Comments on: Marriage Is Not My Highest Calling Part Two http://ylcf.org/2009/09/marriage-is-not-my-highest-calling-part-two/ YLCF Tue, 22 May 2012 04:16:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Sarah http://ylcf.org/2009/09/marriage-is-not-my-highest-calling-part-two/#comment-11200 Sarah Thu, 08 Apr 2010 17:54:37 +0000 http://ylcf.org/?p=4281#comment-11200 But I've grown to realize something the stay-at-home daughter movement has missed. We aren't preparing for life; we are living it right now. In this season, I'm supposed to be at college. In another season, I may be writing a book. Or getting my masters degree. Or getting married and raising children. Life doesn't start at the altar of your marriage vows, but at the altar of your daily surrender of your life to the Lord. Pursuing Jesus with your life is the highest calling. But I’ve grown to realize something the stay-at-home daughter movement has missed. We aren’t preparing for life; we are living it right now.
In this season, I’m supposed to be at college. In another season, I may be writing a book. Or getting my masters degree. Or getting married and raising children.
Life doesn’t start at the altar of your marriage vows, but at the altar of your daily surrender of your life to the Lord.
Pursuing Jesus with your life is the highest calling.

]]> By: Sarah http://ylcf.org/2009/09/marriage-is-not-my-highest-calling-part-two/#comment-11199 Sarah Thu, 08 Apr 2010 17:52:29 +0000 http://ylcf.org/?p=4281#comment-11199 I grew up respecting marriage and child-raising so highly, I assumed that was the only proper life for a woman of God. Even now, as a sophomore in college, I often wonder if studying to be a teacher as I am is merely a waste of time. What if I never technically use my education? I grew up respecting marriage and child-raising so highly, I assumed that was the only proper life for a woman of God. Even now, as a sophomore in college, I often wonder if studying to be a teacher as I am is merely a waste of time. What if I never technically use my education?

]]> By: Heather http://ylcf.org/2009/09/marriage-is-not-my-highest-calling-part-two/#comment-10520 Heather Tue, 29 Dec 2009 22:26:05 +0000 http://ylcf.org/?p=4281#comment-10520 Thank you so much for this article. I have had my eyes opened to the idol I had made of marriage and motherhood. That is what I have been hoping and planning for my whole life. I read all the books about courtship and modesty and figured that if I was the right kind of girl, God was obligated to give me the husband and ministry I wanted, instead of submitting my future to Christ's Lordship. Recently I ended the only relationship I have ever been in because I was trying to "make it work" - to make myself fit with this young man in every way, simply because I was attracted to him, admired his godly character, and essentially wanted to use him to fulfill my dreams of romance, marriage, and the ministry of motherhood. I wanted to prove to him and to God that I was worthy of favor and approval. But I could never measure up to the standard I set for myself. I became depressed and exhausted trying to meet expectations both real and imaginary and felt like a total failure as a "girlfriend" (or whatever you call it - a "courtee?") and a Christian. I began to doubt my salvation, the reality of the Christian faith, everything! If it were not for Him I would have left the faith! The Lord has had to remind me that that is the whole point! We ARE total failures! We cannot follow Jesus in His life of sacrifice and self-denial to the point that the Bible demands. If it was up to our hard work and perfection, none of us would be saved. How thankful I am for the Cross of Christ, for His imputed righteousness! That He accepts me, and then changes me Himself, accepting my weak and faltering efforts for Christ's sake! So now I am trying to develop a "life plan" that does not require marriage. In other words, instead of doing short-term activities to serve the Lord UNTIL marriage comes along, I want to develop long-term goals for how I can spend my LIFE in His service, even if marriage never comes. This is an impossible task by myself. The Lord has to help me root out this idol from my life. Not that I would be opposed to marriage if the Lord was clearly bringing that into my life, but that my life would not be centered around that as the only way I am willing to serve the Lord with my life. Thank you so much for this article. I have had my eyes opened to the idol I had made of marriage and motherhood. That is what I have been hoping and planning for my whole life. I read all the books about courtship and modesty and figured that if I was the right kind of girl, God was obligated to give me the husband and ministry I wanted, instead of submitting my future to Christ’s Lordship.

Recently I ended the only relationship I have ever been in because I was trying to “make it work” – to make myself fit with this young man in every way, simply because I was attracted to him, admired his godly character, and essentially wanted to use him to fulfill my dreams of romance, marriage, and the ministry of motherhood. I wanted to prove to him and to God that I was worthy of favor and approval. But I could never measure up to the standard I set for myself. I became depressed and exhausted trying to meet expectations both real and imaginary and felt like a total failure as a “girlfriend” (or whatever you call it – a “courtee?”) and a Christian. I began to doubt my salvation, the reality of the Christian faith, everything! If it were not for Him I would have left the faith!

The Lord has had to remind me that that is the whole point! We ARE total failures! We cannot follow Jesus in His life of sacrifice and self-denial to the point that the Bible demands. If it was up to our hard work and perfection, none of us would be saved. How thankful I am for the Cross of Christ, for His imputed righteousness! That He accepts me, and then changes me Himself, accepting my weak and faltering efforts for Christ’s sake!

