God has helped me. He’s listened to all my cries from my heart, as I weep because–well, I’m not sure why. But I have wanted to marry a specific man. He saw my crestfallen face as I heard that he loved someone else. He’s seen how over and over again I love someone in my own funny way and they turn around and choose someone else, often marrying them. Over and over and over again…
I talked to God about the state of my heart today. I was heavy hearted, frustrated, jealous, and not content with where I am. He showed me a picture of a sandcastle: a rather ornate little sandcastle. This is my dreams, my fantasies I create when I choose someone. I think about them, imagine something happening and create a castle of sorts on the sand.
That man has never been the one God has for me. But for some reason it was more fun to have a castle of sand than no castle at all.
But He showed me another picture. This time I saw a real castle: a real solid structure with bricks–solid bricks. This is what He has for me. Notice the future tense. “Has” if I will only wait and hope in Him. Someday He will give this to me. This place and these dreams He has for me.
I can let the ocean come and knock my little castles into the ocean, wash them away…wash away the dreams. The dreams that have been trampled on. The unsolid dreams that never were going to amount to much anyways. The dreams that have brought so much discontentment, pain, and turmoil.
They were only sand. Ornate in the fact of all the time and energy I put into them, but they were my dreams, not the dreams God has for me. They were fantasies not the truth, not the reality God will place in my life in His time. He already has the blueprint. He has the bricks and the mortar. He’s building a foundation in my life to build this castle.
Why do I keep building my little sandcastles on shifting sand that the ocean will soon pull into its cold and salty self? I look down the beach and see so many castles. And the rain of my tears can wash them all away as I relinquish my dreams again and wait and let God build the real thing.
28 Comments
I’m so sorry!!! I know how you feel. I’m 26 and still so very single. I feel your anxiety. I’ll pray for you.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart! Far too often I have taken to building sand castles instead of trusting God to build the castle of His plan! It is so hard to wait – but God adds an abundant measure of sweetness to those who choose to wait for His best – and be content with His timing. God bless you for giving this timely reminder!
As a 28 year old single, still waiting with no one in sight, I feel your hurt.
Thank you so much. It is very comforting to know that I am not the only one who’s lonely. I’ll be praying for you.
Almost 24…still single. I’ve met sooo many godly, wonderful girls through blogging who desire marriage and children, but no men seem to be in sight. Makes me wonder where all the godly men are hiding…reveal yourselves! *kidding!*
I enjoyed this post. It’s always painful to have your “sandcastles wash away into the ocean”, but I’m thankful that “The mind of man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps.” (Prov 16:9)
Hang in there, single sisters – keep trusting!
I’m 35 and still single and waiting longingly for the day God will bring that special person into my life. I feel you hurt because I’ve lived it, but like you I’m still trusting that one day he will bring that person into my life.
Thanks for sharing that, you expressed exactly what I feel. You’ll be in my prayers! ~ Lynette
Thank you for sharing your heart ! I understand and feel your hurt – I’ve lived that too in the last few years – I am 31 years old now and “never been chosen by a man” especially a very godly one. But in the last year – since I’ve turned 30 : ) – I have truly accepted the fact that maybe the ’solid castle’ of God for me is not marriage. So …I am happy with whatever He chooses for me – and until now He has chosen a life of singlessness for me. My heart is ready to dedicate and love a man, like it is already doing that with God and other people. But if He doesn’t provide me with a family, I am truly happy! My happiness is Him alone, not circumstances and other relations.
From my own experience, I think that hurt comes from the heart that is not crucified (the ego crucified with Christ) and has many strong personal desires, that are not surrended to God’s choices and will.
Dear sister, I will pray for you what I pray for me as well: that your and my heart and all I am is dead (It’s not me who lives but Christ in me) and only Him and His plans, and His life, and His character live in me ! Then we find true happiness and joy.
Be blessed,
Roxi
Wow, that was exactly what I needed to hear today. I was just crying out to God this morning about this very thing. I really liked the analogy of the sandcastles. Thank you so much! I can completely relate to everything you said here. I’m also in my twenties and have never had a relationship, and I have very much felt the pain of the man I cared for in love with someone else. It is a lonely place sometimes. But I have a beautiful picture in my mind of my godly husband, and I truly trust that someday a real, live man will slowly fit into that picture. And it’s a wonderful place to be, to trust God for it all. I have felt so close to God through all of the pain.
