity of teaching praise ballet to 40 young girls and directing theatre involving many families. It is a joy to be a part of bringing glory to God through the arts!

to be continued…

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

May I be honest?

“The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth” is that—take a deep breath—the pain of singleness is real…deep…persistent.

I hate to admit it, but when I was in my teens, I whined about singleness. I wanted to marry “my childhood sweetheart.” I didn’t, actually, have such a guy in my life. I wanted to marry right out of school. I didn’t, obviously, considering that I’m writing this article! And way back then, it was tough dealing with frustrated desires of the heart and I whined—at my Jesus, to my parents and my friends, in my diary.

Now—in my mid-twenties—I try hard not to whine! (I want to stress that fact!) But it’s still tough dealing with frustrated desires of the heart.

Really tough.

Really, really, really tough.

Like I said, the pain is real…deep…persistent.

I’m surprised at how real it is. It’s not “just” a sense of emotional yearning, it’s a physical pain. It’s so deep (and personal), it’s hard to express. And it’s so persistent, it’s hard to forget.

When a friend starts dating or courting or, more often in my circle of friends, gets married or has a baby (or another baby), I’m so happy for her, but not-so-happy for little ol’ ME!

I was just looking at the pictures of one of my dearest friends and her young man at a ball. They are the cutest couple ever. I’m so totally, ridiculously happy for her I couldn’t stop smiling the whole time I was looking at the pictures! But…the whole time I was looking at the pictures, I was thinking about MY as-yet-unknown young man—wondering who he is and where he is at this moment…wanting him at my side…missing him in my heart. Moments like these—the news that a young couple have fallen in love, the sight of an old couple holding hands, the chance to cuddle a baby (not my own)—bring tears to my eyes.

And I wonder…why?

I don’t know why God allows the pain of singleness. The pain seems so pointless. But there’s more to singleness than the pain in my heart.

In Philippians 1:6, Paul says, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” I love this verse. I feel as if God has a LOT to do to perfect in me “a good work”—the good work of conforming me to the image of my Jesus. In Romans 8:29, Paul says, “For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His son…” How wonderful is it that God has predestined me to become conformed to the image of His Son—my Jesus. In Philippians 2:13 Paul says, “For it is God who is at work in you both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” And in Romans 8:28 Paul says, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

Do you see?

Do you understand?

The pain of singleness is one of the things that God uses to perfect the good work He has begun in me and to conform me to the image of my Jesus.

He uses the pain for good.

He uses the tears for good.

He uses the soul-ache for good.

He uses them to conform me to the image of the One who knows and loves me best—who knows the pain and understands the tears. I promise. More to the point, He promises. He’s making you like Him and He’s using the pain of singleness to transform you, so you are radiant with Him.

But He doesn’t just promise to transform you; He promises something even more wonderful:

I am with you always, even to the end of the age. (Matthew 28:20)

Almost two thousand years after He uttered those words, do you believe the promise? It was made by your Jesus. Believe it—believe Him.

When the pain of singleness is overwhelming and feels pointless (not to mention endless!), remember that your Jesus is with you in the midst of the singleness. In the midst of the pain. In the midst of the ups and downs–joys and sorrows–of your life.

The pain is real.

But the promise is real, too. Your Jesus is with you … always. Forever.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

originally written February 2007

As I sit here planning a candlelight Valentine’s dinner with my love, I think back on the conversation I had a few days ago with my single sister-in-law. Her Bible school class on marriage has given her a lot to think about.

I couldn’t tell her the teacher was wrong. I couldn’t tell her marriage was easy. It’s not. She and I both know her brother is pretty close to perfect. But he still hurts my feelings sometimes. She and I both know housekeeping isn’t easy. I often fall short of my husband’s expectations. We all know that there are emotional days when nothing goes right. Sometimes, the bowl of potato salad breaks all over the clean kitchen floor and you don’t go to the potluck.

Marriage is not easy. But life is not easy.

No marriage can be perfect. For no person can be perfect.

Such is reality, I assured my sister-in-law Marlys. Yet so is the reality that I am living my happiest dreams. Life at the side of my husband is more wonderful than I ever imagined. Merritt steadies me, balances me, completes me. I am even more emotionally stable since our marriage, he says. (And as the chief shoulder upon which I cry, I guess he should know.) Truly, we are as happy as can be.

But it’s time for Valentine’s Day once again. The day I so often mourned my solitary state. The day I was in raptures at his phone call and Valentine. The day I agreed to marry him.

So on this day of unrealistic hopes and overwhelming longings, I encourage my sister-in-law and other singles like her to enjoy February 14. Don’t ruin a perfectly good Wednesday with self-pity. Offer free babysitting so a couple can have a much needed dinner date. Pray for someone who is spending their first Valentine’s alone after the death of their beloved. Make your parents a candlelight dinner then slip away with your siblings. Bake some cookies for some special older people in your life. Be so busy giving love you won’t have time to miss it.

