So Much More

The question was asked to no one in particular, but it hit me across the face, and I struggled with it for a minute or two.

“This is your life: is it everything that you had hoped it would be?”

I looked back over the past couple years, and weighed the moments, and tears fell unheeded as I remembered…

Moments when I watched my childhood friend walk down the aisle towards the man she loved and thought I would burst for happiness- and yet felt a strange, wistful longing throb within to love and be loved in “that way”, too.

Moments when my own world seemed caved in and my heart ached from being broken in ways that I didn’t think could ever be repaired.

Moments when I stood on the mountains and looked down to the valleys and realized what it will be like to truly “mount up with wings as an eagle”. Moments when I waited in the darkness, uncertain what the next step would be.

Moments when I was afraid. Moments when I simply had to trust that He knew best in the end. Moments when I first tasted True Love.  Moments when I lost. Moments when I won. Moments of wondering- why, how, when. Moments of revelation. Moments of sorrow and moments of joy.

The past few years held my life’s saddest and its happiest moments, and my heart still ached from wounds that feel too fresh to touch just yet, but the tears weren’t for the painful moments and wishful longings for things that might have been that can never be. They were for the blessed reality that there is One who is greater than all these things. One who does exceedingly, and abundantly above all that we can ask, think or even begin to imagine. One who gives us those moments on eagle’s wings of pure happiness. One who can heal even broken hearts. One who walks beside us, and who carries us when our feet are too weary to walk.

In the sorrows, I found beautiful treasures of the heart that I could have never known had it not been for the pain and darkness. In the moments of uncertainty, I found trust growing stronger. In the moments of happiness, I tasted Heaven’s joy. In the quiet moments, I learned to listen. In the brokenness, I learned to be complete in Him. Not a moment was a wasted moment. They weren’t the things I had imagined, but they were all beautiful-in His way.

I looked at my life and saw that, instead of just what I had hoped for in my most cherished, unspoken dreams, my God had given what  I couldn’t have begun to hope for, and so much more.

Photo of Late Summer Dandelion by Chantel Brankshire. Use with Permission Only. Thanks!