Single-Minded, Part Two

Last week I asked you singles to weigh in on what your days look like and what you’re doing with this season of your lives, to be compiled into a post at the end of this month. But the response we received was just too good to confine to one piece! Here’s a first sampling, in our readers’ own words. (And if you want to throw in your oar, it’s not too late– just leave a comment on this post or the original one. )

from Raquel Mutton:

Oh my… It’s so hard to untangle the answers to the questions you’re asking from the pain and tears of not knowing, and one more birthday being single, and one more day of biting my lip as I try to do what’s in front of me without creating a fantasy of world of how ‘he’ will come and fall madly in love with me…someday…

So what am I doing right now? When I turned 18 and graduated from my last year of homeschooling I moved in with my sister and her husband and their (then) five children. I am now 24, and my sister has seven children, and I’ve spent the last 6 years ‘practicing’ my homemaking skills. I thought I had them down pat because I was a nice homeschooled girl who knew how to cook and clean and do practical things, but I learned there’s a difference between knowing how and doing it day after day after day through all of the surprise inconveniences life throws at you.

While I’ve been busy growing up through the past few years, so have my sister’s children, and now that her oldest is 14, I’m needed less than I used to be around the house. One thing I’m spending my time on now is my amazing new hobby of couponing. I’ve discovered that if you put the time into learning the ‘game’ and plan each shopping trip carefully you can get tons of stuff for free or very cheap by combining sales and coupons. Some of this stays in my sister’s house, some of it gets sent to the house of another homeschool family nearby, and everything that’s left I donate to a local mission.

I have learned that no matter how small and pointless (and sometimes boring) my part seems in the grand scheme of things, if it’s the job God gave me, I will be faithful. I have learned that feeling peace is not necessary to being content in God–which is helpful when I’m once again sobbing into my pillow and wonder if I should be feeling guilty for being so miserable. I have learned that no matter how strongly it feels that God just ditched me and doesn’t care about me, it is not true and never will be. I have learned that I since I can never be good enough or wise enough to earn any good gifts from God, that means that my singleness isn’t a punishment for ‘not being good enough yet’. I have learned that no matter how well I think I’ve learned all of these lessons, I will promptly forget and need to learn them all over again.

I have learned that life is incredibly more excruciatingly painful and complicated and messy than I ever realized, and that my God is bigger, and brighter and more amazing than I could have known without the pain.

from ladyfelicity:

My single days are filled with … life. Abundant, exhilerating, exhausting, precious, wonderful life. (Sorry, that isn’t simple and succinct!) Let’s try again …

For me, the key to not just surviving but LIVING singleness is surrender. I try to surrender EVERYTHING. Jesus knows and understands and cares about my hopes and dreams. My life belongs to Him and I’ll never miss my life by leaving the details of love and marriage and motherhood in His hands. His timing is perfect. He knows how old I am and He’ll work everything together for good – even “the late twenties” and the challenges with which they present single girls. For me, the key to living singleness is surrendering everything to Him and watching Him do wonderful things in a heart and life that belong to Him.

God has brought some amazing things into my life – the chance to do admin for a local Christian ministry that ministers and prays on the streets of the city and the inspiration to write … articles and, come this spring, real life books. These are unique opportunities for TODAY – for this season of singleness. One of the wonderful-to-me ideals I have for this season is to write books that encourage girls in faith through stories. If we’re surrendered to Him and committed to saying yes to Him and walking with Him in faith, He brings wonderful things into our lives – things we can do with and for Him, but would never dream of doing on our own initiative or in our own strength. It’s a blessing to serve our families and friends, but it’s so exciting when God brings MORE.

Focusing on God ALONE is hard when you want to focus on Him WITH a special someone. But think of it the other way round – someday you’ll have to focus on Him with a husband and a bunch of children, but now you can focus on Him ALONE. It’s just you and Him and that’s … special. He can be your dearest friend. Make the most of it TODAY!

from Millie LeFlore:

I’m 26 and as I continue to follow Jesus Christ, he is showing me more of his heart through my singleness. When I lay my desires before Him they become a place where He meets me and speaks directly to my heart about His love and desire to be with me. Although I wanted to be married at 18, looking back I wouldn’t trade my years of singleness for anything. Through them I have learned what surrender is, what trust is, and I’ve been free to serve on the mission field in ways a married woman may not have been able. Thank you Jesus for my singleness!! thank you Jesus for YOU.

from Stacy:

As a single woman going into her mid twenties, I still long to meet the right one, but want to keep my relationship with the Lord as my first priority. It’s not easy, but I still hope for the best. I try now by volunteering wherever I can in my church and expand my writing ministry. It does help to do things and focus on positive things in the present. If I fall, I just get up and dust off my shoulders.

from Rachelle:

I organize the youth newsletter for my church. I am beginning a read-a-thon Feb. 12 to raise money for Compassion International’s relief efforts in Haiti. Most importantly, though, I am seeking to seek Him first during this time of serving Him “without distraction.”

from Anna Lofgren:

I am spending my single days serving my Savior and community He’s placed me in for now, learning contentment and trust, and preparing for marriage, and motherhood, if and whenever that will happen. I’m taking advantage of extra time I have to devote to the Lord and be about His affairs, making sure that my day starts with extended time with my heavenly Father. Making a routine of studying many books helps deepen my walk with Him and prepare myself for the different roles He may have me play. Though it can definitely be a struggle at times, God has granted me peace and contentment as I trust Him for His timing. Time and again He’s led me in amazing ways to show me what He wants me to focus on for now. As a single young lady, He’s blessed me with time with my family at home, and given me the incredible opportunity of teaching praise ballet to 40 young girls and directing theatre involving many families. It is a joy to be a part of bringing glory to God through the arts!

to be continued…