I believe strongly and wholeheartedly in solid, godly marriages. Marriage is an awe-inspiring, truly blissful thing and something to be lauded and heralded as the God-ordained institution it is. We are people created for marriage and, once married, we should strive daily, at every possible opportunity to encourage each other toward even stronger, even holier marriages.
But marriage is not the end goal of life.
Knowing personally and loving wholly the precious Savior IS the first and foremost goal of life. While such things as marriage and motherhood are, for many, the outworking of this goal, marriage in and of itself doesn’t make a life complete. It doesn’t signal the beginning of “real life.” It is simply a way God has ordained for some–I’d even venture to say most, but certainly not all–to better glorify Himself. Personal fulfillment, joy and happiness aren’t obtained solely through the finding of a life partner. If this is the only thing one is hoping for, waiting idly for, or even preparing solely for, something is severely wrong. Nowhere in scripture does God command or even suggest that marriage is the “IT” thing in the life of anyone–not even young women. In fact, the verses speaking specifically to unmarried women say the opposite–single women should be concerned wholly and completely with learning of, loving and serving their Heavenly Father, not waiting expectantly for life to truly begin with the appearance of Prince Charming.
It seems there is a rash among Christian young women to see their lives as being in a holding pattern until they get married. I know many–far too many–young ladies who prepare in every way and form they can think of, expecting to get married right after high school, because, well, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Some of us grow up often thinking that all we want to do in life is be a wife and mother… so why think of or plan for anything else? We do a good thing in learning basic and sometimes advanced housekeeping skills as we get older, and often, for Christian young women raised (rightly so) to revere and respect the position of wife and mother, this is the thing into which we pour our whole selves while we wait.
Sometimes, though, the waiting is longer than we thought it would be when we were 16. We reach the end of high school and our knight in shining armour hasn’t yet arrived on his white steed, so we wait another year or so, knowing he’ll drop from the sky soon… right? Two years pass… and three… and five… and… before you know it, some have been single for much longer than they expected. They’ve been waiting at home doing everything they can to prepare for marriage–learning to cook, care for children, keep a home. They far surpass the basic housekeeping skills and have become a homemaker any young man would be blessed to have loving him and keeping his home. But some of them are beginning to wonder–what do I do with these single years as a whole? Have I possibly spent these past years waiting for something never meant to complete me in the first place?
We think we’re living for the Lord by preparing for marriage and marriage alone and might even feel a bit puffed up about our “holy focus” instead of doing the so-called “worldly” thing of pursuing a busy life of college, missions, service or anything that doesn’t center on preparation for marriage. We don’t realize we’re actually guilty of doing the very thing we’re accusing the rest of the “world” of doing. We’re living for our own pleasure–we believe we know what will make us happiest and most fulfilled in this life and so, as with someone wishing to enter any other field, we pursue nothing else. Is it worth considering that in some of these situations, perhaps we’re actually being blinded by our own desires? Are our own preconceived notions keeping us from what God actually has for us for this particular season?
Stay tuned for Part Two…
20 Comments
Great post…looking forward to more!
Oh thank you so much for saying this! I am a 37-year-old single woman who still longs to be married and have children, and has often felt I must be doing something wrong by having to wait this long. However, God has a very specific call on my life to be a child therapist, and I’ve spent the last 7 years training for that. I love the work, I love what I do, I love the children and I know God will use these years and this training for my future and my future family’s benefit as well. Does pursuing a ‘career’ make me less godly? Of course not, because THIS is God’s call for me right now. Sure I get lonely, but knowing you are in God’s will no matter what is what brings me peace and assurance! God doesn’t have the same call for everyone nor the same time frames. While it may look ’selfish’ that I’m pursuing a ‘career,’ for me it is not a career for its own sake but a vocation from God to love and understand the suffering little ones, no matter how it looks to others. Obeying him has brought me the greatest joy and fulfillment!
Agnes, thank you for sharing that!!! You should check out http://www.ladies-in-waiting.net. It is a site for where you can be encouraged by other single Christian ladies and be an encouragement to them too!
Thanks Sarah Ann, I will do!
Great post!
It seems that so many girls live for the day they get married and live ‘happily ever after’, rather than live in today.
Its easy to waste today waiting on tomorrow.
Thank you so much for sharing this I can hardly wait for part 2! I was one of the people that was certain I would be married at 18 and pregant at 19
Well…I am 19 and neither of those have come to pass and there really is not any prospects right now. Until a few weeks ago I had allowed discontentment to creep into my heart and instead of living a victorious single life for my Lord I was living a mediocre one that was causing alot of compromise. So I CHOSE to not live like that anymore and asked Him to take away the discontentment and all the problems it was causeing and replace it with a spirit of complete surrender and trust in the fact that HE IS IN CONTROL! I was content to just wait around but now…I really believe that the Lord has called me to minister to others via missions. I am going to school for nursing. I am planning a short terms mission trip. I am ministering to other single girls. Does this mean that I am not lonely sometimes…yeah I am but…those are the times that I just have to surrender it once again to my Lord trusting in His timing and CHOOSE to live each day faithfully fullfilling the callings He has for my life right now as a single girl…He is so worthy and so good! 