On this day for lovers, I smile as I think of the newly-engaged couples I know. If they were listening (ah, but they have eyes and ears only for each other), I would tell them to savor the sweetness, the fresh newness of their love and happiness together. For I know that yet another Valentine’s Day will find them reliving the memories, even more joy-filled and content than they ever imagined.

And to my love, my husband, I whisper words but few:

“Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be!”

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

Ruth Bell, written in 1939 before she met Billy
published in Never Let it End: Poems of a Lifelong Love

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

But in this pause, as the company slowly shuts down for the night around me and my husband passes in and out with a quick smile, I can’t help but think of the time in which I not only did not own such a privilege as to bustle into this man’s office, clearing papers for the basket of bread and cake that I bore and completely commandeering his work space for a YLCF post—but when I had no idea that he even existed! It seems so funny to think of it, but my brother was employed by the electrician that did the wiring for this building, spending days on end working directly with Philip, the summer before I even met him. We laugh about it now—how all it would have taken would have been one day of me being sweet enough to drive my little brother to work and we’d have had this deal wrapped up a whole year earlier!

And it feels like forever ago—another lifetime altogether—that the big question of my life lay unanswered and the future stretched ahead like a kaleidoscope of differing possibility. What would he look like? Would he be as kind as I hoped, as gallant? Would he sweep me off my feet in a moment or engage in a gentle wooing?

Would I be married at all? Was there something I was missing; some path God was pointing to that didn’t lead to a wedding but to some other adventure of His choosing?

Would I be happy?

Those days may seem like a long time ago now. But I remember the questioning like it was yesterday. I remember the frustrations of singleness and the endless curiosity and the flashes of carefree joy with which God blessed my way. I remember the comparative luxury of time to focus on the Lord “without distraction” and I remember the pain of waiting. Keenly. I will never forget it. And I’m glad.

We at YLCF have been thinking a lot about our singles lately, wanting to make sure we’re serving your needs and meeting you where you are. We want to be aware that in the midst of all the good posts on marriage and homemaking and motherhood we’re not leaning too exclusively on vision-casting—important in its own right and a good thing. But not the only thing.

Not the Main Thing.

It’s for that reason that I’m excited to announce a special “Single-Mindedness” for the month of February. Look out for some wonderful pieces, some of which have been penned by our very own YLCF readers, on the blessings, the unique opportunities and, yes, the struggles of singlehood. And get ready for a little audience participation, as well. We want to hear from you: what are you doing with your single days? How are you focusing on the Lord and your relationship with Him? How are you maintaining your pursuit of the Main Thing in the midst of desire? In what ways have you learned contentment? What wonderful opportunities and ambitions has He given you?

Be thinking about it, because we want you to leave a comment on this post—or any of the others to follow this month—telling us how you’re actively investing your singlehood to the glory of God! Keep it simple and succinct because we’re planning on compiling them all into one post at the end of the month. And I am anticipating a wonderful tapestry of diversity exhibiting the creativity of our Creator-King and the beauty of His daughters in more unique situations than we can imagine.

So get scribbling!

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

My little family is pulling up our roots (my roots anyway) in California, loading up a moving van and driving a bit north and a bit east, eventually landing in a tiny Rocky Mountain town (my husband’s roots).

You may remember that my husband is a Marine–a job that requires extended periods of time in a combat zone. We’ve done the deployment thing before… and it’s time to start over. In about six weeks, my beloved will be heading to Afghanistan for 13 months. It will be long, and it will be hard, but we’ve experienced enough of God’s sufficient grace to know that we’ll get through it.

Which brings us to this move. We have about a week until we haul ourselves and all of our belongings into the mountains, where the boys and I will have the opportunity to be near John’s family for the next year and a half. I love the mountains, I love the snow (which we’ll have more often than not, living at over 10,000 ft. elevation!) and I love my parents-in-love. While I’m not at all looking forward to leaving the people and places we love here in California, when it comes to living in Colorado, I’m basically, in a word, thrilled.

But the moving part? The sea of cardboard boxes? The Everest of packing paper? Not so much.

Combined with John’s extremely long pre-deployment training hours and me still just as busy as ever caring for our little people, I was beginning to freak out get a bit overwhelmed.

Until the knock at my door last week that brought me a blessing. Two of them, actually. A pair of sweet fifteen year old girls with smiles on their faces and hearts eager to just… help.

They fed the boys lunch. They read books. They played with toys. They made cupcakes and let my three year old crack the eggs. They cleaned up messes and wiped hands and faces. They raced up and down the stairs, running for tape and permanent markers, blankies and stuffed Pooh Bears.

