“Can you come now?” My voice broke as I called my mom on my cell phone.

I’d been strong on the drive to the hospital.  I’d made it through his first surgery.  But I suddenly felt very helpless and alone (the rest of my new family was back at the farm, trying to keep things going without the right hand farmer, my husband!).

My mom had been ready to come the second I’d called her about the accident more than 24 hours earlier.  But I’d been okay then.  Now the adrenaline had worn off, and I needed my mom.  I knew I couldn’t make it waiting through another surgery alone.

My mom only stayed a few short days.  She flew back home the same day that I got to take my husband home from the hospital.  But those 48 hours stand out in my mind as when our relationship changed.

Gone in an instant were the stresses of planning the wedding together.  Of no more account was the way we’d seen things differently during my courtship.  Forgotten were the countless emotionally-charged discussions we’d had through my teen years.

Suddenly I felt that now, in my mother’s eyes, I was not only an adult, but a wife.  We were relating on a new level.  And it was a good thing.

My mom was there for me: making phone calls or bringing me food when I didn’t want to leave my husband’s side.  But she respected our privacy and really just hung out in the waiting room most of the time.  She was there for me when I wanted her but didn’t try to push her presence on us.  Just knowing that she was there was enough.

That is precisely the theme of Mother-Daughter Duet: Getting to the Relationship You Want with Your Adult Daughter: learning the intricate balance of being a mom without mothering too much, letting her know you are there for her without threatening her independence, connecting in friendship on your common ground instead of focusing on the generational differences.  (Read on to find out how to win a copy for yourself or for your mom!)

When I agreed to review the book written by Cheri Fuller along with her daughter Ali Plum, I didn’t realize it was directed to moms.  I have two daughters—but at ages 6 months and 2 years, respectively, they aren’t exactly adult daughters.  So for me, reading Mother-Daughter Duet was more of a chance for reflection on my own relationship with my own mother.  And a time of considering the habits and traditions I want to establish with my little girls, who will be 21 before I know it.

The relationship of the mother-daughter authors looked much different from my relationship with my mom.  Ali and her dad both struggled with alcoholism and depression, Cheri with trying to fix everything and being co-dependent.  But what Mother-Daughter Duet so beautifully illustrates is that while every mother-daughter relationship will be different, each has the same themes: generational differences, the transition from childhood to adulthood, the “faith of our mothers” becoming a personal belief, the craving of respect (for everything from hairstyles to lifestyle choices), the need for letting go, the delight of mother-daughter friendship.

Ali summed it all up when she said to moms:

We need to trust that if you profess to be a believer, you will be a believer and not a worrier.  We want you to know that when you try to control what we believe, it pushes us away and your faith looks weak, even if we know God is strong.  (Mother-Daughter Duet, pg. 123)

That applies to more people than just moms.  And there’s plenty a daughter can learn from the book, as well.  Because even though Mom may have more maturity to set the tune, it takes two to sing a duet.

Official YLCF Giveaway Entry Rules:

• To enter the drawing for a copy of Mother-Daughter Duet, comment on this post to tell us one thing you appreciate about your relationship with your mom or your daughter—or both.
• Bonus entry to those who leave an additional comment on this post telling us one thing they have done to improve their relationship with their mom and/or daughter.
• Don’t forget to include your name and email address in the space provided on the comment form (your email address will not be published, but we need a way to contact you if you win!).
• This drawing open to readers with U.S. mailing addresses only, please.
• YLCF Team Members, their families, and recent YLCF giveaway winners ineligible for entry.
• Drawing ends at midnight, Thursday, March 11, 2010.
• Winner will be chosen randomly, notified by email, and announced in this post.
• Thanks to the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for providing this book for review and giveaway.
• Congratulations to Lisa for winning a copy of Mother-Daughter Duet in our giveaway!

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

My little family is pulling up our roots (my roots anyway) in California, loading up a moving van and driving a bit north and a bit east, eventually landing in a tiny Rocky Mountain town (my husband’s roots).

You may remember that my husband is a Marine–a job that requires extended periods of time in a combat zone. We’ve done the deployment thing before… and it’s time to start over. In about six weeks, my beloved will be heading to Afghanistan for 13 months. It will be long, and it will be hard, but we’ve experienced enough of God’s sufficient grace to know that we’ll get through it.

Which brings us to this move. We have about a week until we haul ourselves and all of our belongings into the mountains, where the boys and I will have the opportunity to be near John’s family for the next year and a half. I love the mountains, I love the snow (which we’ll have more often than not, living at over 10,000 ft. elevation!) and I love my parents-in-love. While I’m not at all looking forward to leaving the people and places we love here in California, when it comes to living in Colorado, I’m basically, in a word, thrilled.

But the moving part? The sea of cardboard boxes? The Everest of packing paper? Not so much.

Combined with John’s extremely long pre-deployment training hours and me still just as busy as ever caring for our little people, I was beginning to freak out get a bit overwhelmed.

Until the knock at my door last week that brought me a blessing. Two of them, actually. A pair of sweet fifteen year old girls with smiles on their faces and hearts eager to just… help.

They fed the boys lunch. They read books. They played with toys. They made cupcakes and let my three year old crack the eggs. They cleaned up messes and wiped hands and faces. They raced up and down the stairs, running for tape and permanent markers, blankies and stuffed Pooh Bears.

I packed boxes. I checked off a long list of phone calls. I wrote about ten urgent emails. I packed more boxes. I sorted through paperwork. I organized and threw out old craft supplies. I folded laundry. I packed MORE boxes.

We had long conversations about life and struggles during nap time. We packed up all the books from our last two bookshelves.  We stacked boxes and labeled them. They helped me figure out what to keep and what to toss. We did a lot of laughing.

I could have kept them for days.

These girls aren’t perfect. They didn’t step straight from a nineteenth century story book. They’re normal fifteen year old girls living in 2010, complete with texts messages ringing in every few minutes. They like to laugh and they deal with the same everyday issues every other young lady faces. I’d even guess they might not always be quite as eager to wipe faces and play with Legos in their own homes.

But they both have hearts that love Jesus and are quick to do whatever needed to be a blessing. They shared their hearts with me that day and I saw beauty and maturity in that glimpse. God is at work in these girls’ lives. They put themselves aside for a day in January and sweetly gave their time and energy to a busy mom of two little boys.

When I was a teenager, I made a trip to visit some friends in Texas, splitting my time between two sisters who were each married with active little ones and only lived a short distance apart. In preparing to head out there, my young self was anticipating being busy making meals and cleaning the house so these young moms would have some free time to spend with their children.

What I didn’t expect was the reality of mothers needing time to catch up with all the million and ten other things that never get done because they do spend most of their time playing and cuddling and feeding and changing and training their busy tiny people. While I did make a few meals and bake a couple desserts and do a bit of shopping and mop some floors and change several diapers, I spent the majority of my time playing and cuddling and feeding and changing the children. It freed the mothers to get caught up on other important things and feel a little more rested.

I consider myself very blessed to be surrounded by willing mother’s helpers. I’ve had several here in San Diego. When I get to Colorado, I know of two other young ladies who are just as sweet and just as eager to help (also YLCF readers, incidentally!).

But I know not every mother of little ones is in the same situation. Perhaps you know of one such mother. Maybe she’s busy and weary, waiting for a single young lady to step forward and offer a few hours of time so she can catch up. Perhaps she’s overwhelmed with a move or a new baby or a husband’s busy schedule–or maybe she would just like to take a nap or make dinner with two hands! She could be wishing, right now, that there was someone who could spend a few hours playing with her little ones and maybe vacuum the living room carpet.

And maybe you are just the girl for the job!

I’ve been given a gift with these various young women. Mothers, don’t afraid to accept help, and young women, don’t be afraid to offer it! Get out there and get helping!

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

But I doubt if there is much we wait for that compares to the days before a baby arrives. We wash the little clothes, prepare the crib, watch for every possible symptom of labor. The days drag on, and on, and oooooon.

Then they are born.

And that’s when someone pushes the fast-forward button.

I know every mother sits and tries her hardest to figure out the answer to this question, but can someone please tell me how we got from this sleepy little boy:

To this one:

…in the course of, like, one day?

It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

Two years old. That sounds so… big. There’s no way I can call him a baby anymore. He’s a little boy now.

