We often speak of things such as being a wife or mother as God’s calling. “This is my highest and noblest calling,” we might declare. I beg to differ. God’s calling to a life is the thing that will never, under any circumstance, change in that life. Throughout scripture we see His call of salvation, His call into service to Him, His call to righteousness. These are universal to all believers. But we don’t find Him calling people into motherhood, the medical field, a teaching career.  He does, however, put us in specific seasons in which we, individually, can fulfill those basic callings of service, of righteousness, of  love for others, of showing forth His salvation. We are called to be filled with Jesus and be wholly His own.

Marriage and motherhood are amazing blessings to be highly exalted and revered. They are high and noble seasons He gives to some of us, and when we’re in them (which, for marriage, is until death or circumstances beyond the Christian’s control separates the two) they are our highest priority, most certainly, and should be the thing into which we pour our whole selves for the glory of God. But to say marriage and motherhood (which, obviously, typically go hand in hand in our young dreams for the future) are the highest calling for a woman is to say that the woman who doesn’t ever marry or who isn’t able to conceive has somehow missed God’s original plan for her life. Both wifehood and motherhood are noble, if that’s the way God shows Himself through you, but they don’t at all lessen the height and nobility of the season in which He sets another one of us–perhaps the one to whom He’s given the season and priority of being on the mission field, obtaining a Master’s degree, serving as a nurse to people who need care, writing books and speaking to young women, teaching children, or any number of things God’s given the ability to do.

I’d not be so self-confident as to proclaim it easy to find the balance between preparing for what becomes the main occupation for the majority of young women at some point in their lives and not allowing it to become the sole focus. Nor would I say that I, as one who married young myself, have the answers for singlehood. Most noteable, I must be honest and say that I entered my own marriage yet holding some of the views I’m currently refuting. But I do know that even for me, as a wife and mother right now, God is showing me the truth of His calling on my life to follow Him wherever He leads being encompassed in the current priorities He’s given me of husband and children. But for single girls, their priorities are completely different. Even for some who are married, these eventually change. Spouses outlive each other, children grow and have families of their own. We’ve all heard the saying, “Nothing is unchangeable but change itself.” God’s ways are so much higher and more complete than ours–none of us knows what tomorrow holds. There are no guarantees–at all–outside of our unchanging Savior. Limiting a life to a man-made plan for the single years completely negates God Himself and His wisdom that reaches far above our own.

Never in the Bible do we read of women, single or married, spending idle days waiting for Prince Charming to arrive at their doorstep. Think of Rebekah, Ruth, Deborah, Esther, Anna, Lois, and so many others. Every woman mentioned, single or married, is found working, serving the Lord in industrious pursuits suitable to her season in life.

We can’t expect God to bless our efforts when they are ones of idly waiting or of simply taking matters into our own hands because we think we know what will make us happy. The true calling of active service on the path He sets before us is a command that extends beyond the boundaries and context of marriage and motherhood.  Single and married women alike need not be afraid of following God’s calling for them, individually–realizing that fulfilling His purpose for their lives is the only end goal worth pursuing and is something that can be accomplished now by living fully and vitally for Him, wherever that path leads… even if that path looks differently than we expect or desire it or even completely different from all of our friends.

Cooking is good. Cleaning, decorating and caring for a home are valuable skills. Children are a wonderful gift from our Father. Marriage is… wow. Learning more about all of these things is helpful (though there is a time to perfect and refine those skills, and it’s usually when they are actually your own priorities).

But also admirable is the unmarried girl who is teaching a room full of eager young minds who need guidance. Or trekking through a third world country and telling natives of a Savior who loves them enough to die for them. Perhaps it’s writing a dissertation. Answering phones and filing paperwork in an office building. Speaking to young women about pursuing Jesus. Traveling around the country and world as a photographer for missions trips and organizations. Meeting a word count goal for the book you’re writing. Serving teens and families at a Christian camp. Leading kayaking tours down a raging river. Being a chef in a fancy restaurant.

Go. Do. Follow Jesus. Be Busy. Embrace your true highest calling.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

But marriage is not the end goal of life.

