Watch out for Wolves! (Part Two)

This post is second in a two-part series on the dangers of the counterfeit in relationships. (Part One is here.)

Like many young ladies in a similar situation, when I was about 18, I made a list of the things I would like in a spouse. Very reasonable, indispensable things, which I will not bore you or betray my trivialness with. But five years later, after some little experience and a lot of observation, I made another list. It had one item on it. I asked the Lord to bring me the godliest man He could find. A man who aimed to be like Jesus, humble, manly in meekness, devoted to God body and soul. With tears in my eyes, I want to tell you that He did just that. And in an extra effervescence of His love for me, He went back to those sweet little things I had asked for in my naivety and He threw them in as well. And more—so much more that my husband overshot my ideals much as a full-blown rose garden does a picture of a rose in a magazine.

The outward credentials I observed in the man that would one day be my husband did not come from the man himself. They came from everyone that knew him—from the playful ribs of his roommates to the affectionate admiration of life-long friends. They came from the genuine love I sensed in him while watching him minister the love of Christ in a way that would have seemed easy had it not been for the cost he had obviously paid of his whole life. They were presented to me in the way that he responded to my family and my friends, to his family, to children and to animals (don’t laugh—surely a man’s treatment of the ‘least of these’, the ones most vulnerable to mistreatment and most unable to reciprocate in purely human terms, sheds a light on the real instincts of his heart that might not otherwise be seen).

Literature and life alike are scattered with histories of men and women who failed to recognize the mate of genuine worth until it was too late. So many angels of light masquerade as the real deal, it can be baffling to a young woman—particularly a young woman whose affections are already engaged—to distinguish the counterfeit from the genuine. But romance is not a game, much as the standards of this world would like to convince you otherwise, and the things that might be somewhat niggling before you marry will inflate into giants of intolerability under the magnified intimacy of daily life together. You must be courageous enough to demand not perfection, but a rigorous, relentless honesty, in your intended as well as in yourself. You must be willing to walk away if the man’s professions don’t match up to what you know to be true of the character of the Christ-like. For at the end of the day, the only one who is going to have to answer for your choices is…you.

If one of the sheep wanders off and gets tangled in a thicket, all Juno and Di can do is bark like crazy till their shepherd is alerted to the problem. Juno can’t administer an herbal drench, much as she would like to, based on the way she whinnies and whines outside of the stall if a sheep so much as coughs. Only the shepherd can do that. The inexorable barking the breed is known for might seem excessive, if not downright annoying to the uninitiated (or to the neighbors ). But my sheep have recognized it as their safety. One of the loveliest sights I have witnessed in this shepherding adventure is the way that the animals all scurry to be near the dogs when a threat is perceived. They flock together, for ages of instinct have taught them that it is the sheep alone that is in danger.

As Anne Shirley learned, Tennyson by firelight is not enough. Neither are glib quotations of Scripture. Neither is a degree from a Bible college or a record of ‘high standards’. It is much easier to accrue a list of approved ‘spiritual’ credentials than it is to get up every day and try to live as Jesus would. Beware of the man that has not learned to control his feelings, his tongue, his hands. Treat the concerns of those who love you best and most disinterestedly with respectful consideration. Haunt the Throne Room with your prayers for wisdom. And be willing to walk in the wisdom revealed.

Above all, love what the Lord God Himself loves:

For man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. (I Samuel 16: 7)

Further reading:
Mr. Right
Ideals and Expectations, Part One and Part Two
God’s truth and Red Flags, Part One and Part Two
how a man…