I was looking through the pictures this morning of when Troy was born and marveling at how tiny he was. His little features, the blonde hair I was so surprised to see, the little fingers and toes. I reminisced about the days of learning to nurse him, and lazy mornings just playing in our jammies when he was just learning to giggle.

But then I realize with a start that as fast as these past two years have gone, I’m sure it’ll just snowball from here on out, time going faster and faster until these little boys are both grown.

It won’t be long until Troy is not just a little big boy, but a true big boy. When he’ll no longer say, “Luh loo, Mommy,” but, “Hey, love ya, Mom.” He’ll soon forget about Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and The Doodlebops and move on to movies with real people. Instead of spending ten minutes figuring out how to put a chunky puzzle piece in place, he’ll be needing help with multiplication tables and spelling tests. He’ll be done taking his little brown and white plastic doggie for walks and he’ll be spending hours playing Frontier Man in the backyard. He’ll read books on his own and draw his own pictures.

And then, I’ll turn to stir a pot on the stove, turn back around, and find a grown man standing in front of me. I pray he’ll be a man who loves Jesus and trusts Him for his salvation. A man who has harnessed his strong spirit into strength of character. Who will, in turn, raise up another generation of little ones and lead them to Jesus.

I know when this little guy is tall enough for me to rest my head on his shoulder, I’ll be thinking back to his sweet little smile and when he said, “Yes man!” instead of, “Yes ma’am!” I’m praying I don’t look back and regret spending too much unnecessary time at that stove or running errands or, most definitely, on the computer. That I have plenty of memories of books read, crafts and messes made, times of training, and lots of those great big smiles.

Going into my oldest’s third year of life, I’m realizing that what every parent has always said is only too true–time does indeed fly by. So I’m going to make the most of this next year with my little guys, cherishing every little second. Because there’s nothing I would rather do.

Originally written and published at Heart and Home on March 27, 2008

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

The question has been presented in various forms over the two years John and I have been married. I heard it again last weekend at the wedding we attended.

Before I answer, I ask myself, what do I do?

Thinking over my days I remember the many little things that fill them. Waking up while the morning is still crisp, snuggling with my husband and baby boy, eating breakfast of cereal with banana before John leaves for work, reading my Bible with Troy on my lap… doing dishes, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, mopping, ironing…. planning menus, making grocery lists, having dinner ready when John gets home from work… holding and loving my precious baby boy, kissing poor tiny fingers pinched in baby toys–which will soon be scraped knees and cut fingers, changing many diapers a day, looking into Troy’s sweet little eyes as he nurses… enjoying conversations in the evening, ranging from computer networking to Bible doctrines… watching Troy enjoy his bath, then rocking and singing him to sleep… listening to John read God’s Word and praying together before drifting off to sleep…

“What do I do?” I reply with a smile. “I am a domestic engineer.”

“Oh. Wow.” The eyebrows go up. “And… do you enjoy that?”

Again I smile, unsure if this friend of a cousin understands what I mean in using the little phrase my mom coined when I was a little girl. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

A friend stopped by yesterday. We haven’t seen much of each other lately due to many short trips both of us have made. This was the girl who, in our high school years, was envied by many of the teenage girls in our church. Perhaps because of her naturally tiny shape, stylish clothes, coquettish ways? I don’t really know why we girls think some of the silly things we do.

We had a bit of an awkward visit yesterday. I listened for the first hour while she talked about all of the excursions she and her single sister have been making… weekends at the beach, visiting friends around the state and country. She told me about the cosmetology school she enrolled in, the house she just bought. She laughed as she told me about all the many guys who are just “crazy about her.” She talked of the clothes she’s been buying and the brands she loves.

Then she paused, sat back, and looked at me. “So what have you been doing? What’s up with you?”

“Well,” I began. “Not much. We just got back from a wedding in Minnesota, and we’re finally done with all these trips! I’ve just been kinda recovering from that… you know, laundry and cleaning up and stuff.”

I was met with a blank stare. For a moment there, I felt exactly like I did at fifteen when this same friend, who has become a dear friend in more recent years and with whom I laugh about our high school years now, would talk to me only if she had to, since I far, far from “cool.”  She said nothing. Just looked at me, waiting for me to say something else.

I took a breath. “Aaaand, taking care of Troy…. and…. stuff like that.” I laughed. There really wasn’t much else to say!

A  little half smile and a shrug. “Oh.”

This was one of those rare moments when I feel that my life is monotonous… humdrum… a little, perhaps, boring? I wanted to crawl upstairs with Troy and hide in a corner. The blank look, the shrug, the half smile. I felt so… insignificant. I didn’t have any wild times to talk about, or guys to report on,  or new clothes to sport. I just had the rhythm of my little life, not too full, not too crazy.

She left shortly after that, and I sat down on the couch where my friend, whom I do love dearly, had been sitting. I pulled Troy near to nurse him and thought about the visit. My heart was full of many different emotions, for many different reasons, not all relating to that conversation. But I still felt a tiny bit bruised from the encounter, and was rather surprised at my own reaction.

Then I looked down into the eyes of my baby boy. He was gazing up at me with more trust and little baby love than I ever could have imagined. I ran my hand across his soft head and held his hand in mine. My eyes started welling up.

As I sat there, John arrived home for his lunch break. He came and sat with me while I still fed Troy, and we talked together about his morning at work, my visit, and a few other topics. He put his arm around me and said, “The house sure looks nice. I like coming home when you have the music playing and candles lit.” I smiled at him, happy he had noticed my cleaning efforts of earlier in the morning.

It was quiet for a minute, then John looked down at Troy, stroked his little foot and said, in his cutest little mushy voice, “Isn’t he just the cutest thing?”

As I sat there, contemplating the events of the first half of the day, I became overwhelmed at God’s goodness to me. He has indeed given me everything and so much more than I ever could have asked for. He blesses me each morning with new mercies, a husband’s love, a little baby blessing to love and nurture, and a home to keep for His glory. What more could I want? The day to day tasks of my life may not hold much significance in the sight of others, but I can go to bed each night knowing that my husband considers himself a blessed man, and we are raising our little man to love Jesus with all of his heart. These are the things–the occupation–I have been given, and by God’s grace, I want to be a good steward of them, so that in the end, I can stand before Him and be told, “Well done, good and faithful servant… He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much… In as much as you’ve done it unto the least of these. you’ve done it unto Me.”

Written August 2006

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

I saw one of John and Merritt just before John left and was struck by how little Merritt was then. Two months old… so tiny, especially when I compare that scrunchy-faced infant with the little guy who now eats real food and bear-crawls at lightning speed around the house.

I paused from clicking on pictures and looked ahead, my mind’s eye reaching forward years from now. I realized anew how short these years are with the little ones we’re given. How little time I actually have before they’re grown. In the craziness of our day-to-day here, it is so easy to lose sight of that and suddenly realize that a month has passed and I barely noticed.

They say that’s how it happens… you’re living life, you turn for an instant…

… and that squinty-eyed grin has become only a memory. That fourth tooth will have come in, fallen out, and an adult tooth will sit in it’s place.

It won’t be long before the high chairs will be packed away and they no longer get messy faces when they eat spaghetti.

The toddler who dunks his head in the water when he’s swimming and yet cries when we wash his hair won’t need floaties on his arms anymore or and will wash his own hair.

The baby who didn’t like the cool water of the pool on the first try will change his mind and will find kicking and splashing to provide endless fun.

I know they need to experience life… follow the path God has planned for them… grow up to be men who love and serve the God we’ve introduced them to.

I know that babying them and trying to keep them little will only hinder them. I don’t want to be a mother who holds them back from becoming who they are in Christ. I want to encourage them to grow and learn and be. I rejoice in those changes, day after day.

But I also don’t want to forget. There are so many little things that happen every day that are beyond precious. I don’t want those looks, actions, moments to become just a distant, faded memory.

Things like Troy’s love for giving Eskimo kisses…

Or Merritt’s sleepy eyed snuggle time after naps. Or piling into our bed every morning, giggling together while Troy talks about “ships sailing on the ceiling.”

The way Merritt opens his mouth WIDE to grin and how much he loves to “fly” through the air.

“Let’s be silly, Mommy! Okay, Mommy? Be silly!”

Don’t you sometimes (keeping that sometimes in mind, heh) wish there was a camera capturing every moment so we could look back at particular moments anytime we wished to? To keep the present from simply becoming the past and then fading into oblivion?