Thanks so much to this anonymous writer. Her perspective offered exactly the encouragement I needed at the moment I came upon this post. Just to know someone else feels the same way is comforting, but to have our thoughts turned toward the One in whom all of our hopes and dreams rest is uplifting.
God bless you.
I really relate…Thank you so much for sharing…God bless you
What a blesssing to read this article, and oh, how true!
May we continue to wait and trust in, and obey the One who acts on our behalf. He is Faithful.
“For since the beginning of the world men have not heard nor perceived by the ear, nor has the eye seen any God besides You, Who acts for the one who waits for Him”
Isaiah 64:4 NKJ
~Joanna
Hi, I’m from Brazil and I simply adored your post about the sound of music (I think it was in 2006).
Congratulations!
Come on, don’t be worried about beeing single. You’ll find someone! I’m sure about that! Everything’s gonna be all right with you, my dear.
God bless you!!!
Wow. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this …
I can appreciate your pain, having married at 30 after a decade of waiting. Let me say one thing though; and that is, while marriage IS wonderful and dream-fulfilling; it’s also dream-shattering too. Our dreams in our little minds are daily shattered as we MUST learn to die to self and live with another sinful human. Marriage is too glamorized in many ways; and the reality of it (even with a wonderful godly man!)can be hard to handle. Singleness is SO so hard–I know–but marriage is SO so hard too! The joys are great but so are the sacrifices. God tells us that in His word–that married people will have trouble in the flesh. So don’t despair….please….pain is part of living; whether single or married, we must learn to live with it. No man on earth can know and satisfy the desires and expectations of our hearts; because God is the only One who won’t fail and won’t fall. May God bless you with wisdom and a peaceful heart.
Thank you for sharing this sister.
WOW this was the article i needed to hear and minister from today.
What an a amazing story!
And such sweet amazing comments you girls gave of your own single life…I really can relate and love what Roxi said..it’s true marriage is not for everyone, that’s what i’m afraid God’s will maybe for me to stay single…I do have a feeling from the LORD only this, that HE will give me the Godly man that i so dream of but like with sand castles my dreams of that man are not what God’s dreams are…:) What I mean is HE wants that perfect partner for me to make not only myself happy but the man and God happy.
Not for my own ego, but to bring glory to God with that sanctified relationship–marriage.
He THE LORD knows when we are all ready..and he will give us that love we so long for ONLY when we are ready and when that partner is ready too..IT will all come in due time girls, stay patient and vigilant..and most of all be glad and joyous with the Lord…trust in HIM and make HIM first, not any man but the Lord first.
Amd men do fail us when the Lord never does…i totally agree with one of the anonymous posters…
She said…
“No man on earth can know and satisfy the desires and expectations of our hearts; because God is the only One who won’t fail and won’t fall.”
that’s so very true…i think WHEN and only WHEN we are completely surrendered to God and when we totally depend UPON the Lord and when we are ready to make that permanent sandcastle and when it’s according to God’s will..that’s when God will send us that Godly man that will fit into His divine plan.
But honestly some of us HE may be calling for something else, maybe a life of chastity, maybe for us to just enjoy our single years and serve him fullily at a convent or as a sister or just as a friend to others..Everyone has a different calling..please be patient dear sisters in Christ..God does have the perfect plan the perfect plan for his dear daughters..Do no despair and do not give up, HE Will give us always what WE need not what we always want BUT what we do need.
So Amen to all the other girls!!
Be patient dear friends!
God will provide!
Amen!
Take care everyone!
blessings and may peace be with you all!
To God be all glory!
PTL
In Him, Jane.
How beautiful…This is so timely for me.
“. . .they were my dreams, not the dreams God has for me.”
–that rang so true, sounding just like something I’ve written in my journal. Also, the writer and any readers might find comfort as I have in Twila Paris’s song, “I Will Listen,” part of which says, “And I will listen to His voice
Could it be that He is only waiting there to see
If I will learn to love the dreams
that He has dreamed for me ”
This post is a tremendous encouragement to me, having seen a broken sandcastle wash fully away very recently. Since I’ve walked through the pain of a broken courtship, the fire of love & loss, I can sympathize with some of the writer’s pain–although I’m 7 years younger.