I packed boxes. I checked off a long list of phone calls. I wrote about ten urgent emails. I packed more boxes. I sorted through paperwork. I organized and threw out old craft supplies. I folded laundry. I packed MORE boxes.

We had long conversations about life and struggles during nap time. We packed up all the books from our last two bookshelves.  We stacked boxes and labeled them. They helped me figure out what to keep and what to toss. We did a lot of laughing.

I could have kept them for days.

These girls aren’t perfect. They didn’t step straight from a nineteenth century story book. They’re normal fifteen year old girls living in 2010, complete with texts messages ringing in every few minutes. They like to laugh and they deal with the same everyday issues every other young lady faces. I’d even guess they might not always be quite as eager to wipe faces and play with Legos in their own homes.

But they both have hearts that love Jesus and are quick to do whatever needed to be a blessing. They shared their hearts with me that day and I saw beauty and maturity in that glimpse. God is at work in these girls’ lives. They put themselves aside for a day in January and sweetly gave their time and energy to a busy mom of two little boys.

When I was a teenager, I made a trip to visit some friends in Texas, splitting my time between two sisters who were each married with active little ones and only lived a short distance apart. In preparing to head out there, my young self was anticipating being busy making meals and cleaning the house so these young moms would have some free time to spend with their children.

What I didn’t expect was the reality of mothers needing time to catch up with all the million and ten other things that never get done because they do spend most of their time playing and cuddling and feeding and changing and training their busy tiny people. While I did make a few meals and bake a couple desserts and do a bit of shopping and mop some floors and change several diapers, I spent the majority of my time playing and cuddling and feeding and changing the children. It freed the mothers to get caught up on other important things and feel a little more rested.

I consider myself very blessed to be surrounded by willing mother’s helpers. I’ve had several here in San Diego. When I get to Colorado, I know of two other young ladies who are just as sweet and just as eager to help (also YLCF readers, incidentally!).

But I know not every mother of little ones is in the same situation. Perhaps you know of one such mother. Maybe she’s busy and weary, waiting for a single young lady to step forward and offer a few hours of time so she can catch up. Perhaps she’s overwhelmed with a move or a new baby or a husband’s busy schedule–or maybe she would just like to take a nap or make dinner with two hands! She could be wishing, right now, that there was someone who could spend a few hours playing with her little ones and maybe vacuum the living room carpet.

And maybe you are just the girl for the job!

I’ve been given a gift with these various young women. Mothers, don’t afraid to accept help, and young women, don’t be afraid to offer it! Get out there and get helping!

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

This is not to say, exactly, that John and I are both devouring a new marriage book every day, nor that my primary reading is necessarily books on marriage, but every few months we remind each other how much better our already strong union seems to become when each day we’re both reading a chapter or even just a few pages of a good, solid, scripture-filled discussion on the topic the most important earthly relationship we’ll ever have.

It would stand to reason, then, that I’ve worked my way through a good number of such books and developed an affinity for certain re-readables. Give me a solid foundation! Give me strong basics! Give me practicality! Drown me in the applicable and correctly used words of the Author of marriage!  Please don’t give me watered-down talks of feelings and sparks and how to make everyone happy and comfortable–be assured I can think up all of that on my own, which is precisely why I need a good marriage book! After breezing through a particularly weak specimen, I find myself having to pull one of these favorites from the shelf to redeem the one I’ve just finished.

My current pick? Lasting Love: How To Avoid Marital Failure written by Alistair Begg.

Having listened to Alistair Begg on the radio off and on since girlhood, I knew I had acquired a gem when I found this in a very large stack of books recently given to me, a fact certainly true. But one of the things I’m most excited about in this particular book isn’t even the excellent marital teaching.

It’s the third chapter. On singleness, to be exact. Soon my 18 year old brother going off to his Bible institute, my as-of-yet-unmarried bestest girlfriend and my “little sister” in Alabama will all be taking a good thorough trip through this chapter… even if they don’t exactly, you know, know it yet.

We’ve all known a number of young women (and young men) who are rushing into marriage as soon as possible with other people who haven’t necessarily grasped the concept of wholly living for the Lord individually, simply because they think marriage to be the ultimate goal. In doing so, they’ve equated being focused on the Lord with being focused on marriage, not realizing that the two are both inclusive as well as exclusive–a marriage can never be complete without being founded on Christ, but a relationship with Christ and life of complete service to Him SHOULD be complete without a marriage.

The beginning of Lasting Love’s second chapter emphasizes this:

When we think about relationships, we should be very clear that our relationship to God must come first. We may well have to pause immediately and ask ourselves just where we stand when it comes to this aspect of our lives. Have we entered through the narrow gate, taken up our cross, and begun to follow Jesus? Or are we simply being kept afloat by the faith of our family? Are we seeking first the kingdom of God and endeavoring to do the right thing, or are we just living to please ourselves? Until we settle this matter, we are unprepared to make the right decision about other relationships.

