by Skye Wensing
I have been married for nearly 6 years now, and I love being married to my best friend. But I have to say, marriage is work, a continual working at that. When we got married, an older friend told us, “You won’t just float into a spiritual marriage.” And it’s so true. A strong, spiritual, healthy marriage takes the Lord working and changing and molding you individually and together all along the way. Conflicts come whenever you live this closely with another human being.
Is it worth every minute? Absolutely! Is marriage more wonderful than I ever imagined? Yes and then some.
The more you learn now, the better your marriage will be. So here’s a short list of ways you can prepare your heart to be the godly woman of his dreams:
Learn to trust in the Lord with your whole heart. The Lord is the one who will make your marriage great. I want to emphasize this point of trusting in Him because there will be times in your marriage where you and your husband won’t see eye to eye, and it will be hard for you to submit to his leadership. If you have learned to trust in the Lord for all things, it will make it easier to trust the Lord in and through your husband. You won’t have to strive or chafe–you can just trust in the Lord and be at rest, knowing Who is in control.
Learn to live selflessly, to serve. This kind of goes without saying, I suppose, but it is, in my mind, one of the keys to a wonderful marriage. Marriage, and particularly motherhood, require nothing, if not self-sacrifice. Much of our role as wife and mother is simply meeting the needs of those around you. I count it my sacred calling (and privilege, at that) to lay down my life for my husband and children. To invest in their lives. To make my husband great, and my children spiritual warriors for His kingdom. It is all too easy to fall into the trap of wanting to be married to satisfy our longings and our needs, which has the potential to lead to great disappointment. Be careful not to go into marriage with the desire or expectation to be served, rather than to serve. Real love is laying down our lives, and a truly great marriage is built upon (the Lord first and foremost, of course, but also) self sacrifice. Learn to lay down your life, to submit to others (particularly your parents), to invest in others now, to serve your parents, siblings, friends with the love of Christ, and marriage will be but a smooth transition.
Learn to invest your time wisely. In other words, learn to have and stick to priorities. Before I was married, I used to spend a lot of time online–hanging out on message boards, writing e-mails to friends, and chatting with people all over the country. I had plenty of time then, but hindsight is 20-20. I think back now and question what all that time really did for me. Quite honestly, as much as I enjoyed it, I wish I could go back and invest that time more wisely. Not only because there were far better ways that I could have been spending my time, but also because it formed habits for me that have been hard to break. My time isn’t as free these days with a household to manage and little ones to love and train, and yet I have to struggle against the lure of the online world to keep my priorities straight. I wish I had invested more into the relationships around me, in what really matters and counts for eternity–especially now that I live across the country from my family. Learn good habits now of temperance and putting priority on what really matters, and it won’t be as much of a challenge to take on and keep up with the responsibilities that come with a husband, children, and a household. This time before marriage is a very special time, a wonderful opportunity. Enjoy it. Make the most of it. Seek to serve others. Invest in what truly matters, and use every opportunity to prepare yourself to be the best wife and mother you can be. (And that doesn’t include daydreaming!)
Learn to use your money wisely. I wish I had done more of this as a single girl, when $4 lattes were a daily habit. In most cases, young couples starting out are on a very limited budget, if not downright poor. Learning to be frugal now, to save your money, to deny yourself that extra purchase, will be a great blessing to your husband and future budget! And even if your husband is blessed with a great job and you have a big budget to work within, you will still need the wisdom and grace to be good stewards of that money.
Rather than looking for a man, making your lists, and having all sorts of expectations for any potential suitor, focus your attention and prayers on being the girl that a godly man would want to pursue and marry.
Wow this was beautiful and so true, i struggle with all those
i used to go to an ice cream shop or Starbucks 2-3 times per week, now i go 1 time per week..but the online world is hard habit to break, thanks for the conviction hun!! i will try to be online less, even though i go to good blogs, and email , and weight watcher diet site and email , all good things in themself but too much of anything is NOT GOOD!! i gotta remember that, and i love your last line/paragraph..to stop seeking that mate and to cultivate yourself in Christ and in what MATTERS! thank you so much!!
such a beautiful writing..:)
p.s. Do you have any good specific tips on how to be more frugal with money? to be a better steward with money? i am a spender by nature..please help!
thanks again!
Blessings & HUGS!
In His Love, Jane
Jane, check out the links at the bottom of this post for more money ideas: http://ylcf.org/2009/07/money-and-marriage-gods-way/
Wonderful post! I have been married almost 7 years and can agree with your post!!
For Jane – check out Dave Ramsey’s book The Total Money Makeover! A book we have found fantastic!! http://www.daveramsey.com
Thank you so much! While marriage is still a long ways down the road for me, the four things you listed can help with the relationships I have now with my family and friends, and it is always good to develope good habits early on… I’m printing this list out!
God bless!
Joanna
Thank you so much for your wise advice. As a single young woman sometimes it is easy to get focused on finding someone who meets your expectations rather than working on being the godly wife that he needs. I have personally have a few friends who have gone into marriage with very selfish expectations, and I have seen how destructive that is. I know that I want much more for my marriage.
One of the biggest benefits that I have found in focusing my mind on the right things is to not focus too hard on marriage. Yes I want to be a godly wife someday, but my focus right now is just on being a godly woman. I do think that the Lord will most likely bless me someday with a husband and children whom I can serve and love and lay my self down for. But more than anything, I want to serve the Lord with my entire life. “For your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of Hosts is His name.” Isaiah 54:5
Thanks for such an excellent, timely post!