When I look at these pictures from a few years or even a few months ago, I have a hard time putting into perspective that the children I have right here, today are the same ones in those pictures. I hardly remember what they looked like when they were babies.

Tonight I decided I need to capture more of these moments in pictures.

It’s just speeding by way. too. fast.

Originally published at Heart and Home, July 2008.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

Having been induced for toxemia symptoms a little over two weeks before Ruth’s due date, I wasn’t sure what to expect, waiting for labor to start on its own. But it all went relatively quickly and smoothly (just not easily, as my husband was kind to clarify!), and earlier than expected. After a month of random, mild contractions, I awoke at 2 o’clock Sunday morning, with steadily intensifying contractions that came every five minutes (and it is impossible to sleep in those intervening minutes!). I waited until I’d watched the sunrise from our hammock outside (unfortunately not as relaxing as it sounds, when one is in labor!) before awakening my husband and calling my parents. They obviously started praying (again—I’d had false labor the previous Monday) that the baby wouldn’t arrive before they did, because labor slowed to a near standstill until the middle of the afternoon. Contractions came back in full force just about the time my family had finally been able to hit the road (I’m not sure how much of that was psychological and how much was supernatural!), and we were only at the hospital an hour and a half before Mary Kate was born at 7:43 p.m. My parents and younger sister and brother were there to hold her by the time she was just a few hours old. And when they brought Ruth Ann in the next morning, we had one very excited (though slightly overwhelmed) big sister!

Before we even got home from the hospital, my dad was breaking ground for our remodel project. Our little home now has more than one room! We are in the process of adding on two bedrooms—a project which Ruth has been incredibly excited about. Not only is she Chief Inspector, she’s her daddy’s biggest incentive to get it done: if he tells her he’s going to work on the wall when he gets home from work, she’s over peering at the wall an hour before he arrives, and takes him to it immediately upon his arrival. When they took off some of the siding to cut into the wall, I smiled at the sight which met my eyes: our house is still pink underneath! I told Merritt we might have to paint the house blue if we want any boys.

But oh how we love our girls. Sometimes I still feel rather in a daze—I’m the mommy of two little girls? Other times, it feels like I’ve been a mommy all my days. And every second of the day and night it’s Mommyness that occupies my time. Even when I sit down to blog in a few spare quiet moments, it’s about my girls I’m writing! But the most special hours of the day for us girls is when the most important person in this house comes home: the girls’ Daddy. It’s rare that Merritt and I can even hug each other without someone hugging our knees, but it’s a special, special season in life, and we wouldn’t trade it for anything.

We were delighted to have my family visiting for two weeks—during which time my dad was an amazing help on our remodel project, and my mom and sister did everything else around here! I’d been far from having all the baby things out and ready. But my mom has the gift of organization and soon had not only Mary’s clothes clean and organized, but Ruth’s clothes and toys as well! When my family left I had to remind myself that laundry doesn’t automatically wash itself, nor do meals usually just appear on the table, or dishes land in the dish drainer sparkling clean by themselves. But we miss them for more than just their help! It’s so neat to watch my parents as grandparents—they’re awfully proud. My 14-year-old sister Jessica just adores her nieces, and my 11-year-old brother will even wash his hands and put on a clean shirt to hold his new niece (Ruth is now attempting to whistle, too, thanks to Caleb’s influence). My big little brother Will is quite anxious to meet his new niece, as well—he’s going to have quite the collection of nieces when he gains three more (including twins two weeks older than Mary) by marriage come December. And of course, Merritt’s family is so glad to have another little person close-by—especially since, with all the John Deere attire our girls own, they are sure to learn to drive the tractor just like their Daddy does.

It’s been precious to watch Ruth with her sister. After a few days of the initial adjustments—including lots of hand motions where Ruth showed us she understood that the baby that was in Mommy’s tummy was now little sister Mary—she’s been the epitome of helpfulness and a doting big sister. It’s her job to get out a wipe every time I change Mary’s diaper (and I think it should be her job to potty train her sister, too, since she has been so accomplished in that area!). I frequently find her with her toy pink cell phone “taking pictures” of her sister sleeping in her cradle. And whenever Ruth climbs up on the couch and pats her lap, it’s a sure sign that the proud big sister’s arms are waiting to hold little sister again.

Mary Kate is the picture of her big sister Ruth Ann—and yet her own unique little person. We named Mary for two of her great grandmothers, Mary Louise Glaser and Mary Elizabeth Mann. (And though I can’t replicate the lilting Irish, whenever I say her name, in my mind it sounds just like they say “Mary Kate Danaher” in “The Quiet Man.”) While Ruth was born with dark hair and eyes, Mary was a redhead from the start, with lighter blue eyes–and not quite so laid back as big sister. We think Mary will take more after my coloring, while Ruth obviously has her daddy’s complexion (and smile).

Seeing how they look so alike and yet so different, it reminds me of how even though we have two girls, we don’t want to raise Mary to be a carbon copy of her big sister (as proud as we are of Ruth), nor of us her parents: we want each of them to grow up to be individual young women who love and serve the Lord. And what a sobering task! It helped me to re-read my posts about our goals and plans in raising Ruth, giving me hope on those first few sleepless nights, reminding me of things I wished I’d focused on more (like practicing sitting still for church), or of things I’d do differently (like teaching more sign language earlier, since so far Ruth has a repertoire of only a few words, despite understanding every word we say!).

But sitting here looking at my two girls, one just a month old, the other almost two years old, I am overwhelmed at the blessing and the responsibility God has given us. Sometimes, when both are crying, toys are strewn all over the floor, dinner is far from ready, and their daddy is due home any minute, I wonder how I’ll ever get the hang of managing it all—and training them meanwhile (as I catch myself telling my daughter to wait, while using a very impatient voice myself)! I remember Ashleigh telling me once, “there will come times when ‘I Need Thee Every Hour’ is your mommy-heart’s constant prayer”—though at that point of the day I’m thinking that it could also have something to do with needing more hours in my day, or maybe my night! But a glance at the poem my cousin Jennifer cross-stitched for me puts it all into perspective:

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait ‘til tomorrow,
For babies grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

I may be exhausted, overwhelmed, and have more to do than I have hours in my day and free hands to do it with, but when I’m being a mommy, time is of the essence, for what I’m doing has eternal significance.

If you were to come visit our home these days, chances are you’d see dust from our remodel settled on all the flat surfaces—but in the dust, you’d see little handprints. My laundry might not all be folded—there’s no way it all gets done on Mondays any more (there are at least two loads every other day, if not every day!). Hopefully the dishes would be done, though, because that is something that makes my husband feel cared for (so does having the house dusted and laundry done—but clean dishes are on the top of his list). My daughters might not be perfectly behaved while you were visiting our little home, but hopefully you’d see that they are learning and loved.

On the Sunday a week after Mary’s birth, the opening song at our church was “Great Is Thy Faithfulness”—a hymn which has in many ways become the theme for our lives, and was sung at our wedding. And upon seeing our little Mary Kate arrive for her first Sunday at church, the pianist changed the closing song to “Because He Lives”. My cheeks were wet with tears by the time we were through the verse about “how sweet to hold a newborn baby”. Two of my favorite hymns blended together to remind me of all that was true about life and parenting: it is because of God’s great faithfulness that these precious daughters of mine can face the uncertain days ahead. But in between, in these days of motherhood, Lord I need Thee every hour…

P.S. As I hold my two little girls, and remember how recently I was experiencing all the joy and fear and anticipation of being an expectant mom, my cousin Brian and his wife Jordyn are constantly on my heart and mind. They are facing so many obstacles as they continue to choose and pray for life for their first little one. Please join us in praying for a safe and healthy delivery for little Davis and his mommy: click here to read the story and progress report.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

Whether it is a friend in need of encouragement, a lonely neighbor without Christ, a phone call with someone who just needs to be prayer at that moment, a friend in tears at church, a young girl who needs to see a home where Jesus is the center… the opportunities are endless. And none of this is counting the most important daily ministry we have to our families–loving our husbands, raising our children to the glory of God.

This morning I read an old poem that I’ve been familiar with since I was a little girl. As a wife and mother now, it holds so much more meaning to me.

Isn’t There a Noble Task?