Marriage is not an “end all” goal and, while certainly a high and holy state established by God, cannot be viewed as the beginning of our real life.

We must also recognize that our significance and fulfillment in life is not to be determined by whether or not we have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. You will know of sad stories involving friends who rushed into relationships driven by fear of what others would say about them if they were not “dating” or “involved.” Settle the matter right now. There is no good thing which the Lord will withhold from those whose walk is blameless. There is no need for panic. It is He who makes everything beautiful in His time.

The chapter moves forward, simply overflowing with golden nuggets of biblical wisdom on the topic of getting married. Begg outlines the qualities and characteristics important to find in a potential spouse–even suggesting it right and good to put oneself in places where such a (godly) person might be found!

I’m drinking up the following chapters on marriage itself, but I’ve been particularly thrilled to find this excellent bit on purposeful singlehood. It’s not often, in my experience, that we find a solid, balanced view of the topic.

This last quote sums up much of my own (and, might I say, the rest of the YLCF Team’s) thoughts and goals for all of us, married or single.

Wisdom comes from God (James 1:5). Don’t leave a decision about whether or not to get married to instinct and logic. Be sure to see what God has to say about the matter. He may want to use you as a single person. . . or He may want to use you as a married person. Regardless of your marital state, you can be sure He wants to lead you through life and achieve all the potential with which He has gifted you.

Read your own copy of Lasting Love: How To Avoid Marital Failure. Married or single, you won’t regret it.

And tell us, what are you favorite books on marriage and/or singleness?

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

But marriage is not the end goal of life.

Knowing personally and loving wholly the precious Savior IS the first and foremost goal of life. While such things as marriage and motherhood are, for many, the outworking of this goal, marriage in and of itself doesn’t make a life complete. It doesn’t signal the beginning of “real life.” It is simply a way God has ordained for some–I’d even venture to say most, but certainly not all–to better glorify Himself. Personal fulfillment, joy and happiness aren’t obtained solely through the finding of a life partner. If this is the only thing one is hoping for, waiting idly for, or even preparing solely for, something is severely wrong. Nowhere in scripture does God command or even suggest that marriage is the “IT” thing in the life of anyone–not even young women. In fact, the verses speaking specifically to unmarried women say the opposite–single women should be concerned wholly and completely with learning of, loving and serving their Heavenly Father, not waiting expectantly for life to truly begin with the appearance of Prince Charming.

It seems there is a rash among Christian young women to see their lives as being in a holding pattern until they get married. I know many–far too many–young ladies who prepare in every way and form they can think of, expecting to get married right after high school, because, well, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Some of us grow up often thinking that all we want to do in life is be a wife and mother… so why think of or plan for anything else? We do a good thing in learning basic and sometimes advanced housekeeping skills as we get older, and often, for Christian young women raised (rightly so) to revere and respect the position of wife and mother, this is the thing into which we pour our whole selves while we wait.

Sometimes, though, the waiting is longer than we thought it would be when we were 16. We reach the end of high school and our knight in shining armour hasn’t yet arrived on his white steed, so we wait another year or so, knowing he’ll drop from the sky soon… right? Two years pass… and three… and five… and… before you know it,  some have been single for much longer than they expected. They’ve been waiting at home doing everything they can to prepare for marriage–learning to cook, care for children, keep a home. They far surpass the basic housekeeping skills and have become a homemaker any young man would be blessed to have loving him and keeping his home. But some of them are beginning to wonder–what do I do with these single years as a whole? Have I possibly spent these past years waiting for something never meant to complete me in the first place?

We think we’re living for the Lord by preparing for marriage and marriage alone and might even feel a bit puffed up about our “holy focus” instead of doing the so-called “worldly” thing of pursuing a busy life of college, missions, service or anything that doesn’t center on preparation for marriage. We don’t realize we’re actually guilty of doing the very thing we’re accusing the rest of the “world” of doing. We’re living for our own pleasure–we believe we know what will make us happiest and most fulfilled in this life and so, as with someone wishing to enter any other field, we pursue nothing else. Is it worth considering that in some of these situations, perhaps we’re actually being blinded by our own desires? Are our own preconceived notions keeping us from what God actually has for us for this particular season?

Stay tuned for Part Two…

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

It’s not a to-do list.

It’s not a game with hidden rules.

Though sometimes it feels like all of those combined.

Being single is not something I like to talk about. Because there are days, if you want me to be honest [and I think you do], being single feels like a curse.

A punishment.

A loss.

And if only I could find the magic key, pray the magic prayer, or do the right amount of things on the list, it could all be over.

And good Christian girls aren’t supposed to hurt if they are single. They are supposed to love it and endure it and think that being single is a glorious gift.