Knowing personally and loving wholly the precious Savior IS the first and foremost goal of life. While such things as marriage and motherhood are, for many, the outworking of this goal, marriage in and of itself doesn’t make a life complete. It doesn’t signal the beginning of “real life.” It is simply a way God has ordained for some–I’d even venture to say most, but certainly not all–to better glorify Himself. Personal fulfillment, joy and happiness aren’t obtained solely through the finding of a life partner. If this is the only thing one is hoping for, waiting idly for, or even preparing solely for, something is severely wrong. Nowhere in scripture does God command or even suggest that marriage is the “IT” thing in the life of anyone–not even young women. In fact, the verses speaking specifically to unmarried women say the opposite–single women should be concerned wholly and completely with learning of, loving and serving their Heavenly Father, not waiting expectantly for life to truly begin with the appearance of Prince Charming.

It seems there is a rash among Christian young women to see their lives as being in a holding pattern until they get married. I know many–far too many–young ladies who prepare in every way and form they can think of, expecting to get married right after high school, because, well, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Some of us grow up often thinking that all we want to do in life is be a wife and mother… so why think of or plan for anything else? We do a good thing in learning basic and sometimes advanced housekeeping skills as we get older, and often, for Christian young women raised (rightly so) to revere and respect the position of wife and mother, this is the thing into which we pour our whole selves while we wait.

Sometimes, though, the waiting is longer than we thought it would be when we were 16. We reach the end of high school and our knight in shining armour hasn’t yet arrived on his white steed, so we wait another year or so, knowing he’ll drop from the sky soon… right? Two years pass… and three… and five… and… before you know it,  some have been single for much longer than they expected. They’ve been waiting at home doing everything they can to prepare for marriage–learning to cook, care for children, keep a home. They far surpass the basic housekeeping skills and have become a homemaker any young man would be blessed to have loving him and keeping his home. But some of them are beginning to wonder–what do I do with these single years as a whole? Have I possibly spent these past years waiting for something never meant to complete me in the first place?

We think we’re living for the Lord by preparing for marriage and marriage alone and might even feel a bit puffed up about our “holy focus” instead of doing the so-called “worldly” thing of pursuing a busy life of college, missions, service or anything that doesn’t center on preparation for marriage. We don’t realize we’re actually guilty of doing the very thing we’re accusing the rest of the “world” of doing. We’re living for our own pleasure–we believe we know what will make us happiest and most fulfilled in this life and so, as with someone wishing to enter any other field, we pursue nothing else. Is it worth considering that in some of these situations, perhaps we’re actually being blinded by our own desires? Are our own preconceived notions keeping us from what God actually has for us for this particular season?

Stay tuned for Part Two…

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

The Pleasure of Purity – Few books contain a chapter with as much power to impact your perspective of marriage as Feminine Appeal.  Carolyn Mahaney packs the truths from all my favorite books on marriage into one chapter entitled “The Pleasure of Purity.”  But that doesn’t mean single ladies should skip it!  The chapter on purity has plenty to say on fleeing temptation—and that applies to everyone.  Plus, it will give you a beautiful vision of the way God designed marriage to be, so very different—and so much better—than what our culture promotes.  (Wives, look for a more in-depth review coming to the YLCF’s Just for Married Ladies blog.)

Our conquest of sin begins with a deliberate resolve to set our hearts and minds on things above.  As we contemplate what Christ has done for us, we will be compelled to pursue purity for His glory. (pg. 90)

The Honor of Working at Home – In a chapter which could cause many in today’s world to bristle, Carolyn deals biblically and honestly with the call to be busy working at home.  She is quick to point out that feminism has failed to deliver as promised—yes, it has done its job of undermining the role of a homemaker, but neither has it given women happiness or fulfillment in the work force (pg. 103).  Yet if you’ve ever paused to come up with some other answer to the question of your occupation than the happy declaration of “wife and mother”, then you know how many of us are still affected by the poison of feminist thought patterns.  But the management of our homes—under the guidance and support of our husbands—is designed to give us happiness and fulfillment!  Carolyn comes down strongly on the idea of “co-responsibility”, making it very clear that the man’s primary role is provider while the woman’s primary role is manager of the home.  Yet she also uses the woman of Proverbs 31 to illustrate that it is quite biblical for a woman to contribute to the household income.  I thought her exhortation to single women was especially applicable to many of the readers here at YLCF (as is Carolyn’s article at CBMW.org and this article from Boundless):