“There seems to be so little that I can do for Thee,
Isn’t there a noble task that You would have for me?
Something that the world may know I’m busy for my King;
Beside the dull and daily tasks that every new day brings?

For how can stacks of dishes and piles of dirty clothes,
Tackled and completed, ever tell Christ rose?
Or stories, mud and band-aids; read, cleaned up, applied,
Tell the world of Jesus, my Saviour, crucified?”

“Oh, busy, busy mother, your task is very great.
I’ve given you eternal souls to teach and educate.
Not in worldly wisdom, in fame or honor grand,
But how to love and serve My cause, and seek that better land.

For as you tackle homey tasks with children by your side,
You have the greatest privilege, within their hearts to hide
Bits of goodly treasures from My Holy Word,
Which many mighty men of faith first from their mothers heard.

Oh, busy, busy mother, I need you where you are.
Your task at hand is very great, you need not travel far.
Oh love and teach these little souls, and help them grow to be
Steadfast within the simple faith, to be of use to Me.”

-from Heart Throbs of Motherhood by Miriam Druist

written August 2006

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

Ruth reports that everyone is doing well—just a little low on sleep.  Ruth is very excited to be a big sister.  Mary Kate wants to eat all the time, but Ruth has a brand new baby doll from her grandpas that she gets to take care of while Mommy is feeding Mary Kate.  Ruth Ann is a big helper, but is glad that lots of family came to visit and help out, too—especially since her daddy and grandpa are building a new bedroom for her and Mary Kate!  Ruth and Kate’s mommy and daddy thank everyone for their prayers.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

Mondays are our “day off”—meaning our family-owned and operated produce and antique store is closed.  Usually, I try to do laundry on Mondays—but this last Monday we were making a produce delivery to Town, and a trip to Town with a capital T always ends up taking an entire day, no matter how hard we try—especially being that we only make it there about once a month.  So this week I did laundry on Tuesday—it dried quickly, the weather warming more each day this week!  Wednesday found Dad and Marlys at Farmer’s Market as always, while Ruth and I helped Merritt open the store for the day.  And that brings us to today, Thursday, July 16, 2009…

Between our big Buff Orpington rooster and the little person kicking inside me, I usually wake up frequently from about four on each morning.  This morning, though, Merritt and I had both managed to fall back asleep until nearly seven-thirty.  At which point we began our day like we try to every morning: whichever of us is most awake prays, then Merritt gets up to feed the chickens (the rooster’s crow having intensified since 4 a.m.) and move irrigation pipe, while I relish a few more moments in bed, wishing (as I squint, my glasses being far from the bedside) that I kept a large print Bible on hand for early mornings.

When Merritt makes it out of our one-room house and off to work without Ruth awakening, I either steal a few more moments of sleep, pull on a sweatshirt to go water my sunflowers and herbs, or sneak outside with my laptop in hand to try to check email and read the day’s blog posts.  (Lately our next-door wireless “fast internet connection” has been reaching nearly to our front door, which has made keeping up on my internet to-do list much easier!)  This morning I opted for the laptop, and nearly finished writing a post for ylcf.org.

The house quiet, Ru slept in until eight-thirty.  Our night owl needed it after yesterday!  The first thing she usually does upon getting up is to stumble bleary-eyed to her high chair.  No cuddling, no potty—nothing until she’s eaten.  This morning was no exception.  We shared banana and cold cereal for breakfast.  Then Ru snuggled with Pooh Bear while Mommy got ready for the day.  Just about then, Merritt got home from moving irrigation pipe, ready to grab a quick bite of breakfast and go open the store.  Poor Daddy, with a pregnant wife and a growing daughter he rarely has company for breakfast when he’s changing pipe each morning!

The big “to-do” on my list today was going to town (town with a small t) to get our church directories printed.  Somehow it always takes a while to get out the door with Ruth, and this morning was no exception.  I ran back in the house at least three times, to grab cheese sticks, some board books, and her blankie—none of which one can go to town without!  (She already had her pink toy cell phone in hand so she was good to go on that account—a girl’s got to be just like Mom, you know!)

First we had to go over to Papa and Nanna’s to get a box to mail a wedding present to newlywed friends (congratulations to Garret and Melinda—wish we could have been there!).  When we got there, my sister-in-law Marlys decided she’d join us in our trip to town.  While I packaged up the box, Ruth begged some fresh fruit smoothie off her “Auntie Mouse,” but got more on her shirt than in her mouth.  Such things disturb my perfectionist daughter in the extreme!  When we finally got out to the store, her daddy wanted to know what all the crying was about that he’d heard on the telephone a few minutes earlier!  We gave him goodbye kisses, convincing Ruth we’d come back to work at the store later that day (as much as she likes to press the pink “Total” button that makes the cash drawer come out, we needed to get to town—and she was missing a shirt!).  A quick stop at home to grab a clean shirt for Ru, and we were finally on our way.

In addition to the print shop, our list included two banks, the post office, the library, the glass shop to get screen for our new screen door, the week’s sale items at the grocery store (orange juice and shredded wheat—plus the weekly purchase of 2 gallons of whole milk!), and then biding our time at the thrift stores until the church directories were read to pick up.  It was easy to spend extra time in town today because it is the week of the annual sidewalk sale.  However, I must admit, that very fact made me kiss my husband a few extra times before we left, and drive a little more carefully.

It was just three years ago, this same week in July, that Marlys and I came into town on Thursday to sell baskets at the sidewalk sale.  While we were in GoodWill today I heard the fire siren go off, and I couldn’t help myself—I grabbed my phone to call my husband.  But then I saw it was twelve o’clock.  The fire siren always goes off at noon, Gretchen! Later in the afternoon, though, it went off again, and soon the ambulance drove past.  Marlys and I looked at each other, knowing exactly what the other was thinking.  Three years ago, we’d watched that same ambulance drive down the same main street headed the same direction.  And three years ago, it had been going to get my brand-new husband, Marlys’ brother, after a welding accident on the farm shattered his leg and burnt his arm.  “I just talked to Mom and Dad, Gretchen, don’t worry,” Marlys reassured me today.

But I called Merritt anyway.  Just to hear his voice.  Just to know he was okay.  Some memories are still too fresh to handle that much deja vu. My hubby reassured me he’d hardly moved from his chair behind the counter at the store.  And I told him all about the finds we were making.  While my heart was quieted in thankfulness that he was still okay.

Marlys had found a maternity shirt for me at GoodWill—not on the maternity rack where I was looking, of course!  She’d noticed the “Bundle of Joy” tag on a shirt stuck right in with the regular shirts, and it fit me perfectly (not to mention being 50% off for the sidewalk sale!).  Then Marly hit the jackpot at the yarn store, finding enough sale yarn to make a sweater (just the thing one wants on a ninety-degree day like today!) and I found leftover greeting cards for 50 cents each, giving me ample opportunity to replenish my dwindling supply of birthday cards.

Quite done with our shopping, with a very tired and hot little girl, not to mention feeling rather tired and warm ourselves, we called the print shop.  But when they said to come back at two, they meant 2 p.m. sharp!  So with fifteen more minutes to kill we stopped in at the other thrift store.  I found a hardcover first edition of Born Free which I’m quite sure is worth at least the dollar I paid for it!

Our church directories finally in hand, we took Marlys back to her house then stopped at the store to see Merritt.   Ruth hand-delivered the apple fritter we’d bought him (he’d told us to get lunch if we needed it—aren’t apple fritters lunch?).  But the girl must be farm-raised, because she much preferred cherries to the doughnut!

As is the case more often than not in the midst of summer, lunch was quite late.  And since longtime family friend and now next-door neighbor Katie usually cooks dinner for us Wednesdays and Fridays (our Farmer’s Market days), most welcome as her help is, it leaves us with few leftovers in the fridge on Thursday!  Ruth ate mashed potatoes and cheese and nibbled on an onion.  I ate mashed potatoes, cheese, and some thin slices of sweet onion on top of two sliced tomatoes fresh from the farm garden.  Merritt got home by three—Marlys having grabbed a quick bite and gone out to the store to give him a break.  I fried up some summer squash to go with his potatoes—no danger of ruining his appetite for dinner this afternoon!

