Setting Him Before Us

That is my verse today. I have it sitting up against my computer in front of me, where I can glance at it often and remember where my focus ought to be. I find it gives me such strength to keep this kind of a reminder in front of me while I work- strength to meet the stresses, demands and keep Him ever before me. It helps me to remember to keep the balance between work and life, and makes my moments between calls exceedingly precious as I read and pray and contemplate Him, and who He is.

It makes me feel so small, so insignificant, when I see Him, His life, and the sacrifice that He made for Love… love to someone like me who often wounds and who often fails and does not listen to His gentle voice calling to my heart. Love to those who will never love Him, love strong enough to die for those who hated Him. And to think… He will give me that kind of love, too, if I let Him. I keep thinking about Hind’s Feet on High Places and the seed of Love that the Shepherd planted in Much Afraid’s heart. Oh, how I long to see that flower blooming in my own heart, yet… how wise it is of God to make it so that we cannot see for ourselves the flower, only it slowly changes our lives until we are not the same.

Time and time again, I pray that God will make me beautiful at heart. It matters little what outward beauty I could have… if I can just be beautiful at heart, beautiful in His eyes, oh, how happy I would be. But the struggle is always there- self wants to crush beauty, and sometimes it is hard to let go of opinions, ideas, dreams, to let harsh and cutting words be spoken, and remain silent, to feel misunderstood, yet offer no defense. There is much work to be done in my heart.

Yet it is so beautiful to see that He does work, He does change us. This past year has taught me in ways that I never knew how the days of my life, the struggles I faced, were preparations for this moment. And I am thankful–for every tear, for every struggle, for every victory. It gives me so much more courage to face the ones that lay ahead, and know that by His grace, through His strength, I shall conquer.