I can understand how easy it would be to make the school or the workplace the priority in your life.  Yet the call to make the home a priority extends to all women, no matter your season in life.  Even now you can discover ways to make your residence a home, cultivate the domestic arts, and prayerfully consider how to use your home for outreach and care to others. (pp. 104-105)

The Rewards of Kindness – Carolyn’s definition of kindness is “a sincere desire for our husbands’ and children’s happiness.”  And just as self-control (nor in fact any of the seven attributes of a godly woman) is not attainable in our own strength, kindness can not become a part of our lives if we do not rely fully upon the help of the Holy Spirit.  Highlighting the hindrances to kindness—anger, bitterness, and judging—Carolyn also provides the biblical solutions.  Being kind brings us a reputation for goodness: What are we known for?  How are we described by others?  Is it our kindness or our style of clothing which attracts more attention?

This reputation for goodness begins at home.  At the heart of our commission to do good is the well-being of our family members.  Our husbands and children should be the primary beneficiaries of our good works. (pg. 128)

The Beauty of Submission – In the final trait listed in Titus 2:3-5 we find the most debated: submission.  But again, Carolyn handles it with candid grace.  She clearly states that, “Scripture makes no allowance for male dominance or male superiority…  Neither is submission a position of inferiority or demeaning in its application” (pg, 137).  She also makes it clear that the submission is not to all men—or even any other man who might seem more worthy of honor or respect than our husband—no, our submission is to be only to our own husband, then to God.   And nothing is a more powerful commendation of the gospel to an unbelieving husband than a submissive wife.

If we embrace [God’s] plan for our lives and purpose to obey His commands, He will develop in us the beauty of submission.  He will enable us to trust Him to lead our husbands to lead us. (pg. 152)

And the preface to it all in Titus 2?  It’s a “call to action for the older women,” says Carolyn.  (Which is why the expanded version of Feminine Appeal includes study questions for groups large or small.)  Paul commands us: “Teach what is good, and so train the young women” (Titus 2:3b-4a).  And as we state in the YLCF values, every woman is an “older woman” to someone.  It is your responsibility, it is my responsibility.  Let’s not only teach what is good, let’s live it out in our day to day life, commending the Gospel for not just the world, but also our family, to see.

(Note to parents: “The Delight of Loving My Husband” is a fabulous chapter for readers of all ages.  The only chapter moms of younger teens may want to preview is “The Pleasure of Purity”—but even that is very tastefully written and includes issues that moms need to be discussing with their daughters as they reach the appropriate age.)

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

The world doesn’t judge us by our theology; the world judges us by our behavior.  People don’t necessarily want to know what we believe about the Bible.  They want to see if what we believe makes a difference in our lives. Our actions either bring honor to God or misrepresent His truth. (pg. 27)

How are women to commend God’s truth through their daily lives?  Paul lists seven areas in Titus 2:3-5, which Carolyn highlights in seven chapters.

The Delight of Loving My Husband – I found very thought-provoking Carolyn’s differentiation between how wives are commanded to phileo their husbands versus how men are commanded to agape their wives.  Phileo refers to a tender, affectionate “friendship” kind of love.  The very affection and friendship upon which a marriage thrives is that which, Carolyn points out, in our busy (agape) service to our husbands we often forget to give them!  Prizing him, cherishing him, enjoying him—these create a love that lasts.  Carolyn encourages wives to practice thinking tender thoughts of their husbands.  Do we spend the same amount of time now admiring his good qualities that we did before we were married?  If not, shame on us—for now we have even more opportunity to observe his admirable traits!  According to Carolyn, changing our thought patterns is a key for keeping the passion and excitement in marriage.