Then it was nap time for everyone.  Or at least so we told Ruth!  In a one-room house, it is hard to convince a little person to go to sleep when everyone else is up!  As soon as she’d finally started breathing evenly (after some dancing around on the mattress just to settle down after that stressful day in town—plus some standing on tip-toes to spy on Dad and Mom!), Merritt and I snuck outside to put a new screen in the wooden screen door he’d found at an auction a couple months ago and had all painted (red to match the chicken coop and soon-to-be-painted front door) and ready to go.  Putting in screen is more stressful than one might think, but we finally got it done without it breaking!

Merritt went back to close the store for the day.  I watered my herb garden, having noticed my sage wilting despite the soaking rain three days previous.  Then a certain little girl woke up from her too-short, too-late nap in rather sad spirits.  Our daily “best-laid plans” of having the house picked up, dishes washed, and dinner on the table when Daddy gets home from work went quite awry today.  I’d planned a light, no-bake dinner considering the late lunch.  But after Ru clung to me, having to sit on the counter next to the sink while I washed eggs (they always lay in “hen’s dozens” of eleven instead of baker’s dozens of thirteen!) and dishes (Ru was far past her usual trick of grabbing my legs to turn me around to face her instead of the sink!), I got the chicken pieces cooked up in soy sauce in the skillet, then threw them in the freezer to cool…and we sat down and read Pooh books until Daddy got home.

I chopped up the fresh bok choy while listening to a speed-read version of Eloise Wilkin’s Poems to Read to the Very Young. Ru turns the pages so quickly you only get about two lines of each poem read before it’s on to the next! Saving aside a few pieces of chicken for Ruth, I tossed the bok choy and chicken with some sesame dressing, sesame seeds, salt, and pepper, and we sat down to dinner.

While I did dishes, Ruth “helped” Daddy hang the screen door. (She thought she should write on the door just like Daddy had when he was marking where to screw the handle on!) Then we all came inside to cool down a bit with a bowl of ice cream. Merritt read from Frog and Toad Together—having appropriately landed on the story of Frog and Toad eating melting ice cream cones! Tonight Ruth decided that sharing ours wasn’t enough—she got out her own bowl (now in the bottom drawer where she can reach them—the original idea being that she’d learn to help set the table, but it has turned more into a way to ask for food without talking!) and opened the silverware drawer in obvious need of a spoon. After her bite’s worth was gone, she brought her bowl back to us showing its empty state. After one more bite, she proceeded to swirl the spoon around in the bowl to get a bit more flavor on it, then licking it and swirling it again!

All sticky with ice cream, Ru and her rubber ducky took their nightly shower, which cooled them both off considerably (at least Ru—I rather guess the ducky was cooler before the shower started!). Then Merritt headed out to change the irrigation in the alfalfa fields once again—a twice daily ritual for most of the summer (pretty much whenever he’s not cutting or baling those same fields!) that takes anywhere from two to four hours out of the day, depending on how it goes. Now I’m hoping that my too-tired little girl, fortified with a sip of milk, another hug, and covered once again with her blankie, will settle down to sleep before her daddy gets home—otherwise bedtime will be stretched out even later once again.

And I’m spending my evenings like I spend most of them—watching the fields to catch a glimpse of my husband, waiting to see the lights of his vintage truck driving home. Sometimes it’s in the hammock, sometimes it’s in this lawn chair catching a bit of an internet connection, sometimes it’s from the window. But always I’m thanking God for another day…another day with the ones I love…another day here in our little once-pink house…

Tomorrow brings us to Friday, the day we prepare our CSA boxes for pickup, and another Farmer’s Market. I’m sure I’ll be helping Merritt at the store a good part of the day, while Ruth takes a nap at Nanna’s and helps Aunt Marlys bake bread for the CSA boxes. Saturdays are a bit slower because we’re not scattered in so many directions—but the store is usually busier than ever. Then comes Sunday, the day of rest—it’s fellowship with the believers at church and then a Sunday afternoon nap before we start it all over again on Monday…

The rest of the week…

• Monday at the Farm in the City by Lanier
• Tuesday in the Writing Life by Elisabeth
• Wednesday in North Idaho by Chantel
• Friday in Sunny Southern California by Ashleigh
• Saturday at Castleberry Farms by Jeannie
• A Peek into Your Day by YLCF Readers

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

The Pleasure of Purity – Few books contain a chapter with as much power to impact your perspective of marriage as Feminine Appeal.  Carolyn Mahaney packs the truths from all my favorite books on marriage into one chapter entitled “The Pleasure of Purity.”  But that doesn’t mean single ladies should skip it!  The chapter on purity has plenty to say on fleeing temptation—and that applies to everyone.  Plus, it will give you a beautiful vision of the way God designed marriage to be, so very different—and so much better—than what our culture promotes.  (Wives, look for a more in-depth review coming to the YLCF’s Just for Married Ladies blog.)

Our conquest of sin begins with a deliberate resolve to set our hearts and minds on things above.  As we contemplate what Christ has done for us, we will be compelled to pursue purity for His glory. (pg. 90)

The Honor of Working at Home – In a chapter which could cause many in today’s world to bristle, Carolyn deals biblically and honestly with the call to be busy working at home.  She is quick to point out that feminism has failed to deliver as promised—yes, it has done its job of undermining the role of a homemaker, but neither has it given women happiness or fulfillment in the work force (pg. 103).  Yet if you’ve ever paused to come up with some other answer to the question of your occupation than the happy declaration of “wife and mother”, then you know how many of us are still affected by the poison of feminist thought patterns.  But the management of our homes—under the guidance and support of our husbands—is designed to give us happiness and fulfillment!  Carolyn comes down strongly on the idea of “co-responsibility”, making it very clear that the man’s primary role is provider while the woman’s primary role is manager of the home.  Yet she also uses the woman of Proverbs 31 to illustrate that it is quite biblical for a woman to contribute to the household income.  I thought her exhortation to single women was especially applicable to many of the readers here at YLCF (as is Carolyn’s article at CBMW.org and this article from Boundless):

I can understand how easy it would be to make the school or the workplace the priority in your life.  Yet the call to make the home a priority extends to all women, no matter your season in life.  Even now you can discover ways to make your residence a home, cultivate the domestic arts, and prayerfully consider how to use your home for outreach and care to others. (pp. 104-105)

The Rewards of Kindness – Carolyn’s definition of kindness is “a sincere desire for our husbands’ and children’s happiness.”  And just as self-control (nor in fact any of the seven attributes of a godly woman) is not attainable in our own strength, kindness can not become a part of our lives if we do not rely fully upon the help of the Holy Spirit.  Highlighting the hindrances to kindness—anger, bitterness, and judging—Carolyn also provides the biblical solutions.  Being kind brings us a reputation for goodness: What are we known for?  How are we described by others?  Is it our kindness or our style of clothing which attracts more attention?

This reputation for goodness begins at home.  At the heart of our commission to do good is the well-being of our family members.  Our husbands and children should be the primary beneficiaries of our good works. (pg. 128)

The Beauty of Submission – In the final trait listed in Titus 2:3-5 we find the most debated: submission.  But again, Carolyn handles it with candid grace.  She clearly states that, “Scripture makes no allowance for male dominance or male superiority…  Neither is submission a position of inferiority or demeaning in its application” (pg, 137).  She also makes it clear that the submission is not to all men—or even any other man who might seem more worthy of honor or respect than our husband—no, our submission is to be only to our own husband, then to God.   And nothing is a more powerful commendation of the gospel to an unbelieving husband than a submissive wife.

If we embrace [God’s] plan for our lives and purpose to obey His commands, He will develop in us the beauty of submission.  He will enable us to trust Him to lead our husbands to lead us. (pg. 152)

And the preface to it all in Titus 2?  It’s a “call to action for the older women,” says Carolyn.  (Which is why the expanded version of Feminine Appeal includes study questions for groups large or small.)  Paul commands us: “Teach what is good, and so train the young women” (Titus 2:3b-4a).  And as we state in the YLCF values, every woman is an “older woman” to someone.  It is your responsibility, it is my responsibility.  Let’s not only teach what is good, let’s live it out in our day to day life, commending the Gospel for not just the world, but also our family, to see.

(Note to parents: “The Delight of Loving My Husband” is a fabulous chapter for readers of all ages.  The only chapter moms of younger teens may want to preview is “The Pleasure of Purity”—but even that is very tastefully written and includes issues that moms need to be discussing with their daughters as they reach the appropriate age.)