Dear sisters, keep at the front of your mind the fact that Christ is our ultimate Husband (the Church is His Bride), and if He calls us to serve Him without a husband, He is not doing it whimsically to cause us pain, but lovingly for our own better good and His glorious purpose for us. It doesn’t seem so glorious, I grant you, but–”I do not consider the sufferings of this present time to be worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed”.
For myself, as much as I long for a husband to love & be loved by, and for children to train & delight in, I have been led to lay this in the hands of God fully, and to accept that He may have me to be unmarried for some years, if not my whole life. He has showed me a path of humble service to my family & others that, if followed obediently, I am confident will enrich me and bring me joy, even if the rose has thorns.
It is a daily struggle to keep my eyes on Him and not on my dear dreams, or even on others’ fulfilled ones. But I believe that His strength will be made manifest in my weakness, and that in faith I can walk this road–and I have the same confidence for all of you, dear sisters, because is founded in the LORD–the Almighty of Heaven and Earth, and the Rock & Shelter to which you may continually come.
In Christ’s love,
JoAnna
You know, it’s not just you single girls who build sandcastles in your minds. We married girls have to resist the temptation to do that as well. It’s so easy when you’re single to imagine how wonderful it will be to find “the one”, but like someone else said, marriage is hard. I would say to all the single ladies, ask God now to help you discern the difference between dreams and fantasies. For example:
godly man: dream
perfect man who’s wildly romantic, yet dependable and always knows what you need without having to be told: uh, fantasy. Ask me how I know this.
Right now God is teaching me to be content with my husband of 13 years and stop trying to change him or dreaming of ways he might improve. He’s not perfect (neither am I), and that’s okay. I’m learning, finally, what it means to be his helpmeet. It’s great to build him up instead of criticize him, and I think I would have learned all of this sooner if my expectations had been reasonable, instead of building such a dreamworld in my mind.
Anyway, I pray for all of you single girls that you would continue to wait on God. I’ve read this blog for a while and you girls seem so much better prepared for marriage than I was. God is in control. He won’t let you down!
Have you ever been 26 years old and still so very single? -Yes, I am 26 right now.
Had a kiss stolen? -never.
Held hands with a man in mutual affection? Never.
Ever been chosen by a man? -No, never.
Been waiting a long time? A very long time. Sometimes this time seems like it will go on forever.
But…”Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say,on the Lord” Psalm 27:14
I am still learning to trust His goodness. Even just in the last week I made a decision to stop letting being single hinder me from living in the full freedom of a life in Christ.
I keep a file of quotes on my computer which I call “Single Encouragement” and I knew as soon as I read this post that it would be going in there too.
I know that you will realize your heart’s desire well in advance of my friend. She, however, is being married in two weeks for the first time–at 51 years of age! And what a gift to her and all of who know her. I myself found my sweetheart at 38. I know from personal experience that it is hard to be lonely until then, and I had several disappointments along the way. God is good. You are in my prayers.
I couldn’t help thinking of the parable Jesus told–how the foolish man builds sandcastles while the wise man builds his life on Jesus.
I know that’s not quite the way He told it, but my mind melded your story and His. Trust in Yahweh and He will give you the desires of your heart has been on my mind much in the last year or so–not as a promise that He’ll give us whatever we want, but that He will make our desires pleasing to Him! In His presence is fullness of joy! We wait on Yahweh, not a husband. We are complete in Yahweh, not in marriage. Someday, I hope the Lord will bring you into a relationship that mirrors His with His church. In the mean time, be encouraged! Yahweh is your kinsman redeemer. He is your lover. Only He can satisfy your every longing. Only He offers undefiled love. He makes the barren woman delight! He makes the destitute woman rejoice. More are the children of the destitute woman, than of her who has a husband! Yahweh has really broken through to me lately to delight in my single years as a special time alone with Him, and a time when I am free to reach out to others, to serve others, to pour His love into others–spiritual children. Yahweh is perfect in all His ways. May His peace that passes understanding rest on all the women who hold only His hand today!
A valuable lesson that I have learned over the years(and still keep reminding myself of) is that you can’t be content somewhere else until you are content where you are. We are all humans that are sinful and live in a sinful world! We all have desires for things that we cannot have! Did you know that the “Perfect church” was closed due to a lack of members?
But if we would only delight ourselves in the Lord, His will would become our will and life will become so much more enjoyable!