If we find that our affection for our husband is waning or has subsided altogether, then we do not need to look any further than our own hearts.  Where sin is present, warm affection dissipates.  Anger, bitterness, criticism, pride, selfishness, fear, laziness—all vigorously oppose tender love.  This love cannot survive in a heart that harbors sin. (pg. 38)

The Blessings of Loving My Children – Again, Carolyn points out how important the agape command is in the way we care for our children.  We spend our days attending to their every need—but are we enjoying them, delighting in those little moments that so quickly are gone?  Are we praying for them as we care for them?  This chapter was filled with so many “highlightable” sentences and convicting paragraphs—more truth is packed in those few pages than in the majority of the books on parenting filling the shelves of Christian book stores.  Carolyn does more than just remind us to have fun with our children, however—she shows the powerful potential a mother has to influence her children, reminding us of the highest aim of parenting:

Our goal is not that our children be happy, fulfilled, and successful.  Granted, we may desire these things for them.  But our highest objective should be that our children would repent from their sins, put their trust in Jesus Christ, and reflect the gospel to the world around them. (pp. 60-61)

The Safety of Self-Control – Eating, sleeping, thinking, and feeling—all to the glory of God?  Plenty of conviction in this chapter for each of us.  But Carolyn reminds us that we can do nothing through our own strength.  His strength is made perfect in our weakness—when we admit our total dependence upon Him.  And the only guaranteed way to develop self control, Carolyn says, is to meet daily with God:

When we meet with God, we can find peace in the midst of trying circumstances, an eternal perspective where we have lost sight of the truth, and power to fight our battle against sin…  We should eagerly and consistently respond to our Savior’s invitation to come and meet with Him. (pg. 78)

The Gospel has the power to change our lives.  Are we willing to be truly transformed by Titus 2?  Nothing will commend the Gospel more.

Watch for the rest of the Titus 2 traits in the conclusion of the review of my new favorite book—Feminine Appeal—soon.

(Note to parents: “The Delight of Loving My Husband” is a fabulous chapter for readers of all ages.  The only chapter moms of younger teens may want to preview is “The Pleasure of Purity”—but even that is very tastefully written and includes issues that moms need to be discussing with their daughters as they reach the appropriate age.)

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother is a gem of a book.  The author, Carolyn Mahaney, is a pastor’s wife and mother of four.  After hearing her on the radio a time or two and liking everything I heard, I finally decided I really should find her book—which was written six years ago!  I’m only sorry I didn’t read it sooner, because now it numbers among my absolute favorites.

There were, of course, “the books I didn’t pack”—my stack of favorites I was reading right up until the days before my wedding.  I’ve always been a firm believer that how you think about marriage and what you read about marriage will have a great affect on your marriage.  And I know that the favorites I’ve collected have been largely responsible for the foundation of the very happy marriage we have thus far enjoyed.

Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands hits you right between the eyes, as only Dr. Laura can do.  The basic principles of her book are ones that have had a huge impact on the way I view marriage and men.  But not everyone likes Dr. Laura’s ultra-blunt style.

Created to Be His Helpmeet is chock-full of down-to-earth, practical, every-day application from Debi Pearl.  Her illustrations will be enough to change the way you treat your husband.  But the Pearl’s conservative stance and theological views are enough to prevent some from getting the good out of Created.

For Women Only paints a vivid picture of a man’s day-to-day battle with his eyes that can give women a whole new understanding of their man and his “visual Rolodex.”  Shaunti Feldhahn’s book is excellent, but it far from covers all the aspects of marriage.

Feminine Appeal has it all.  A no-apologies, hard-hitting biblical message—with no crass terms or theological landmines.  It’s a book I am going to recommend to every wife and mom, every older teen girl.  Even the chapter “The Pleasure of Purity” is written in such a tasteful style that it would be the perfect discussion starter for moms and teen daughters.  (Moms, I beg you, please give your daughters a vision for a happy, loving marriage—otherwise, this tabloid society will quickly fill the void!)

If you’ve read Feminine Appeal and want more—especially practical application for you wives—I still highly recommend Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Created to Be His Helpmeet, and For Women Only.  Each expands on some of the topics in the authors’ respectively unique ways.  Choose your favorite author of the three and check out her book.  (More detailed reviews of all three can be found at YLCF’s Just for Married Ladies blog.)  But in the meantime, be sure to read Feminine Appeal.