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

The world doesn’t judge us by our theology; the world judges us by our behavior.  People don’t necessarily want to know what we believe about the Bible.  They want to see if what we believe makes a difference in our lives. Our actions either bring honor to God or misrepresent His truth. (pg. 27)

How are women to commend God’s truth through their daily lives?  Paul lists seven areas in Titus 2:3-5, which Carolyn highlights in seven chapters.

The Delight of Loving My Husband – I found very thought-provoking Carolyn’s differentiation between how wives are commanded to phileo their husbands versus how men are commanded to agape their wives.  Phileo refers to a tender, affectionate “friendship” kind of love.  The very affection and friendship upon which a marriage thrives is that which, Carolyn points out, in our busy (agape) service to our husbands we often forget to give them!  Prizing him, cherishing him, enjoying him—these create a love that lasts.  Carolyn encourages wives to practice thinking tender thoughts of their husbands.  Do we spend the same amount of time now admiring his good qualities that we did before we were married?  If not, shame on us—for now we have even more opportunity to observe his admirable traits!  According to Carolyn, changing our thought patterns is a key for keeping the passion and excitement in marriage.

If we find that our affection for our husband is waning or has subsided altogether, then we do not need to look any further than our own hearts.  Where sin is present, warm affection dissipates.  Anger, bitterness, criticism, pride, selfishness, fear, laziness—all vigorously oppose tender love.  This love cannot survive in a heart that harbors sin. (pg. 38)

The Blessings of Loving My Children – Again, Carolyn points out how important the agape command is in the way we care for our children.  We spend our days attending to their every need—but are we enjoying them, delighting in those little moments that so quickly are gone?  Are we praying for them as we care for them?  This chapter was filled with so many “highlightable” sentences and convicting paragraphs—more truth is packed in those few pages than in the majority of the books on parenting filling the shelves of Christian book stores.  Carolyn does more than just remind us to have fun with our children, however—she shows the powerful potential a mother has to influence her children, reminding us of the highest aim of parenting:

Our goal is not that our children be happy, fulfilled, and successful.  Granted, we may desire these things for them.  But our highest objective should be that our children would repent from their sins, put their trust in Jesus Christ, and reflect the gospel to the world around them. (pp. 60-61)

The Safety of Self-Control – Eating, sleeping, thinking, and feeling—all to the glory of God?  Plenty of conviction in this chapter for each of us.  But Carolyn reminds us that we can do nothing through our own strength.  His strength is made perfect in our weakness—when we admit our total dependence upon Him.  And the only guaranteed way to develop self control, Carolyn says, is to meet daily with God:

When we meet with God, we can find peace in the midst of trying circumstances, an eternal perspective where we have lost sight of the truth, and power to fight our battle against sin…  We should eagerly and consistently respond to our Savior’s invitation to come and meet with Him. (pg. 78)

The Gospel has the power to change our lives.  Are we willing to be truly transformed by Titus 2?  Nothing will commend the Gospel more.

Watch for the rest of the Titus 2 traits in the conclusion of the review of my new favorite book—Feminine Appeal—soon.

(Note to parents: “The Delight of Loving My Husband” is a fabulous chapter for readers of all ages.  The only chapter moms of younger teens may want to preview is “The Pleasure of Purity”—but even that is very tastefully written and includes issues that moms need to be discussing with their daughters as they reach the appropriate age.)

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

I have been married for nearly 6 years now, and I love being married to my best friend. But I have to say, marriage is work, a continual working at that. When we got married, an older friend told us, “You won’t just float into a spiritual marriage.” And it’s so true. A strong, spiritual, healthy marriage takes the Lord working and changing and molding you individually and together all along the way. Conflicts come whenever you live this closely with another human being.

Is it worth every minute? Absolutely! Is marriage more wonderful than I ever imagined? Yes and then some.

The more you learn now, the better your marriage will be. So here’s a short list of ways you can prepare your heart to be the godly woman of his dreams:

Learn to trust in the Lord with your whole heart. The Lord is the one who will make your marriage great. I want to emphasize this point of trusting in Him because there will be times in your marriage where you and your husband won’t see eye to eye, and it will be hard for you to submit to his leadership. If you have learned to trust in the Lord for all things, it will make it easier to trust the Lord in and through your husband. You won’t have to strive or chafe–you can just trust in the Lord and be at rest, knowing Who is in control.

Learn to live selflessly, to serve. This kind of goes without saying, I suppose, but it is, in my mind, one of the keys to a wonderful marriage. Marriage, and particularly motherhood, require nothing, if not self-sacrifice. Much of our role as wife and mother is simply meeting the needs of those around you. I count it my sacred calling (and privilege, at that) to lay down my life for my husband and children. To invest in their lives. To make my husband great, and my children spiritual warriors for His kingdom. It is all too easy to fall into the trap of wanting to be married to satisfy our longings and our needs, which has the potential to lead to great disappointment. Be careful not to go into marriage with the desire or expectation to be served, rather than to serve. Real love is laying down our lives, and a truly great marriage is built upon (the Lord first and foremost, of course, but also) self sacrifice. Learn to lay down your life, to submit to others (particularly your parents), to invest in others now, to serve your parents, siblings, friends with the love of Christ, and marriage will be but a smooth transition.

Learn to invest your time wisely. In other words, learn to have and stick to priorities. Before I was married, I used to spend a lot of time online–hanging out on message boards, writing e-mails to friends, and chatting with people all over the country. I had plenty of time then, but hindsight is 20-20. I think back now and question what all that time really did for me. Quite honestly, as much as I enjoyed it, I wish I could go back and invest that time more wisely. Not only because there were far better ways that I could have been spending my time, but also because it formed habits for me that have been hard to break. My time isn’t as free these days with a household to manage and little ones to love and train, and yet I have to struggle against the lure of the online world to keep my priorities straight. I wish I had invested more into the relationships around me, in what really matters and counts for eternity–especially now that I live across the country from my family. Learn good habits now of temperance and putting priority on what really matters, and it won’t be as much of a challenge to take on and keep up with the responsibilities that come with a husband, children, and a household. This time before marriage is a very special time, a wonderful opportunity. Enjoy it. Make the most of it. Seek to serve others. Invest in what truly matters, and use every opportunity to prepare yourself to be the best wife and mother you can be. (And that doesn’t include daydreaming!)

Learn to use your money wisely. I wish I had done more of this as a single girl, when $4 lattes were a daily habit. In most cases, young couples starting out are on a very limited budget, if not downright poor. Learning to be frugal now, to save your money, to deny yourself that extra purchase, will be a great blessing to your husband and future budget! And even if your husband is blessed with a great job and you have a big budget to work within, you will still need the wisdom and grace to be good stewards of that money.

Rather than looking for a man, making your lists, and having all sorts of expectations for any potential suitor, focus your attention and prayers on being the girl that a godly man would want to pursue and marry.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother is a gem of a book.  The author, Carolyn Mahaney, is a pastor’s wife and mother of four.  After hearing her on the radio a time or two and liking everything I heard, I finally decided I really should find her book—which was written six years ago!  I’m only sorry I didn’t read it sooner, because now it numbers among my absolute favorites.

There were, of course, “the books I didn’t pack”—my stack of favorites I was reading right up until the days before my wedding.  I’ve always been a firm believer that how you think about marriage and what you read about marriage will have a great affect on your marriage.  And I know that the favorites I’ve collected have been largely responsible for the foundation of the very happy marriage we have thus far enjoyed.

Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands hits you right between the eyes, as only Dr. Laura can do.  The basic principles of her book are ones that have had a huge impact on the way I view marriage and men.  But not everyone likes Dr. Laura’s ultra-blunt style.

Created to Be His Helpmeet is chock-full of down-to-earth, practical, every-day application from Debi Pearl.  Her illustrations will be enough to change the way you treat your husband.  But the Pearl’s conservative stance and theological views are enough to prevent some from getting the good out of Created.

For Women Only paints a vivid picture of a man’s day-to-day battle with his eyes that can give women a whole new understanding of their man and his “visual Rolodex.”  Shaunti Feldhahn’s book is excellent, but it far from covers all the aspects of marriage.

Feminine Appeal has it all.  A no-apologies, hard-hitting biblical message—with no crass terms or theological landmines.  It’s a book I am going to recommend to every wife and mom, every older teen girl.  Even the chapter “The Pleasure of Purity” is written in such a tasteful style that it would be the perfect discussion starter for moms and teen daughters.  (Moms, I beg you, please give your daughters a vision for a happy, loving marriage—otherwise, this tabloid society will quickly fill the void!)