I don’t always think that. And I am a Christian. I promise.

On the other hand, it doesn’t hurt everyday. Many days, I totally love my life and I am super grateful for all the wonderful things God is doing.

It just seems like one day, I’ll unknowingly pray the magic word and POOF, my husband-to-be will appear, we will get engaged, and all my married friends will sit around and laugh at the memory of my singleness and how they are so glad they don’t have to keep the secret from me any longer.

Or what if I could solve it myself? Like one day, I say, “Oh, I’m single because I haven’t done enough hours of community service? Well, I’m really going to get right on that.” If, somehow, we had the power to orchestrate life to look the way we think is right.

The problem: Being single is a punishment that I have brought upon myself.

The solution: Do something about it.

But that is not the case.

A funny thing just happened. As I’m sitting here typing this post at the beach, my friend yells to me, “Come look, there’s a wedding!” I immediately jump up, roll my eyes, and with a hint of a smile say, “God, You would do that to me.”

Here I am writing about the confusion and concern and worry that come from the heart of a 29-year old single girl, and just down the beach, someone has solved the puzzle. In her white dress, she practically floats across the sand right into her answered prayer.

I almost yelled, “WHAT’S THE MAGIC WORD??!”

But that might have been awkward.

I stood there and watched the entire wedding, from the bride entering to the couple taking pictures on the sand. And as evening came and the sunshine melted away, so did my sad heart. In its place, God filled me with a renewed hope.

Not hope that my husband is on the next train into Annie-ville. [Though I wouldn’t mind that.]

But hope in the truth that this is out of my control. A hope in HIM. A hope that only comes from knowing that there is no real checklist, there is no certain amount of community service hours, and there is no puzzle to be solved.

In Romans 12:12, it says to be joyful in hope. And when I think about the truth, that God knows better than me, that His plans are always good, and that singleness is just part of that good plan, then I can choose joy.

Choose joy. Choose to live the abundant life that He has already given me.

The hope I have is in knowing that He knows. I can have days when I whine and am disappointed and feel hurt. But He knows my heart, He knows my desires, and He knows, in the end, that I love Him more than anything.

There is no puzzle. There is no checklist.

There is just a loving God who knows my heart and loves me anyways.



Annie Downs tells stories for a living as a freelance writer in Nashville, Tennessee. Flawed but funny, Annie uses her writing to highlight the everyday goodness of a real and present God. You can read more from her (but probably not about being single) at annieblogs.com.

Also read Symbol of Hope, another excellent post by Annie at (In)Courage.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

I have been married for nearly 6 years now, and I love being married to my best friend. But I have to say, marriage is work, a continual working at that. When we got married, an older friend told us, “You won’t just float into a spiritual marriage.” And it’s so true. A strong, spiritual, healthy marriage takes the Lord working and changing and molding you individually and together all along the way. Conflicts come whenever you live this closely with another human being.

Is it worth every minute? Absolutely! Is marriage more wonderful than I ever imagined? Yes and then some.

The more you learn now, the better your marriage will be. So here’s a short list of ways you can prepare your heart to be the godly woman of his dreams:

Learn to trust in the Lord with your whole heart. The Lord is the one who will make your marriage great. I want to emphasize this point of trusting in Him because there will be times in your marriage where you and your husband won’t see eye to eye, and it will be hard for you to submit to his leadership. If you have learned to trust in the Lord for all things, it will make it easier to trust the Lord in and through your husband. You won’t have to strive or chafe–you can just trust in the Lord and be at rest, knowing Who is in control.

Learn to live selflessly, to serve. This kind of goes without saying, I suppose, but it is, in my mind, one of the keys to a wonderful marriage. Marriage, and particularly motherhood, require nothing, if not self-sacrifice. Much of our role as wife and mother is simply meeting the needs of those around you. I count it my sacred calling (and privilege, at that) to lay down my life for my husband and children. To invest in their lives. To make my husband great, and my children spiritual warriors for His kingdom. It is all too easy to fall into the trap of wanting to be married to satisfy our longings and our needs, which has the potential to lead to great disappointment. Be careful not to go into marriage with the desire or expectation to be served, rather than to serve. Real love is laying down our lives, and a truly great marriage is built upon (the Lord first and foremost, of course, but also) self sacrifice. Learn to lay down your life, to submit to others (particularly your parents), to invest in others now, to serve your parents, siblings, friends with the love of Christ, and marriage will be but a smooth transition.