In my mind, Carolyn Mahaney’s book is the Let Me Be a Woman of this decade.  Not that Elisabeth Elliot’s book is out of date—in fact, Carolyn Mahaney frequently quotes Elisabeth as well as many other classic authors, which is one of my favorite elements of Feminine Appeal: all the fabulous quotations!  Read it!

(Watch for a review of Let Me Be a Woman coming soon—in addition to a more in-depth review of Feminine Appeal.)

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

Set-Apart Femininity is not a book that makes the reader comfortable.  But the message rings true when compared to God’s Word.

Unlike Leslie Ludy’s first book for girls, Authentic Beauty-which, while I wholeheartedly agreed with its premise, I felt gave too many graphic examples of impurity in a book about purity-Set-Apart Femininity goes straight to the heart of the message.

Leslie’s question is this: “Is Jesus Christ merely a part of your life?  Or is He your entire life?“ (pg. 96).  Using unforgettable stories of women like Sabina Wurmbrand, Leslie shows clearly how far our typical Christian lives are from being set apart for Him.  The chapter on decorum is filled with questions to help you evaluate how you spend your time, who and what really has a claim on your life.

The book is worth buying just for the chapter on the design of beauty.  Leslie cuts straight to the heart of today’s popular message for Christian women on self-worth and beauty, showing it for the self-centered ugliness it is.  Yes, she agrees, our feminine desire is to be found beautiful, to be that princess we always dreamed of:

“But the solution presented, all too often, does not flow from the true Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Why?  Because it keeps self alive.  It convinces us that we can look inward and find worth, beauty, and value within ourselves.  It keeps the focus on us; on our feelings, our attributes, and our beauty…

“It is not our unique beauty that must shine for this world to see.  It is not our own beauty that we must discover and embrace-it is His… The secret to becoming the beautiful…princess…is forgetting all about self and becoming completely consumed with only one thing-Jesus Christ.” (pg. 45, 47)

And then there’s the chapter on prayer-on cultivating a real, vibrant, every-moment relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Leslie makes a clear case that “our problem is not that we expect too much of God, but that we expect far too little of Him” (pg. 128).  Rather convicting when coupled with Leslie’s description of the abundant hope and life we can and should have in Him: “Not day to day surviving, but day to day thriving” (pg. 127).

Of course, the book wouldn’t be written by a Ludy without some great stuff on romance and guy-girl relationships.  Like about how our generation doesn’t need lower expectations of marriage, but higher ones.  (And I can only say amen to that!  Watch for my review of The First 90 Days of Marriage, which is the Ludy’s entire book about that very subject.)  But Leslie brings our thoughts of ardor and mystique back to the center of where they should be with this:

“If you ever catch yourself ‘putting off’ happiness until you finally get married or thinking that when you finally meet your spouse all of your dreams will be fulfilled, that’s a sign that Christ hasn’t fully captured your heart.  If Jesus Christ isn’t enough right now, then He won’t be enough after marriage either.  And you’ll always be seeking fulfillment from the wrong things-setting your marriage up for disillusionment and tension.” (pg. 185)

If you really read it, Set-Apart Femininity can challenge to the core the way you live your life.  It doesn’t take a very long look around to see that we need Christians to live up to their name now, more than ever.  As another favorite author of mine, Josh Harris, always used to say: “This country will not survive another generation of Christians that fit in.”

The only way to be a part of the counter culture is to be set apart.  The only way to be truly feminine is to be set apart.  The only way to be a radiant princess, a daughter of the King, a child of God is to be set apart.

Read Set-Apart Femininity.  Visit setapartgirl.com.  And together, let’s live set apart lives for Him.

P.S. Congratulations to Leslie and her husband on the Father’s Day arrival of their newest little girl…another one to be set apart for Him!

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

If you, like me, grew up listening to “Gateway to Joy” every morning, you knew the next line was going to be, “This is your friend Elisabeth Elliot.”  That dear, familiar voice would proceed to tell you what she would be talking about with you today.  And it was always biblical, practical, and pertinent.

