Click here if you missed Part One.
We often speak of things such as being a wife or mother as God’s calling. “This is my highest and noblest calling,” we might declare. I beg to differ. God’s calling to a life is the thing that will never, under any circumstance, change in that life. Throughout scripture we see His call of salvation, His call into service to Him, His call to righteousness. These are universal to all believers. But we don’t find Him calling people into motherhood, the medical field, a teaching career. He does, however, put us in specific seasons in which we, individually, can fulfill those basic callings of service, of righteousness, of love for others, of showing forth His salvation. We are called to be filled with Jesus and be wholly His own.
Marriage and motherhood are amazing blessings to be highly exalted and revered. They are high and noble seasons He gives to some of us, and when we’re in them (which, for marriage, is until death or circumstances beyond the Christian’s control separates the two) they are our highest priority, most certainly, and should be the thing into which we pour our whole selves for the glory of God. But to say marriage and motherhood (which, obviously, typically go hand in hand in our young dreams for the future) are the highest calling for a woman is to say that the woman who doesn’t ever marry or who isn’t able to conceive has somehow missed God’s original plan for her life. Both wifehood and motherhood are noble, if that’s the way God shows Himself through you, but they don’t at all lessen the height and nobility of the season in which He sets another one of us–perhaps the one to whom He’s given the season and priority of being on the mission field, obtaining a Master’s degree, serving as a nurse to people who need care, writing books and speaking to young women, teaching children, or any number of things God’s given the ability to do.
I’d not be so self-confident as to proclaim it easy to find the balance between preparing for what becomes the main occupation for the majority of young women at some point in their lives and not allowing it to become the sole focus. Nor would I say that I, as one who married young myself, have the answers for singlehood. Most noteable, I must be honest and say that I entered my own marriage yet holding some of the views I’m currently refuting. But I do know that even for me, as a wife and mother right now, God is showing me the truth of His calling on my life to follow Him wherever He leads being encompassed in the current priorities He’s given me of husband and children. But for single girls, their priorities are completely different. Even for some who are married, these eventually change. Spouses outlive each other, children grow and have families of their own. We’ve all heard the saying, “Nothing is unchangeable but change itself.” God’s ways are so much higher and more complete than ours–none of us knows what tomorrow holds. There are no guarantees–at all–outside of our unchanging Savior. Limiting a life to a man-made plan for the single years completely negates God Himself and His wisdom that reaches far above our own.
Never in the Bible do we read of women, single or married, spending idle days waiting for Prince Charming to arrive at their doorstep. Think of Rebekah, Ruth, Deborah, Esther, Anna, Lois, and so many others. Every woman mentioned, single or married, is found working, serving the Lord in industrious pursuits suitable to her season in life.
We can’t expect God to bless our efforts when they are ones of idly waiting or of simply taking matters into our own hands because we think we know what will make us happy. The true calling of active service on the path He sets before us is a command that extends beyond the boundaries and context of marriage and motherhood. Single and married women alike need not be afraid of following God’s calling for them, individually–realizing that fulfilling His purpose for their lives is the only end goal worth pursuing and is something that can be accomplished now by living fully and vitally for Him, wherever that path leads… even if that path looks differently than we expect or desire it or even completely different from all of our friends.
Cooking is good. Cleaning, decorating and caring for a home are valuable skills. Children are a wonderful gift from our Father. Marriage is… wow. Learning more about all of these things is helpful (though there is a time to perfect and refine those skills, and it’s usually when they are actually your own priorities).
But also admirable is the unmarried girl who is teaching a room full of eager young minds who need guidance. Or trekking through a third world country and telling natives of a Savior who loves them enough to die for them. Perhaps it’s writing a dissertation. Answering phones and filing paperwork in an office building. Speaking to young women about pursuing Jesus. Traveling around the country and world as a photographer for missions trips and organizations. Meeting a word count goal for the book you’re writing. Serving teens and families at a Christian camp. Leading kayaking tours down a raging river. Being a chef in a fancy restaurant.
Go. Do. Follow Jesus. Be Busy. Embrace your true highest calling.
23 Comments
This two part post is lovely, Ashleigh.
Thank you for your words. They speak directly to me in this season of my life. I have been through a lot recently… your words have reminded me and encouraged me. God has been laying the topic of your post on my heart for several months. I am blessed to have read this. Thank you, thank you!