So now I am trying to develop a “life plan” that does not require marriage. In other words, instead of doing short-term activities to serve the Lord UNTIL marriage comes along, I want to develop long-term goals for how I can spend my LIFE in His service, even if marriage never comes. This is an impossible task by myself. The Lord has to help me root out this idol from my life. Not that I would be opposed to marriage if the Lord was clearly bringing that into my life, but that my life would not be centered around that as the only way I am willing to serve the Lord with my life.

]]> By: Jessica http://ylcf.org/2009/09/marriage-is-not-my-highest-calling-part-two/#comment-10500 Jessica Tue, 22 Dec 2009 00:00:41 +0000 http://ylcf.org/?p=4281#comment-10500 Hi Ashleigh, I really like your post, but what about those girls who are single like me who don't seem to know what they are supposed to be doing with their 'single' time? I honestly thought I would have been married by now. In fact, what if I told you that I knew who my future husband is, but yet, he doesn't know it, or is being stubborn about it? I would have to politely disagree with you about God not calling people to be married, because I was. Yet, I believe I missed my chances. I won't go into detail, but perhaps you could provide an answer to this question: "if you know that beyond any shadow of a doubt you were supposed to marry a certain person, and he lives in another state, and you had the chance to get to know him at college, but didn't, how on earth, are you supposed to know whether God will ever bring you together, like He told you?" It's a honest and agonizing question. Also, if you are in a church that is full of married people, and there's not many ministries to get involved in that aren't already full, but you know that God doesn't want you to leave the church, what are you supposed to do? It's very difficult to look at people I grew up with who seem so much more 'mature' and 'different' and 'grown up' who are in the church and who are married. People don't say it, but I feel like I'm being looked down on for being single. Perhaps it's just my being paranoid. And also, the people who are married in our church are so preoccupied with their own families, that as a single person, it's easy to feel left out and disconnected from people. Especially when there are other single people in the church who are either working too much that you never see them, or they are not completely focused on the Lord, you know? What is my role in this season of my life? If I'm not supposed to marry, what am I supposed to be doing? Please, any response would be beneficial. Also, it is refreshing and encouraging to me to hear from a married lady who doesn't believe that "marriage is the highest calling of her life." Perhaps it's better that I'm single? I don't know. I'm just confused about it all. Hi Ashleigh,
I really like your post, but what about those girls who are single like me who don’t seem to know what they are supposed to be doing with their ‘single’ time? I honestly thought I would have been married by now. In fact, what if I told you that I knew who my future husband is, but yet, he doesn’t know it, or is being stubborn about it? I would have to politely disagree with you about God not calling people to be married, because I was. Yet, I believe I missed my chances. I won’t go into detail, but perhaps you could provide an answer to this question: “if you know that beyond any shadow of a doubt you were supposed to marry a certain person, and he lives in another state, and you had the chance to get to know him at college, but didn’t, how on earth, are you supposed to know whether God will ever bring you together, like He told you?” It’s a honest and agonizing question. Also, if you are in a church that is full of married people, and there’s not many ministries to get involved in that aren’t already full, but you know that God doesn’t want you to leave the church, what are you supposed to do? It’s very difficult to look at people I grew up with who seem so much more ‘mature’ and ‘different’ and ‘grown up’ who are in the church and who are married. People don’t say it, but I feel like I’m being looked down on for being single. Perhaps it’s just my being paranoid. And also, the people who are married in our church are so preoccupied with their own families, that as a single person, it’s easy to feel left out and disconnected from people. Especially when there are other single people in the church who are either working too much that you never see them, or they are not completely focused on the Lord, you know? What is my role in this season of my life? If I’m not supposed to marry, what am I supposed to be doing? Please, any response would be beneficial. Also, it is refreshing and encouraging to me to hear from a married lady who doesn’t believe that “marriage is the highest calling of her life.” Perhaps it’s better that I’m single? I don’t know. I’m just confused about it all.

]]> By: Laurie http://ylcf.org/2009/09/marriage-is-not-my-highest-calling-part-two/#comment-10133 Laurie Wed, 14 Oct 2009 13:35:32 +0000 http://ylcf.org/?p=4281#comment-10133 Oh, Bravo! I am 39 and never been married, and feel very blessed as a single woman. I've often found it frustrating that most of the resources for Christian women seeking to follow Jesus in the most sincere way are geared toward wives, mothers, and those looking for a husband. I have placed my marital status in the hands of God, and whether I remain single or eventually marry will be done in obedience to Him. I have a job I enjoy and own my own home, family and friends who love me, and I seldom feel lonely or that I've "missed my calling." Thank you so much for such a respectful, balanced look at what constitutes a calling of God. Oh, Bravo! I am 39 and never been married, and feel very blessed as a single woman. I’ve often found it frustrating that most of the resources for Christian women seeking to follow Jesus in the most sincere way are geared toward wives, mothers, and those looking for a husband. I have placed my marital status in the hands of God, and whether I remain single or eventually marry will be done in obedience to Him. I have a job I enjoy and own my own home, family and friends who love me, and I seldom feel lonely or that I’ve “missed my calling.” Thank you so much for such a respectful, balanced look at what constitutes a calling of God.

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