Wow that was a paragragh! loL 
Thanks again for posting this…it was a blessing to me!
Good words to hear…I look forward to Part 2.
Thank you for the encouragement Ashleigh. It is easy to get discouraged when things don’t turn out as we had planned or even dared to hope! And the waiting doesn’t seem to get easier as we get older either. *chuckle*
But I know He has bigger and better plans than even marriage for me!
“But marriage is not the end goal of life.” Funny, my dad basically said the same thing to me last year upon facing a very difficult decision.
excellent points.
I have been wanting to write an article along these very lines recently, and was glad to see you put it into words so well. Beautifully stated – and so true! Thank you for sharing.
“We’re living for our own pleasure–we believe we know what will make us happiest and most fulfilled in this life and so, as with someone wishing to enter any other field, we pursue nothing else.”
Thank you for writing this- The sentence I’ve quoted is something I am struggling with so much right now. It can be so hard to let go of my pride and what I think my life should be at this point and just place my trust in Christ. I know that this is a part of having true faith but lately I have had such a difficult time truly feeling at peace with my situation.
Thanks again and I’m really looking forward to Part 2
Wow, thank you so much for this article. I agree comletely! There’s such a fine line to walk between preparing yourself for marriage someday, but not hanging all your hopes on it. Our focus is to be on the Lord! This is a very balanced viewpoint. (You don’t run across many of those!)
Like Abigail, I’ve been wanting – and trying! – to write something like this lately, but I could not have done it so beautifully. Thank you again.
Amen and Amen!!
Marriage is a means not an end…
Your really wrote a well-balanced article here and I wanted to thank you for sharing with us!
In the past, I’ve always told myself that I couldn’t do this or that because it wasn’t necessarily something that would better me as a future homemaker… and now, it seems God is “pushing” me towards pursuing I would have never thought of pursuing before…
So, I am seeking Him and letting Him lead. And I have peace about it!
I am looking forward to Part 2!
Ashleigh, thank you! This article was so encouraging to read. It makes me want to stand on a chair, punch my fist in the air, and shout, “Amen!” Many of my friends (men and women) are in this place of waiting, as am I. But whether the desire to marry is fulfilled or not, it is so good to know our worth, our purpose, and our enjoyment of life depends on something else entirely separate from our circumstances, something transcendent.
Thank you so very much for writing this, I’m looking forward to part two. I am 17 years old and do believe that being a wife and homemaking certainly is a noble calling (which I hope to one day be) but God has lead me to further my education outside the home while still having learned all the skills that are necessary to make a godly home.
Excellent article! If we are not content now, serving God and loving Him, we will not be content when we are married. No man can fill our hearts. We have to be content in God and a husband will be something wonderful, but not the thing that will fill our hearts. God has a wonderful plan for all of our lives, and a husband is just one part of that! God is the only thing that will fill our hearts with contentment.
Thanks for writing these articles. This is a topic I have been thinking a lot about lately.
You guys should really read the article “completely single” on
pearlsanddiamonds.wordpress.com,
it runs along the same lines and is so encouraging =)
This post is truly encouraging. Thanks
Keep up the good work.
Hi,
This is a absolutely great site to be encouraged by, I have been in a very difficult time and I needed to be still and listen to what God had been wanting me to see, I have a wide circle of friends most are married, some are single parents and most of them has much more experience than myself and I have been talked into exchange of telephone numbers with the eligible male friends which didnt work out at all. I have been spending time with people that are in a completely different spaces than me and I have allowed their way of thinking to somewhat influence me and so easily we could wrap that with what we think God wants. It’s really difficult to be in a place where God wants you alone, with no friends and with no pure minded christian guy friends to hang out with, as I am typing I think that He has just answered me by saying that I have allowed different influences to strip me from my real desire, I have always held onto becoming the whole person I would like to meet someday and I have been robbed by thinking that marriage is the end of all.
I am coming to the place where I enjoyed being before this confusion that i allowed but now i am getting to a place where i soaking in God whole heartedly, I believe that when Your complete focus is on what He wants, your wants suddenly rushes out by the door.
I am excited for my shift in my mindset, It wont be easy but with God being my all, I am going through this and I know that His peace will not let me down because my my my I no longer want to live a life where i am not fruitful because of me wanting what i think is good.
I wish to keep in touch with females of the same mindset. I enjoy wise counsel and i love when people are prosperous because of the principles they have applied which is God’s word.
Best Regards,
Lucy – SA
Very good…very well said. Thank you, Ashleigh. Sometimes…God will bring us to that very place of solitude in order to reveal His majesty- which eclipses anything else our feeble minds ever dared to conceive.
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