If you’ve read Feminine Appeal and want more—especially practical application for you wives—I still highly recommend Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Created to Be His Helpmeet, and For Women Only.  Each expands on some of the topics in the authors’ respectively unique ways.  Choose your favorite author of the three and check out her book.  (More detailed reviews of all three can be found at YLCF’s Just for Married Ladies blog.)  But in the meantime, be sure to read Feminine Appeal.

In my mind, Carolyn Mahaney’s book is the Let Me Be a Woman of this decade.  Not that Elisabeth Elliot’s book is out of date—in fact, Carolyn Mahaney frequently quotes Elisabeth as well as many other classic authors, which is one of my favorite elements of Feminine Appeal: all the fabulous quotations!  Read it!

(Watch for a review of Let Me Be a Woman coming soon—in addition to a more in-depth review of Feminine Appeal.)

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

I laughed.

I was beyond exhausted, more than glowing from the humidity I was unused to, and not feeling in the least bit cute.

“No,” I had to answer Fairlight honestly.  Sometimes, if you caught me at just the right moment, with just the perfect cute maternity top on, I explained, I might feel cute.  But more often than not, I was tired, hot, and feeling as though my clothes did not fit right (but when it’s the third outfit of the morning, if it at least goes on, one finally has to give up).

I’m seven months pregnant with our second little one now.  In between pregnancies I spent all my time looking at those cute pregnant ladies and feeling those maternal longings to have a little one growing there beneath my heart again.  Nowadays I again look at those pregnant ladies and feel an instant bond—the waddle, the exhausted but glowing look we all share.

But when my sister-in-law Megan asked, “Do you still like being pregnant?” my answer was a resounding yes.  As precious as it is to hold a nursing babe in your arms, there’s nothing quite like the constant tapping of baby feet inside your belly.  Ruth Ann wasn’t very many months old before I was already missing having my baby always with me, right there inside me.  My answer to Megan was easy: I love being pregnant.  Even if I don’t often feel like a cute pregnant lady.

The problem is, I don’t think being pregnant is any excuse for being more frumpy than usual.  Even if comfy is a valid necessity.  It seems to me a husband will soon be less inclined to want more children if he considers the fact that he will once again have to look at a fat, frumpy wife for nine months or more!  There may not be much I can do about the fat part (though I can do my best to keep the fat in all the right “pregnant” places!), but I can work on dressing as cute as possible just for him (and the other people like Fairlight and my non-pregnant self who think pregnant ladies look cuter than they feel!).  Not to mention getting as much rest as I can so I don’t always look as exhausted as I feel!

This second time around, my maternity wardrobe has continued to slowly expand (no pun intended!).  There seems to be slightly more selection out there this time around.  But even Wal-mart seems to have bought into the notion that fewer women are having babies these days and thus only about half a rack of maternity clothes is necessary.  Not that I’ve bought maternity clothes at Wal-mart.  But I’ve been close to that desperate.  J.C. Penney has seemed to have the nicest selection, quality, and the best sales on new maternity clothes.  But I did just finally find a few shirts at Motherhood Maternity with a style and price I liked (and why did it take me so long to discover their “tummy sleeve”?—it keeps my pants up and makes sure everything “meets in the middle”!).

Truth be told, as usual, GoodWill has been my favorite maternity store of choice.  It’s just taken an awfully long time to gather maternity clothes that fit me—and that I like to wear!  There seemed to be a trend there for a while of making maternity shirts as short as regular shirts, just wider.  Now they are longer, but just as tight as every other teen girl’s shirt—showing off every extra curve that pregnancy gives one!  But it’s finally dawned on me that it would be the rare store I could walk into, even with unlimited resources, and find an entire regular wardrobe in one day.  So how did I expect to collect a “specialty” wardrobe of maternity clothes so quickly?  It’s only taken 18 months (and those few shirts I bought in between pregnancies—shh, don’t tell!) to collect the repertoire I have now.  Especially since, not being very pregnant in the summertime with Ruth, I’ve discovered this time around that some of those maternity shirts I found at GoodWill that first summer were not long enough to cover a seven month baby belly!

So take heart, first-time expectant moms.  You will spend most of the next nine months trying on at least three outfits each day and complaining that nothing fits like it did last week. You most likely won’t feel like you have any selection in your maternity wardrobe until you’ve shopped through at least the second or third pregnancy.  But being a happily expectant mom—who everyone else thinks is so cute—more than makes up for the lack of outfits to choose from.  And never forget that it doesn’t matter what we look like to the rest of the world—our husband’s eyes, our husband’s taste in maternity clothes is all that matters.  After all, I am his beauty—the woman he chose to be the mother of his children.  And I never want to make him regret that for a single moment.

Oh, and that part about being barefoot and pregnant?  Not recommended.  All that extra tummy weighs heavy on the feet.  It’s a much happier thing to be pregnant with Birkenstocks on your feet!

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

I stopped him. “Why? Why are you sorry for asking for a snack? You’ve worked hard and you’re hungry?”

“I said I’m sorry because of the look on your face. You looked very sad when I asked you,” he confessed.

And that’s when it dawned on me. My little boy apologizes for me, not to me. My actions, the look on my face, my tone, made him feel like he had wronged me in some way.

Gulp.

Please take a moment to read the rest of the post here. You’ll be challenged and encouraged!

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

But more and more, I realize how much of myself I am seeing in her.  She learns by emulating me.  She gets excited beyond measure as Daddy’s homecoming approaches.  She needs measuring cups to “cook” with each time I get out a measuring cup.  She lines her recent Valentine cards up along the back of the couch just like my Hallmark cards from her daddy are lined up on the headboard of our bed.  She observed me rubbing her daddy’s sore leg and now does it of her own intiative.  I even mentioned to her that I was going to do the laundry, and before I knew it she was taking clothes out of the hamper for me.

Sometimes her actions catch me up short, however.  During a recent bout with a cold I was left with no voice.  To catch Ruth’s attention when she was being naughty I took to waving my hand back and forth and shaking my head “no.”  Suddenly she was using that as her own sign language for “no,” and now tells us “no” quite readily whether it’s “no, I’m not ready for bed” or “no, I don’t want milk”–by waving her hand back and forth, just like mommy did.

There’s nothing like having children to make one take a look in the mirror.  Am I always acting just like I want my daughter to?  Lord, give me wisdom…

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

Before I got married I found my own copies of My Good Morning Book and My Good Night Book at thrift stores (I knew my mother would never part with the ones she read to us).  When I got them out to introduce Ruth to Eloise Wilkin, they were a hit.  The stories came back to me instantly-and Merritt already has them memorized, as well, since the books are constantly plopped in our lap with a rather emphatic sign for “please.”  Ruth likes to have them read to her over, and over, and over.  And on the page of the Good Night Book where it says, “Daddy reads me a bedtime story.  He lets me turn the pages for him,” Ru quickly took her cue and started turning the pages.  She finds the teddy bear on each and every page and waves goodnight to the little girl on the last page (unless she’s not ready to go night night, in which case she skips that page!).

I found a board book version of Poems to Read to the Very Young on Paperback Swap.  Ruth thinks most of the poems are a bit too long to read in one sitting, but I think she likes the pictures as much as I do-and as much as her grandmother who introduced me to them when I was her age!  Ruth’s latest favorite illustrated by Eloise Wilkin is The New Baby. (Which has as much to do with the subject matter and pictures as it does with the fact that it has real paper pages.)