It is very hard to die to ourselves and our desires. (believe me I know!) But it is so worth it! Look for the joys in life, and count your blessings! God has already given us SO much!May God bless you with His peace as you remember that He loves you more than any earthly man ever could!
This article resonates with me. I am 32 and “never been kissed,” never dated, or been in love. I have never “seen myself” with any particular guy. I have been solitary, along with my sisters, in our pursuit of holiness and loveliness that is altogether lost in our society.
Let us all have hope and not be weary in our well doing!!! My older sister Cori is marrying her sweetheart Brian next Saturday. They have known each other a year now; he is a local boy, born and raised right down the road from us. Their paths crossed vaguely several times over the last 15 years, but they did not recognize one another until they were matched by a modern-day matchmaker. They are so very happy. Cori is 37.
So, don’t give up. Keep your life busy in work and ministry to others. This too shall pass, all in God’s good time, even though we may not understand or agree with it!
Some additional thoughts about the topic and what I meant previously:
1. the motivation of our heart – completely surrender to God’s will. I agree completely with Jane that said
“HE wants that perfect partner for me to make not only myself happy but the man and God happy.
Not for my own ego, but to bring glory to God with that sanctified relationship–marriage.”
Yes, every godly woman wants her marriage to be for the glory of God.
Still, let’s check our heart deep, deep inside: If our heart is really surrendered only to that, then why are we frustrated, depressed, jealous, sad because for this years, God seems to say that His glory is best revealed in us by our godly singleness ??? A truly surrendered heart would say: I am thrilled that I bring You glory through my life of godly unmarried lady; I could give You glory in a godly marriage too, I could be part of a wonderful, pale image of the love between You and Your Church. But that would be an extra, wonderful bonus to my already very happy life with You !
2. are we really “ready” for marriage? Do we really know what it is to love people, to sacrifice oneself, self-denial, agape-love, unconditional commitment, support, encouragement, forgiveness, patience etc ? Are we developing all of this in our relationship with God and family, brothers and sisters in Church, friends, colleagues? If not, is is very unlikely to be able to have this kind of character with your mate. If we are, then these virtues already are building true joy and fulfillment in our lives – marriage only will amplify those things.
3. why do we want to get married? To be the living image of love between Christ and the Church for the world? To grow in holiness and character and divine wisdom like in no other most intimate human relationship? To love and serve your mate, to help and support him, and fulfill together the specific plan of God for your family into this world? Or to be like everyone else who raised a family, not to remain single, fear of the future, need to be loved, appreciated…?
I think the answers to these questions will influence a lot our future – as married or unmarried godly women.
May God work in us, in our heart and character, and prepare each one of us for the plan and the future that He has in mind, which is the most glorifying for Him ! Amen !!!
I am 22 and single (and waiting). While I FULLY agree that we single women must wait and submit to God’s will and timing patiently, I sense that something is missing from the view expressed by many of these commenters. I believe that each woman today was created to be a helpmeet to a man, just as Eve, the first woman (Gen 2). I also believe that marriage should be the default (in God’s timing) for every woman, given 1. God’s command to be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1) and 2. the desire for intimacy/battle against lust that God has created in us, which Paul counsels us to respond to by getting married (I Cor. 7, first few verses [I think]). (There are women to whom God gives the gift of celibacy, but I believe they are a minority). So, most of us can say with faith and certainty that God wants us to marry someday. So what are you doing about it? What man in your life (father, brother) might you practice being a helpmeet to? (You know, they might know more godly men than you do, because [as I have seen] we tend to draw most of our friends from our own gender).
That’s all the time I have now, but I hope to provoke some good thoughts.
TJ
Dear beautiful ladies whose hope is in the Lord, and whose God-given deams have not yet come to pass,
I would like to encourage you to not grow weary in doing good. I am 28, been on one date, never been kissed, have vowed to save that gift for the man God has hand-picked for me. Sometimes, my flesh can’t help but wonder WHERE ON EARTH IS HE?! And why is it taking so long?! But God’s grace is sufficient, and He comforts me with His Word. He has a plan for each of you. He is WITH you. He has called Himself “HUSBAND” to you. He has NOT forgotten you!! I offer a free magazine to ladies just like you who need encouragement as you wait on the Lord to bring about His perfect will in His perfect time. You can learn more about it on the blog; http://www.watchingforthemorning.org/blog
May Jesus renew your strength as you wait on Him with all your heart!
Love,
Candace