God bless,
Kaleigh
Thank you for such a wonderful two-part post. Often posts like this can seem a little bit “Oops, we spent too much talking about ‘X’, let’s quickly stitch something together to get the balance right.” Not the case here. This is an insightful, well-thought out piece that really ministered to me. As one who pursued a very career-centric path and has gradually been brought back from the wild dirt roads of “I control my life” to the narrow path of submission to God, I had been experiencing a lot of confusion because of the common view that being a homemaker is our highest calling … and even started to feel guilty about having a Master’s degree and working a full-time job (even though I’m still single!)
Thank you for reminding me to look at the Word – not other Christian women, no matter how “Godly” they seem – to find my true calling.
wow thats funny cause i was JUST thinking that. I am going to school right now and want to ultimately get my RN licence and was wondering “is it wrong to have a career or should i just be a homemaker when i get married?” but no it IS ok!!!
Amen, Ashleigh, Amen.
Great post, Ashleigh–very wise and true.
Very true! I think that sometimes people say that marriage/motherhood is their highest calling because it encompasses such a significant period of their lives. But you are right, our relationship with the Most High God is our true calling- the very reason for our existence in the first place.
This is so true. I’ve held a simiar opinion for years and wondered if I was the only one…
Thats crazy i think the same thing a lot too =]
Excellent article. Thank you very much.
Very, very good thoughts Ashleigh. The circumstances and blessings around us don’t change the race.
And there’s no level of blessing or circumstance that is higher than another. It’s all a gift from God. If all we ever received from our Creator was a Savior while we were yet sinners, that would be completely enough. Everything else is extended-undeserved blessing. Thank you for the needed reminder!
“Let us run with endurance the race marked for us…keeping our eyes on Jesus…” Hebrews 12 (italics mine)
I’ll add my voice to the others above: thank you, Ashleigh.
I entirely agree! I was conversing with my younger brother on this very point last night. It’s a hard to explain subject! I think you did very well though. Thank you. This took courage to write.
WOW!!! God is SO good
Ashleigh you don’t understand how much ur post means to me right now.
[ok sorry this maybe a little long]
I am 23, and i came to Christ almost 7 years ago. For the past 7 years I have watched EVERYONE in my youth group grow up and get married and have children [including my younger sister]. For the past 3 years people have come up to me, pat me on the shoulder and say “girl when are u going to get married?”. I soon found myself sad and hurt because I am the last young adult of my youth group to be single. I felt [and sometimes still feel] that God has closed his ears to me and could care less about my desire for a future husband. I would say “what’s the problem with me God, don’t you know i would make a good wife?” or “well maybe its cause im not pretty enough”; I would begin finding things wrong with me and try changing them [dieting, shopping for cuter stuff, lowering my standards]. This past year God began to show me that i need to embrass my singleness and make the best of it. Well i started to get more involved with his ministry, and went back to school to work on my career. All was good until this past week, i started to question my desicion to wait on God and let him direct my love life, i started saying “well look nothing is happening”. [this brings me to tears] Just tonight i came home from school and had a talk with God that went somthing like this:
“God i am tiered of being lonely, im tiered of wishing and asking and nothing happening, im tiered of being the odd ball out, im tiered of it all, I’ve done ALL that i know to do and its like u still don’t care. I DON’T want to grow old and lonely and not have a family. Well it doesn’t matter if my guy is in church so if your not going to do anything about it, i guess i have to take this in MY OWN hands.” [now of course this is Jesus so i said it with more respect lol]
but after all that i decided to look and see if i could get some advice…and then i found this blog…..it got my mind back on focus!!!! I TRUST JESUS!!! he never said this was going to be easy, but with his hand and guidence i know he will provide IN HIS TME!!! until then i want to love Jesus and focus my life on him..
thank you so much sis for sharing your blog with us
much blessings for you
Jess!
4xkt498
As a teenager I was one of these girls who was “never” going to work outside the home, go to college, etc. We believed, based on our study of Scripture, that a woman’s place was in the home (which I still believe, if God blesses that woman with a home of her own), and therefore I was just going to prepare for marriage. I realize now, though, that subconciously I was saying to God, “Well, Lord, I’m following the Scriptures more closely than all these other girls, so You had better hold up Your end of the bargain and bring me a husband, right now!” God answered, “Oh really?”