Learn to invest your time wisely. In other words, learn to have and stick to priorities. Before I was married, I used to spend a lot of time online–hanging out on message boards, writing e-mails to friends, and chatting with people all over the country. I had plenty of time then, but hindsight is 20-20. I think back now and question what all that time really did for me. Quite honestly, as much as I enjoyed it, I wish I could go back and invest that time more wisely. Not only because there were far better ways that I could have been spending my time, but also because it formed habits for me that have been hard to break. My time isn’t as free these days with a household to manage and little ones to love and train, and yet I have to struggle against the lure of the online world to keep my priorities straight. I wish I had invested more into the relationships around me, in what really matters and counts for eternity–especially now that I live across the country from my family. Learn good habits now of temperance and putting priority on what really matters, and it won’t be as much of a challenge to take on and keep up with the responsibilities that come with a husband, children, and a household. This time before marriage is a very special time, a wonderful opportunity. Enjoy it. Make the most of it. Seek to serve others. Invest in what truly matters, and use every opportunity to prepare yourself to be the best wife and mother you can be. (And that doesn’t include daydreaming!)

Learn to use your money wisely. I wish I had done more of this as a single girl, when $4 lattes were a daily habit. In most cases, young couples starting out are on a very limited budget, if not downright poor. Learning to be frugal now, to save your money, to deny yourself that extra purchase, will be a great blessing to your husband and future budget! And even if your husband is blessed with a great job and you have a big budget to work within, you will still need the wisdom and grace to be good stewards of that money.

Rather than looking for a man, making your lists, and having all sorts of expectations for any potential suitor, focus your attention and prayers on being the girl that a godly man would want to pursue and marry.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

It was only because of the mercies of God that, after years of wrestling, I finally relinquished control of my love life to Him. Contrary to my expectations, it had nothing to do with ceasing to care about marriage. Instead I learned to become a living sacrifice: regularly, trustfully pouring out all my longings before Him.

-click here to read the rest of “His Love Stories” by Elisabeth over at Boundless

And don’t forget to re-read Elisabeth’s “Seasons of Singleness” series right here on YLCF.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

It was the summer before I turned 13.  The summer before I met Merritt.  The summer my world changed from that of a little girl to a teenager.  It was the summer I read His Perfect Faithfulness by Eric and Leslie Ludy.

All I knew about dating was what I observed from afar in the church youth group.  I didn’t think I wanted any part of it.  And I never could picture being on the stereotypical first date with a guy I hardly knew.  In the story of Eric and Leslie’s courtship, I saw a better way, a way I wanted for myself.  And in the style of that first generation of those who believed in courtship, I paved my path with good intentions and extremes.

In my search for standards that were desperately needed, I embraced legalism.  I confused modesty with extreme frumpiness, and my better than thou attitude about my apparel stood between me and many a friendship.  I wore my purity like a badge on my arm instead of as a quiet covenant of my heart.  I had my life all figured out at thirteen-except I put God in a box and left my future husband’s thoughts out of the picture entirely.

My romantic, almost-thirteen-year-old heart was enraptured by the story of Eric and Leslie saving their first kiss (with each other) for their wedding day.  It sounded beautiful, romantic, perfect.  I knew right then and there that is what I would do.  But I did not just quietly embrace the commitment to a higher standard of purity than what I saw around me; I made sure I told everyone that I was saving my first kiss for my husband.  I did more than just draw the line in the sand for myself; I thought everyone else should as well.

It would take many years to learn that there is a difference in saving your first kiss for your husband and saving your first kiss for your wedding day (which I viewed then as one and the same).  It would take a lot of conviction on the part of the Holy Spirit to see how I made the issue one of pride, not purity.  And it would take even more years before I felt like I could share my story with others without fear of what they would say (even more pride).

But I have a little sister who is thirteen years old.  And for my little sister and the countless others like her, I write this.  So that you won’t make the same mistakes I did.  So that you will embrace a high standard of purity without becoming prideful.

That summer when I read Eric and Leslie Ludy’s book I little guessed I would soon be meeting my future husband.  I had no idea the affectionate, godly man he would be.  Or how he would shake my every conviction to the core.  Not because he was a wild, rebellious boy-but because he was a godly one.  Not because he thought my convictions were all bad-but because he wanted to know where they were in the Bible.  Not because he led me down the wrong path-but because he challenged me to look at my extra-biblical rules for what they were.

“I have found that a man will usually be as much of a gentleman as a lady requires and probably no more.”
-Elisabeth Elliot

I adhered to the idea that I had to draw the line of purity or else I’d be taken advantage of.  And in my interactions with other guys, I was only too thankful to be labeled “untouchable“!  But I had yet to learn about submission to the leadership of the man who would be my husband.  Or letting the man lead and guide the relationship.

When I finally realized what I was doing, that the only reason I was not letting the man I was going to marry kiss me was because of my pride, that in fact I was not showing him love as I could and should be at that point in our courtship-I let him kiss me.  And my only regret was that I had insisted on doing it my way for so long and hadn’t let him do it in his time and way to begin with.

