If I Were a Boy

“Virtue is always modest, and modesty is itself a virtue.  He who is discovered by his real excellence, and not by his egotistical advertisements of his own perfections, is a man worth knowing.”
-C. H. Spurgeon

by Jessie Waugh,
circa 1884

Though I am not a model girl, I have longed to be a boy just long enough to show other boys how to act.  For, having viewed boys from a girl’s standpoint, and having a girl’s idea of a model boy, I think I could make a decided improvement on the conduct of most boys.

First of all, if I were a boy, I would strive with all my might to be a manly boy, for if there is anything despicable, it is a boy with weak feminine traits. Endowed with a healthy boy’s strength, I would use it in defending all creatures weaker than myself.  I don’t think you would ever catch me torturing birds or dogs or throwing stones at any animal, because such conduct is not a sign of a kind heart.

And a boy that will take delight in playing mean, rough jokes on playmates is not the one that will step aside for a girl or give her his seat.  Therefore, I would practice politeness toward my boy playmates, so that it would come natural for me when girls are around.

If I were a boy, I would not try to crowd a girl off the sidewalk or push another fellow against her, as I have seen boys do.   When I meet some boys, I am inclined to think that they have never been fully civilized.

And you would never find me among the crowd of loafers on the corner standing ready to remark upon or laugh at the passers by.  And I would never stand with a crowd at the church door and thus cruelly compel everyone to march through a line of searching eyes as they enter.

Inside the church, well away from the back seat, is the place for the boy who goes for good purposes.  And if I were a boy, no one could ever convince me that smoking and chewing are gentlemanly habits; I would never allow anything so vile to pollute my breath.  At home I would not bear the title of “that horrid boy,” but I would be such a favorite of my sisters that they would prefer my company to that of any beau.

And I would never allow my mother to do any heavy work that belongs to a big stout boy.  I would never throw my hat or coat on the floor or enter with muddy boots, and thereby save the women folk the vexation that such conduct causes.  And I would never enter any house without removing my hat.

At school I would endeavor to convince my teacher that all boys are not of that wild character which needs constant watching and extra patience.  Then I would explode the theory that all boys are dolts by never allowing a girl to get ahead of me.  Above all I would keep clean, so that a girl need not shirk from allowing me to carry her books or umbrella.

Now if I were a boy, I would try, after hearing these suggestions, to improve my general behavior.  At any rate, I would surely make people respect me, which some boys don’t do.

Jessie Waugh, pictured above, was my great-great grandmother.  She wrote this piece while a freshman in high school, circa 1884.  It, along with the Spurgeon quote, was reprinted in the #31 YLCF Journal as part of the “Thoughts for Young Men” column which my brother helped me put together for the last six issues we published. -Gretchen