If you have yet to discover the fun of Wilkin’s illustrations, her Little Golden Book collection is the easiest place to start.  Poems to Read to the Very Young has been reprinted and is easy to find in board book edition.  (And if you’re already a Wilkin fan, then look up the other childhood illustrator I’m particularly fond of-Gyo Fujikawa’s illustrations are quite different, yet delightful!  Check out her book Babies, for example…)

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

-Lanier Ivester, from “I am a Stay-at-Home Wife” on Ladies Against Feminism, 2004

“I believe the best mom of all is the one who loves her husband and gives her children the security of living within the protection of a rock-solid marriage, a marriage that exemplifies and models for them what God intended.”
-Sharon Jaynes, in Becoming the Woman of His Dreams,
quoted in “First and Foremost Wife or Mom?” on ylcf.org, 2007

“Thank God, O women for the quietude of your home, and that you are queen in it. Men come at eventide to the home; but all day long you are there, beautifying it, sanctifying it, adorning it, blessing it. Better be there than wear a queen’s coronet. Better be there than carry the purse of a princess. It may be a very humble home. There may be no carpet on the floor. There may be no pictures on the wall. There may be no silks in the wardrobe; but, by your faith in God, and your cheerful demeanor, you may garniture that place with more splendor than the upholsterer’s hand ever kindled.”
-T. DeWitt Talmage

“…this is an unbelievable responsibility God has given us. He has entrusted to us His little person and expects us to be good stewards with what He’s given us, not only in caring for him physically, but spiritually–leading him to Jesus. The enormity of it frightens me. It reminds me of how desperate I am for the strength of the Lord in this life long endeavor. In giving us this baby, God has given us the greatest means of drawing us closer to Himself. We see now, more than ever, how weak we are and how great God is. My baby… my blessing… It is all summed up when I hear his tiny little voice learning to mouth the word I’ve longed to hear. ‘Mama.’”
-Ashleigh, from “Mama” on ylcf.org, 2006

More Mother’s Day reading…

• A Christian Wife – quotations from Augusta J. Evans
• Being Mommy – by Chantel Harding
• Empty Arms – poem by Chantel Harding

first two photos by Gretchen Acheson, third photo by Bethany Tiss

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

The underlying theme is loving my husband and training my daughter.  (Hot Rod was just to throw you off.  I only read that over my hubby’s shoulder when I’m really too tired to read.)  I’ve read a lot of books on marriage, but Cindy Easley’s is a new favorite (read my review here).  I was raised with the Ezzo’s parenting principles–obey right away, and with the right attitude.  You’ll find me raising my daughter with many of the same.  It’s just a tad too controversial these days to say I like the Ezzos.  But I’m finding the same biblical principles in Don’t Make Me Count to Three (even if the title kept me from buying it for several months, before I heard an interview with the author on FamilyLife Today).  Ginger Plowman quotes extensively from Tedd Tripp (Shepherding Your Child’s Heart).  And she trains her kids to say “yes, ma’am” (gotta love parenting authors from the South).

Mrs. Plowman’s entire premise in Don’t Make Me Count to Three is that you don’t just want your children to act like a Christian, you want them to think like a Christian.  You want God’s principles written on their hearts.  Not just in their heads.  You want them to know how to tell the difference between right or wrong, whether or not you’re there, whether or not you’ll find out.  You want to train them to glorify God–not just their “godly” parents.

That topic is one that has been much discussed in our home of late: whom should our children serve?  According to some, we should be raising our little girl to serve her daddy, do his projects, be his right hand girl and secretary–in a phrase ”fulfilling her father’s vision” until her husband comes along.  I take offense at that, because I am his wife, and that is my job.  I’m rather jealous of that task, even when it comes to my daughter.

Of course I want her to be her daddy’s little helper in everything from feeding the chickens to driving the tractor.  Just like I helped my daddy haul firewood and hunt deer.  I want my little girl to bake her daddy dozens upon dozens of cookies, and learn how to keep the house neat and tidy just as he likes it.  I hope she will learn these things by my example.  I want her to see in me the kind of wife she wants to be to her husband someday.  But I also want her to see that her daddy is my first priority.  I am his wife first, even before I am her mother.  And I know that even though she probably won’t always screech in delight when she sees us kiss, it will always make her feel safe and secure to know that her parents love each other.

And I don’t have to worry that she will adore her daddy.  He is already the highlight of her day.  She has him wrapped around her little finger.  Yes, he “has her heart.”  She will always be her daddy’s little girl.  But her daddy knows that her heart is not his to keep.  He prays that she will learn to love Jesus.  I pray for the boy who will someday come and win her heart, while her daddy talks about getting out his shotgun and cleaning it, just so it’s ready.  But even then, as much as she may still be under our physical care and protection, and I pray her daddy will be there to walk her down the aisle while I proudly watch: she is not ours to give.  She is God’s.  And it is His Word she must obey, Him I pray she will love to serve.

We will be the first to argue the value of the home and family.  We believe wholeheartedly in the benefits of homeschooling.  We know my job as a homemaker is so much more important for me to do than any other work here on the farm.  We believe firmly that God sets us in families for a reason.  We are so very grateful for the families we were raised in, the parents God gave us.  The older we get, the more thankful we become for our heritage, our upbringing.  We know God gives wisdom to parents, wisdom that comes from years and maturity, wisdom that comes from them knowing His Word.  However, we will not be bringing our daughter up in the wisdom and admonition of her parents: with His help, we will train her in the wisdom and ways of the Lord.

Because we also know that no family is perfect.  No parent infallible.  No man-made rule our salvation.  If we place our hope in one Christian leader’s philosophy, the homeschool movement, or even the home itself, that will ultimately fail us.  Only God and His standards stand the test of time and generations.

Our pastor, Dan Work, shared a story from his early years of ministry that seemed to sum it all up.  In his first meeting with the head elder of the new church, the elder told Pastor, “If it weren’t for me, this church would not be on the straight and narrow.  When I’m gone they’ll ‘go to h-ll in a handbasket’.”  Pastor looked him in the eyes and said, “Then you have miserably failed.”

And if we don’t raise our little girl to serve the Lord rather than us, if we don’t raise her to be an adult who can make decisions dictated by her own conscience and relationship with the Lord, we, too, will have miserably failed.  Lord, give us wisdom…

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

It seems I’ve always had a place set aside in my heart as my own “special place.” Always someplace I loved, one I could simply think of and be calmed. A spot I thought would always be there if I needed somewhere to go, if life became difficult. Even if I never really did it, never really flew away to that special place during a hard time, I knew it was there. Waiting. Ready. A refuge from whatever troubles I faced, mountainous or mundane.

When I was a little girl, that place was my Grandma’s house. As an adult, I know now that life in her home wasn’t always as perfectly peaceful as I perceived in my childish mind, but to me, everything became better in that house. We’d sing songs, play with the family dog, and eat the rare treat of peanut butter ‘n’ jelly served on Wonder bread with a soft, thick white paper towel. When I was a teenager, that place became my Grammie’s house in Alabama. It always seemed our trips to the South were perfectly timed to coincide with my most drama-filled teenage moments, and just being in that green, beautiful, slower-paced world always cleared my mind. Last summer, it was Colorado. My in-laws sweetly cared for the boys and I while John was in Iraq, in their beautiful mountain home, smoothing a balm on my weary heart. Now, I’d think I’ll add Gretchen’s home in Washington to that list of places that soothe and calm me. I could have just had John and the boys pack up and head up to that farm land, stayed there forever and been happy.

The reality is that I can’t be in any or all of those places all the time. I live here, now, day-to-day, and life isn’t always idealistic. It’s real, it’s normal, and any rough patches must be dealt with as they come, right alongside everything else.

But sometimes, in the quietness of the morning, my Father gives me a respite, there in the midst of it all.

Monday, March 23, 2009
7:10 AM

Troy is sleeping late today~he was up much of the night. I’d still be asleep too if I didn’t have another tiny little boy up, wanting snuggles and breakfast! So here he sits beside me, munching on Cheerios in his high chair, giggling and babbling. I sit, with coffee in hand, smiling back at him through sleepy mama eyes. Also, with Bible and journal open on the table, flowers clipped from the yard water-bathing in a thin vase, soft piano music over the stereo speakers.

Idealistic, yes, but it is real.

So is the hard stuff, but for now, the sweetness and quietness is real. A refuge from the craziness. A “filling up” done by You, Lord. Before I meet the day.

The day has continued and has, of course, proved itself just another normal day. One filled with good things, rough moments, training, coloring, meal-fixing, block tower building, diaper changing, husband-texting, phone calling, a mama who is not-so-good-feeling, laundry doing, toy cleaning. Next on the agenda is book reading, nap taking, exercising, dinner making.

Oh, wait, that would all come after the moment of needful discipline that just arose. Pardon me while I take advantage of that “filling up” from this morning to confront hitting, lying and disobeying.

A refuge doesn’t necessarily take away that which we’re escaping, it gives us a safe haven to rest and prepare, all while guarded and fought for by One stronger than we.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.