I’ve been to weddings where the couple made such a big deal out of the fact that it was their first kiss and did so much kissing that it was awkward for everyone there.  I’ve been to weddings where that first tender kiss, displayed for hundreds of pairs of eyes, is nothing but sweet, tender, and rather embarrassed.  Personally, I’m rather glad our first kiss wasn’t in front of all those people.  But I wholeheartedly applaud those couples who wait until the preacher says, “You may now kiss the bride.”  They probably saved themselves a lot of difficulty during their courtship by drawing that line.

But as Josh Harris has always said, purity is more than just a line in the sand.  You can be very impure in thought and attitude without your lips ever touching.  Just as you can share kisses without sinning.  You have not lost your purity if you’ve kissed someone.  But if you save that first pure, innocent kiss to give to the man whom you get to spend the rest of your life kissing, you’ll save a lot of heartache, and give him an incredible gift.

“Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other.”
-Gene Yasenak

As I tell my little sister, watch “Pamela’s Prayer“, read The Princess and the Kiss, read Eric and Leslie’s story and the other stories like theirs.  They will remind you of all the reasons you are saving your kisses for the man you’re going to marry.  And if he or you or your parents want you to wait until your wedding day to be sure that it’s your husband you’re kissing, do it.  Just as a hands-off courtship makes it much easier to know you are making the right decision, without too much emotion involved, keeping your lips to yourself will make it easier to maintain a heart and standard of purity.  I don’t recommend kissing for long courtships or in situations where couples see each other each and every day-it’s asking for trouble!  But if he wants to kiss you when you’re engaged, let him!

“I married the first man I ever kissed.  When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.”
-Barbara Bush

That first date I could never quite imagine finally came not too many months before my wedding day.  With a man who was already my very best friend.  There was nothing awkward about the way we enjoyed our cream of broccoli soup and gourmet entrées.  It was the most delightful first date.  And, true to all the stereotypical first date stories, he kissed me afterwards as we stood on the porch steps in the sunset.

If you can’t trust the man enough to let him kiss you, then by all means, don’t even kiss him goodbye-run the opposite direction.  But if he’s a man worth marrying, he won’t even try to kiss you until he knows you are ready to be kissed, until he’s committed to marrying you.  I’ll never forget the way Merritt looked at me one time as he kissed me, and said in a way that spoke volumes, “I would never do anything to hurt my best friend.”  I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that was true.  Which is why then, and now, I feel incredibly safe in his arms.

And the kiss on our wedding day?  It must have been pretty wonderful, too.  We’d planned for my cousin to ring the antique bell in the church steeple as we kissed.  I asked Merritt later, “Did they remember to ring the bell?”  He looked at me and grinned.  Apparently, his brand new wife had been so distracted by that kiss she never heard the bell ringing.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

Needless to say, we have sturdy fences in place, which we inspect regularly, as vital to keep intruders out as to keep the sheep in. And I would never—not in a million years, not for love or money—ever consider letting them so much as out of the barn without their big fluffy white babysitters, Juno and Diana. These Great Pyrenees dogs are the guardian angels of my little flock, the stouthearted sentinels that are on duty round the clock, day in and day out. They patrol the fence lines in an unwearying round of duty, and often can been seen stretched out in the pasture, in a position of alert repose, with sheep and goats grazing peacefully around them. That is a sight to warm the heart, and invariably invokes a little prayer of thanksgiving from me, and an appeal for blessings on the heads of these beautiful girls of mine.

Juno and Diana can spot an intruder a mile off. A neighboring bark can startle them out of a nap—affectionately known around here as a Pyr-pile—in a heartbeat. Several times Diana has jumped the fence, off after an unknown marauder, only to return hours later (or the next day!) with a big, goofy grin on her otherwise aristocratic face and a lolling tongue, as much as to say, “How’d I do, Mom?”

I have something of the same feeling towards the girls of YLCF as my guardian dogs do about their charges. I am very wary of the terrain they must traverse. From a perspective of years, I am all too acquainted with the dangers that may very well lay ahead, attractive lures and dainties that might prove charming enough to tempt them off the path that their Shepherd has ordained for them. And while I do not affect to the role of protection and guidance that only their Shepherd can provide, I do feel the burden of love to warn of possible threats.

To bark at a few marauders, if you’ll pardon the expression.

Many of you are at an age where you are considering marriage. Some of you are in a place to consider a specific person. You might be wondering just how sure you really can be of a potential mate. You may be so misty-eyed with love that your rose-colored glasses need a slight polishing. Whatever your unique position, I would like to offer a little heart-felt advice: Never allow yourself to judge a man by appearances alone. Things are not always what they seem. All that glitters is not gold.