Almost 24 and still single, I now have a part-time job and go to college (gasp!) 
I’ve been a “stay-at-home daughter” and a working girl/student, and to my surprise God has engineered both situations and done His work in both. I’ve learned that God is the only One in control, that we can’t hold too closely to ideas that may be just our own, if they have to do with an area that’s not spelled out in clear black and white in the Bible! Thanks Ashleigh!
JWashington:
Your reply was very meaningful to me too, I’ve had those talks with God, very similiar thoughts have run through my mind. I just turned 24 too so I know it can feel sometimes.
But He really does care! And He does want us to trust Him with every detail of our lives.
*hugs* to you sister.
I am a working girl, who hopes to go to college in the near future. I used to think that I was messing up to get a job and go away to college, but God has showed me differently. I never thought I would be going to college, because I wasn’t interested, but God has showed me His plans aren’t mine. I think some girls take the issue of daughters staying at home wrong. 1) They think that this means they should never work outside the home or go to college and 2) they think that everyone who does those things is going against the teachings of the Bible. There is wisdom in a daughter staying under her father’s authority, and if your family has their own business, working with them is probably a good idea, because as I have found the world isn’t always a friendly place for a single young woman. But, I think you can work out-side the home and still be under your father’s authority. I still live at home, and I think that if I girl can stay at home she should, because women who live alone too long tend have trouble coming under submission to their husbands once they get married because they have gotten so used to doing things alone and their own way. Women were made to be under man’s authority, whether that means the authority of a husband or father. So, staying with your family and submitting yourself to your parents authority is a good thing. Or, if you do leave home, if you can live with a like-minded Chirstian family that is also better then making your way alone. I think college isn’t a bad way to spend your single years either, you just must keep in mind that should God call you to marry, your degree and career will probably need to go on the very back burner. Some women spend years getting a degree and work after they are married and have a family because they spent so much time and money on the degree that they cannot justify not using it and having a career. They do well in their chosen career, but neglect their families. When their kids are grown and gone, they regret their choices and wish they had done things differently. What I am trying to say and not saying well, is, if you can stay at home and still follow God’s calling, do it. And just because you think you hear God’s voice doesn’t mean the devil isn’t decieving you. Seek wisdom from the Christians around you as you seek God’s will for your life. Don’t put down those who are called differently, and encourage every girl you meet to walk closely with the Lord. If you are in close fellowship with Him, He will speak and you will hear His voice (and you will not be decieved) and have His peace in your heart. For me, I plan to go to college for a few years, because the field I am going into calls for it, but though I will not be able to stay at home, I will not be alone either. Then after college I hope to move back home, unless God has some other plan for me. I love being a daughter at home and spending time learning from my parents. Sorry this is so long, and muddled, maybe I will post a full post on this topic some- day soon on my blog.
In Him,
Kaomi
Once again, THANK YOU, Ash!! and a resounding Amen to this Part Two. I have to agree with you 100% on all you wrote and it has encouraged me greatly at where I am in life right now and where God is leading me.
Ashleigh, thank you so much for the biblically sound post and encouragement you have blessed us with. I will more than likely not be a “stay at home daughter” and I know that that might not always be popular but I am determined to follow Jesus where he is presently leading me. Thank you again and may God bless you, your husband, and children.
I concur with Ashleigh’s articles, having entertained many of the same thoughts idolizing marriage and motherhood myself for many years. After awhile, though, they became fetters that hindered me from participating in the life and ministry that God has provided for me.
I been have been a single, stay-at-home daughter and sister for many years now; I am 34, yet the Lord has not provided a husband for yet. My life has not been stagnant either! I been involved in numerous church ministry ventures, worked in a juvenile rehab center for a year, and became an dedicated intercessor for many lost and hurting souls. I have spent ten years of weekends as a wedding cake engineer in my family’s bakery, been a perpetual college student, been a teacher and high school principal for twelve years, been a homeowner and landlord, and just become an aunt for the first time this year! My life is busy and useful in the Kingdom Harvest. I am thankful for my fruitful life, although my heart often wanders into longing for what I do not have. I lay that burden at the foot of my Jesus’ cross, for He sees and hears and answers.
Ashleigh,
Thank you for doing this set of posts. I am on the other end now, having been very happily married for almost 14 years after a long struggle with singleness. I did not marry until I was 29 and was not blessed with a child until I was 39. It was never my intention to delay these things. I had always wanted to be married and have children. But God’s plans were different.