What wonderful advice!
Thanks for honestly sharing with us what you regret about your single years, so that we can hopefully learn from what you’ve learned… It is so wonderful to have the older women teaching the younger here–just like God commands them to do in Titus 2!
Amen to all you wrote, Skye!!
Excellent advice there!
Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us; I truly do appreciate it.
In fact, I am going to print this to save in my journal for reading often.
Thank you so much for such a great post…you know, I was just recently hoping for some married women to write out advice to us single girls! It’s so important for us to be learning and changing now, before marriage. I know self sacrifice is so crucial, and something I can put into practice now, as I live with my family. I’m printing this off too — I plan on reading it many times over! I’m hoping to see more from married women to prepare us singles.
God bless your role as a wife and mother.
I appreciated this post. Like a lot of people here, I spend a lot of time online, when my schedule provides for it.
It’s such a two-sided coin because I do find the Internet really useful, and I do believe that it provides edification through e-mail to loved ones and certain resources like this site.
But when I think about being married, I certainly don’t want my husband to be more interested in online relationships than in me. And I don’t want to give a message to a potential spouse that I’m okay with it. So I suppose I should practice discipline myself.
It’s hard to imagine now what the effects of online relationships will have on my future marriage. I never really thought it would be a problem as long as I kept my priorities in order. But old habits are hard to break. Thanks for the advice.
Thank you so much for this post. It was such a great reminder.
One of your points was about spending time more wisely. . . are there any things in particular that you wish you would have worked on / done in your extra time? I am at a point where I do not have a full-time job, and I have graduated from college. I have tons of extra time on my hands even though I am very actively involved with things at my church. I’ve been trying to channel my time in wise directions, but I would love to hear what you wish you would have done instead.
Thanks much!
Hi Anna,
Aside from investing in the relationships around you and serving those closest to you, as it sounds like you are doing, I was thinking of the womanly arts when I wrote about using our time wisely.
Learn how to sew, knit, crochet, and all of the other womanly crafty arts! I learned how to sew fairly well before marriage, but looking back now, I really wished I had learned so much more and become truly proficient at all of these. I don’t have the time to learn all that I would love to learn as I sew little skirts and curtains and aprons and fun things for my daughter. And though I learned to both knit and crochet, I am not proficient enough now — years later — to teach my little 5 year old daughter, who is eager to learn.
Learn to cook well and to love cooking. Be creative. Have fun. Gather healthy, tasty recipes. Bake your own bread. Try making yogurt! Experiment and become proficient so that when you have a home of your own, it will be an easy transition to making all of your meals. Learn how to plan meals and menus; practice planning on a budget and bargain shopping. More than likely, your income will be somewhat limited when you marry. Practice hospitality, and learn the fine art of being a gracious hostess!
If you live in the country, learn how to garden, to can and preserve food. This can be a great way to help the food budget! In my teens, our family spent the summer time tending a garden and preserving fruits and vegetables. It was a lot of hard, hot work, but rewarding as well. And there’s something wonderful about gardening that can really speak to the soul about our God and Creator.
Those are what come most readily to mind. The point in all of the above is to invest your time now in the things that will best serve your family when you are married. For me and my vision, that is in being the best wife, best mother, and best homemaker I can possibly be.
Once you get married and have children, our time is very limited. There are many things I’d love to research–many books I’d love to read on motherhood, marriage, homemaking, theology, nutrition, etc.–but I lack the time to really dive in. I am investing right now in the lives of my family, and that is what is most important. You, however, have the time, and I think it’s wonderful that you want to use it wisely. Dive in! And seek the LORD for His wisdom, to know which (if any) would be right for you.
Being just recently married myself, I have to agree with all you wrote, Skye. Even though I am married to the most wonderful, forgiving man on earth
, I have still had to make small changes in my priorities, and will continue to, I know. As you mentioned in your first paragraph, the most important thing is committing yourself to Christ, and allowing the Holy Spirit to change your heart. If there are things you feel you must change in, married or unmarried, it is probably the Spirit convicting you, and the best thing to do is to pray about it and to ask others to pray for you, as well. I have found from experience that self-changing is very difficult and often disappointing, but allowing the Lord to change yourself is a different matter entirely!
So I pray for encouragement upon any of you young ladies who read this and who may feel discouraged because of flaws and/or misplaced priorities—we all have them! Me just as much as any of you…. it is impossible to be perfect, or to change everything all at once. Just give it over into God’s hand and trust that He will show you at the proper time what He would have you to do. Sometimes He uses blog posts to do just that!
God bless you all, and thank you for a very truthful, helpful and convicting post, Skye. Good work.
Rebecca
Thank you Skye for such an excellent article that will greatly benefit us single women as well as the married.
In the past few years, the Lord has shown me different areas in my life that needed to be more disciplined in preparation for what I believe to be His calling for my life. Specifically investing my time wisely and serving wholeheartedly, putting others before me.
Thanks!
Your article really touched me, Skye. Thank you for taking the time to write it for us young ladies!
I have recently come to realize that I have sadly neglected many areas in my life that you talked about, specifically serving unselfishly and using my time wisely. It’s so wonderful to hear from a married woman and understand that these aren’t only going to affect me now, but in the future as well. I pray that the Holy Spirit would work in me and change my heart.
~Michelle~
Thanks so much! I too am saving this list!
As a newlywed I find this post to be incredibly encouraging and helpful! Thank you!
this is great Skye! thank you for taking the time to write advice for us unmarried girls. I love hearing from those that are married and hearing advice for my time now. Thank you!