My mom, grandma, and I affectionately referred to her as “E.E.”  We listened to her tapes on car trips, faithfully caught the “Gateway to Joy” broadcast each morning, and always read the monthly Gateway to Joy Newsletter and The Elisabeth Elliot Newsletter.

It was the end of an era when “Gateway to Joy” went off the air.  I couldn’t listen to Nancy Leigh DeMoss (whose program “Revive Our Hearts” replaced “Gateway to Joy”) for years, simply because she was not Elisabeth Elliot.

But I was delighted to discover recently that I could still keep up with Elisabeth and her husband Lars on elisabethelliot.org.  There’s a new devotional each day pulled from Elisabeth’s past writings, all 21 years of The Elisabeth Elliot Newsletter are archived in PDF format, and best of all, Lars is still writing.  There’s no RSS feed for his “Ramblings from the Cove,” but bookmark the page and check back every month or two for the latest from the Grens with Lars’ humorous twist.  Back to the Bible still provides transcripts of some of the more recent years of “Gateway to Joy” broadcasts-good reading whether you heard every GTJ broadcast or have never even heard of Elisabeth Elliot (if that is possible).

Go soak up some wisdom from E.E.  And while you’re thinking of them, pray for Lars and Elisabeth.  I’m sure they’d appreciate the prayers for an extra measure of strength and a reminder of that everlasting love.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

“Why mind the fashion? Wear a big hat, and be comfortable!” ~Little Women

Incidentally, I’ve got a precious newborn baby in my arms today (I get her all day once a week until my wedding!) so thanks for your patience!
Edited May 2008

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships.

At the heart of mature femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman’s differing relationships.

For in-depth explanation of these definitions, check out chapter 1 of the book, available free to read at the link above.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

• Open her doors
• Stand when she enters the room
• Pull out her chair
• Give up your seat for her
• Carry heavy objects for her
• Retrieve dropped items for her

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

True manliness is perfect strength under perfect control.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

You must look feminine, dress feminine, you’re at your best feminine!
Compliment his masculinity, that’s what every girl should know—
If she wants to catch a beau!

Now, we all know that there’s much more to being the girls and women that God has made us to be than merely ‘catching beaus’—I would scarcely promote that occupation to any of you! But there’s a sweet truth in the simple lines, in the colorful scene of swirling petticoats and fluttering girls, in the breathless appearance of each be-decked and be-ribboned young lady at the top of the stairs and in the smile of her respective suitor down below: men like women to be womanly, and women like men to be manly. And God likes us to be attracted to that in each other. His design is a culture of men and women secure in their distinctions and incomplete without each other. Fulfilled and yet unfulfilled. At the risk of being unnecessarily basic, I believe that it’s a point worth underscoring in a time when the rudimentary characteristics of the two have become so blurred as to leave us all in a state of unprecedented confusion.

These days the striking and beautiful differences between male and female are treated as abnormalities; disfigurements on the face of an otherwise completely neutral and genderless society. Enemies of God’s design have worked tirelessly to shame these distinctions into obscurity, to the point that many growing up now have no reason to suspect that the differences have ever existed at all. It’s no wonder that the woman roused to her innate calling to be a woman is confronted with a confusing mess of conflicting messages. It grieves me to no end to consider all of the girls and young ladies out there who have been immobilized in their awakening quest towards true womanhood by the pervasive and pernicious idea that there is no such thing. It’s all the stuff of dreams and fairy tales, but in the Real World women have to protect themselves and make a successful life for themselves. There are no knights in shining armor to rescue and defend. There are no beautiful princesses who live happily ever after with their loving prince. Not in the Real World.

But as Christians we base our convictions about what’s real on a foundation much surer than current public opinion. The principles we have to rely on are grounded in solid rock—Jesus Christ Himself. In Christ and in His relationship with His Bride the Church we see the ideal of masculinity and femininity. He nurtures and protects. She reverences and adores. He stoops to serve her. She is raised to a position of honor by her acceptance of his leadership. Is there anything more beautiful—or more romantic?