I am glad to see young women writing something to challenge other young women to think about their highest calling – following Christ. Being married is wonderful and being a mom is great. But none of it compares to walking with Christ. And I truly believe God has much more for his beloved and gifted daughters than just passing time, waiting for a husband, house and child.
Oh, Bravo! I am 39 and never been married, and feel very blessed as a single woman. I’ve often found it frustrating that most of the resources for Christian women seeking to follow Jesus in the most sincere way are geared toward wives, mothers, and those looking for a husband. I have placed my marital status in the hands of God, and whether I remain single or eventually marry will be done in obedience to Him. I have a job I enjoy and own my own home, family and friends who love me, and I seldom feel lonely or that I’ve “missed my calling.” Thank you so much for such a respectful, balanced look at what constitutes a calling of God.
Hi Ashleigh,
I really like your post, but what about those girls who are single like me who don’t seem to know what they are supposed to be doing with their ’single’ time? I honestly thought I would have been married by now. In fact, what if I told you that I knew who my future husband is, but yet, he doesn’t know it, or is being stubborn about it? I would have to politely disagree with you about God not calling people to be married, because I was. Yet, I believe I missed my chances. I won’t go into detail, but perhaps you could provide an answer to this question: “if you know that beyond any shadow of a doubt you were supposed to marry a certain person, and he lives in another state, and you had the chance to get to know him at college, but didn’t, how on earth, are you supposed to know whether God will ever bring you together, like He told you?” It’s a honest and agonizing question. Also, if you are in a church that is full of married people, and there’s not many ministries to get involved in that aren’t already full, but you know that God doesn’t want you to leave the church, what are you supposed to do? It’s very difficult to look at people I grew up with who seem so much more ‘mature’ and ‘different’ and ‘grown up’ who are in the church and who are married. People don’t say it, but I feel like I’m being looked down on for being single. Perhaps it’s just my being paranoid. And also, the people who are married in our church are so preoccupied with their own families, that as a single person, it’s easy to feel left out and disconnected from people. Especially when there are other single people in the church who are either working too much that you never see them, or they are not completely focused on the Lord, you know? What is my role in this season of my life? If I’m not supposed to marry, what am I supposed to be doing? Please, any response would be beneficial. Also, it is refreshing and encouraging to me to hear from a married lady who doesn’t believe that “marriage is the highest calling of her life.” Perhaps it’s better that I’m single? I don’t know. I’m just confused about it all.
Thank you so much for this article. I have had my eyes opened to the idol I had made of marriage and motherhood. That is what I have been hoping and planning for my whole life. I read all the books about courtship and modesty and figured that if I was the right kind of girl, God was obligated to give me the husband and ministry I wanted, instead of submitting my future to Christ’s Lordship.
Recently I ended the only relationship I have ever been in because I was trying to “make it work” – to make myself fit with this young man in every way, simply because I was attracted to him, admired his godly character, and essentially wanted to use him to fulfill my dreams of romance, marriage, and the ministry of motherhood. I wanted to prove to him and to God that I was worthy of favor and approval. But I could never measure up to the standard I set for myself. I became depressed and exhausted trying to meet expectations both real and imaginary and felt like a total failure as a “girlfriend” (or whatever you call it – a “courtee?”) and a Christian. I began to doubt my salvation, the reality of the Christian faith, everything! If it were not for Him I would have left the faith!
The Lord has had to remind me that that is the whole point! We ARE total failures! We cannot follow Jesus in His life of sacrifice and self-denial to the point that the Bible demands. If it was up to our hard work and perfection, none of us would be saved. How thankful I am for the Cross of Christ, for His imputed righteousness! That He accepts me, and then changes me Himself, accepting my weak and faltering efforts for Christ’s sake!
So now I am trying to develop a “life plan” that does not require marriage. In other words, instead of doing short-term activities to serve the Lord UNTIL marriage comes along, I want to develop long-term goals for how I can spend my LIFE in His service, even if marriage never comes. This is an impossible task by myself. The Lord has to help me root out this idol from my life. Not that I would be opposed to marriage if the Lord was clearly bringing that into my life, but that my life would not be centered around that as the only way I am willing to serve the Lord with my life.