One of the most horrifying scenes I have encountered in literature (at the risk of spoiling a rather decent book) is from Daphne DuMaurier’s Jamaica Inn, when the benighted young heroine realizes that the parish priest in whom she has been confiding all her suspicions and fears, the only one she feels safe in running to when real danger arises, is himself the root and originator of the evil she so much dreads. It gives me cold chills even as I write to remember the unveiling of that wolf in sheep’s clothing. Listen, ladies: there is a reason our Lord used that analogy. There is a reason that a wolf slipping in among a flock in disguise is so horrifying. It is the very ploy of the devil himself. And the devastation that can result is nothing less than tragic.

It is very easy for a man to talk the talk. (It’s easy for a girl, too, but that is another post.) In this day and age, with the more obvious dangers highlighted on the screen, it is easy for a man to slip under the radar with a few good books under his belt and a nice arsenal of Scripture on his tongue. He may even have a resume of good works to tout—but believe me, if he’s touting them, that’s a serious red flag. So are high-flown loyalties to non-essential convictions. I’m telling you, the more particular a man is in obscure observances of remote principles, the more likely he’s “lost connection with the Head”, which is Christ. (Colossians 2: 18, 19)

That’s not to say that no man of genuine conviction deserves the opportunity to try and win your heart. But the proof of the pudding is revealed when the man and his works are held up under the blinding scrutiny of the Word of God. From Galatians 6 alone: Is he loving—not just towards you, but towards all people? Is he joyful, or just in a good mood when you’re around? Is he good—that is to say, does he desire what is holy, pure and true, whether he wins your affections in the end or not? Is he faithful? Gentle? Does he have the ability to control himself? (Incidentally, this last one will probably be the most easily-observable to you once you are in a relationship. Either he can or he can’t. And there is a great gulf betwixt the two. Revere the former. Flee from the latter.)

I don’t see a lot about good looks and dashing demeanors in this list. Though it’s not exhaustive, I think it safe to say there’s nothing there—or in any other Biblical accounting of true godliness—that points to the worth of working for this ministry or that organization. Believe me, ladies—that’s not good enough. The stakes are too high for a pure-hearted woman of God in this world to settle for appearances alone. And the kind of girls that frequent this site are just the kind of girls that a wolf in sheep’s clothing would delight to devour. I’m not saying this to scare you or to make the marriage terrain appear even more impossible to navigate than it is. Far from it. For when you learn to look upon the heart, when you train and saturate yourself with the ideal of the good, and safeguard those ideals with the wisdom of parents, the insight of godly, and admittedly less cow-eyed, friends, and the ultimate perception of the Word, you can walk this mine field without fear.

To Be Continued. . .

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

We can glorify God by continuing to hang onto hope. Either He is the God of the too-good-to-be-true, or He isn’t. If I believe that He is, and is the Rewarder of those who seek Him, then I have hope. But hope is not synonymous with demanding my own way… Hope is inconvenient. It is paradoxical. It can be painful. It can search my heart and motives to the very bottom. I don’t ask for hope, and often I don’t actually want it. What I really want is for the desire to go away, or be granted. But let’s hang onto hope anyway.

Perhaps most powerfully, let’s glorify God by telling the truth about marriage to others, just when it is easiest to downplay its worth in order to ease our pain.

“One Single Day” on the Boundless webzine

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

1. Discernment and caution are extremely important in dating relationships.
2. It is, of course, possible to connect physically and/or emotionally with someone in a way that can leave scars and regrets.
3. Being involved in a long series of serious relationships is a bad idea.
4. Each person you become emotionally involved with will leave his or her mark on your heart.
5. Many dating relationships today are characterized by emotional intimacy that is too much, too soon.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

Written in fall of 2007…

Autumn has arrived! During this season, we know what to expect. Temperatures and levels of humidity will be lower than in summer. We find the crispness of the mornings to be refreshing, complementing the crunch of leaves beneath our feet. Rays of sunlight shining at lower angles through the changing crimson, orange and yellow leaves cause us to rejoice at the wonders of Creation.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

From page one it was, as I confessed to Sandra, “so much like me that it was almost scary.” The book opens with the main character beginning life in France as a culinary school student and assistant in a family bakery. Like Lexi, I remember all the excitement and trepidation associated with moving overseas. Like Lexi, I love all things French: the language, the culture, the food, the landscape. Unlike Lexi, those loves did not help my transition considering I moved to a Japanese tropical island, not a Parisan village!

There are a number of things I appreciate about this book. Instead of descriptive, often stomach-turning mush, Bon Appetit offers the tasteful, realistic tensions of a relationship while remaining safely unoffensive for any reader. Sandra immerses you in modern French culture and life at a pastry school. Anyone who has had the adventure of living and adjusting to another country will easily identify with Lexi’s struggles and exploration. The ending held a delightful–albeit tormenting–twist which leaves you rueing the fact it will be 2009 before we can read the conclusion to this series. 

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.