The essence of true womanhood supersedes all discussion on the implications of such.
The point to keep in mind is that we seek to please the Lord himself by living in our specific roles. If we are a woman, than there’s none better than the one who thought up womanhood in the first place to show us how to live as a woman. Many of our personal applications will be different. Our job is not to try and convince other women to live the way that we do but to convince ourselves to live in obedience to God. There are clear, simple absolutes in Scripture—I don’t say easy, for it’s ever so much harder to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit, to honor our fathers and submit to our husbands, than it is to adhere to a certain standard of dress or interactions with young men.

Not that these personal distinctions don’t enter in to the equation, but let us not confuse them with the solution itself. I’ve had wonderful, fun friendships with guys, and my dad had some very reasonable and practical guidelines for my sister and me in our days under his roof. I’m also a Romantic of romantics, and I happen to feel most ‘me’ when I’m wearing a long, flowing skirt with flowers in my hair! But it isn’t about being ‘me’ so much as it’s about being ‘His’. God is most glorified in the expression of my femininity when my heart is in accordance (or is trying to be!) with His standard of womanliness. As a wife, a huge part of that means living in submission to my husband, which, He tells us, is in a direct line with our submission to Him.

I went to the wedding of a dear girlhood friend last Saturday. All weddings make me teary and sentimental—especially since I’ve been married myself—but this one was notably dear. I always scrutinize the groom, seeking for indications in his face and manner of a radiance to match that of his beautiful bride. I love that moment of unguarded tenderness when everyone else is looking towards her triumphal appearance and his face lights up with a wonder that shouts, ‘Is this really for me?’ This groom recited his vows to my friend with an entirely love-filled demeanor. The very tilt of his head as he gazed down at her was eloquent with devotion. And her little rapt, upturned face was absolutely glorified. It was almost too sacred to look. I dropped my eyes to the program in my lap as the tears gathered. There, printed for all to see was St. Paul’s audacious and controversial little discourse on the roles of man and woman in marriage from Ephesians 5.

Now as the church submits to Christ , so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything…Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her…This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church…

That, of course, is precisely why it is so incomprehensibly delightful to witness a marriage of such mutual devotion. It’s as close a picture as we’re going to get in this life to what our union with Jesus Christ actually looks like. And that’s what it’s all about, after all. I encourage each of you to seek the Lord and seek your own heart about your personal expression of femininity. It’s a thing of great beauty and worth, valuable and inspiring to the men in your life, edifying and ennobling to the women coming behind you, and most of all, unutterably precious to God.

Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. For, lo! the winter is past, the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth and the time of the singing of birds is come. Arise, my love, and come away…

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

“I have found that a man will usually be as much of a gentleman as a lady requires and probably no more.”
-Elisabeth Elliot

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

Click here to read my article with further thoughts on the topic

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

I read Will’s blog first and then came over here. I had just finished asking if being a woman, then, was “perfect beauty under perfect control.” I think it might be. Just as a man’s strength truly comes from his courageous, persevering heart, so a woman’s beauty stems from her peaceful, trusting heart.

There are a lot more complications wrapped up in my statement than are readily obvious on the surface. For one thing, men and women image God together as a complement and individually. Women have courage – there’s no doubt about that. Men have their own sort of beauty too. And there we see the qualification that comes necessary. I couldn’t just say, “Men have beauty!” They have their own sort. We women have our own sort of courage.

I don’t think it’s a curse that we submit. I think the whole fact that it is “submission” comes from this being a fallen world. If men were perfectly loving, they would take us into account every time and there would be no felt pain in following. As it is, if we were perfectly submissive (I do hate that word!) then it would be easy for the guys to love us. Neither one of those is gonna happen perfectly!

I think that both of these emotions should be inspired by the other’s heart. A man’s perfect strength, if it exists, inspires me (a naturally strong leader) to follow. A woman’s perfect beauty will inspire a man to love. A respected man will grow stronger, and a loved woman more beautiful.

I do not have time right now to formulate a proper response to the questions raised in the comments to Gretchen’s post, but have asked another YLCF Team Member with more wisdom than me to address it. Look for that post sometime in the near future.

Photo: Kailoni (Natalie’s college roommate) and her husband on their honeymoon, 2005

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.

©2010 Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. All Rights Reserved.