click here to read “Seasons of Singleness – Part One”
Why Waiting?
From our perspective, some waiting is purposeful, and some waiting is purposeless. Waiting at 13 isn’t easy, but at least it’s the way it’s supposed to be. Frankly, we feel that a family-hearted woman who is still not married at 30 is not the way it’s supposed to be. The fact that my 33 year old friend has been married for 6 years without children is not the way it’s supposed to be. The fact that (barring a miracle) Joni Eareckson Tada will spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair is not the way it’s supposed to be.
Elisabeth Elliot defines suffering as “Having something you don’t want, or wanting something you don’t have.” Everybody has suffering. Even courting, engaged, and married women. Suffering is not the way it’s supposed to be, but it’s part of living in a fallen world. It doesn’t make sense, but God doesn’t try to make it make sense to us. To the oxymoron of a boil-covered, bereaved righteous man in the book of Job, the only answer He gave was Himself.
If it’s hard to see God, try watching for Him in the lives of His suffering children. See the beauty? See the platform for His glory? Are you picking up that incredible fragrance that starts you thinking about heaven? That’s not the answer to suffering: God is. But at least it reminds you of Him. And He is always the way He is supposed to be.
It’s easy to feel a twinge of pain when you encounter the happiness of courting and married friends. Perhaps you want to turn to cynicism: oh, it isn’t as good as it looks. Perhaps you just want to check out of their lives. Or perhaps you may see a picture of God’s heart: this is what He wants to do for all His children. This is what He wants to do for you.
I love the powerful imagery of Psalm 78, where notable among the afflictions of God’s people was the fact that “their virgins had no marriage-song.” What did God care? Well, “then the Lord awoke as one out of sleep, like a mighty man that shouts… and he smote his adversaries backward.” He cared, all right.
I love the powerful wording of the book of Ruth. She appeals to Boaz for help, and he immediately strides off to the city to take up her cause. No wonder Naomi says to Ruth, “Sit still my daughter, for the man will not rest until he has completed the thing today.” That’s God’s heart for you.
This is the secret that has revolutionized my waiting: He is not waiting. He is working on my behalf right now! Why am I still waiting? Because His plan is deeper, broader and more powerful than this one aspect and this one life, and He won’t stop until all things are the way they’re supposed to be. Even if that means I need to wait.
Reality Check
I went to visit a good friend the other night: she’s my age… and has five adorable children. She is everything I should be most jealous of, but it isn’t just jealousy that Mary provokes me to. Of course, bumping against her life (They wake up six times a night??!) reminds me of all that is good about mine, and that provokes me to thankfulness. Bumping against her life matures and re-stokes my childhood vision for motherhood: it’s costly and it’s precious in God’s sight. Remember how the Bible tells us to “provoke one another to love and good works”? Well, Mary provokes me to serious preparation for the answer to my prayers!
Thank you so much, Elisabeth.
Maybe one of the reasons for you having to wait that long is to encourage (YLCF)girls like me right now… I feel so overwhelmed sometimes by the inside and outside pressures, so tired of waiting, and I’m only 21!
anyway, I’ve really enjoyed your posts lately; and these particular words just hit so close to home that I’ve (unintentionally:) almost learnt them by heart…
‘Such are the surprises of life with Jesus: it is more painful and more joyful then your imagination can ever predict. It’s hardly worth the time, then, to break your heart over an imagined future (good or bad) because it won’t be that way.’
Once again, a hearty thank you!
May our Lord bless you abundantly!
God just has a great way of gentlely reminding me of these principles. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing from your heart!
Bless you dear!
Thank you again! I need to be encouraged, reminded, and assured that God is working on my behalf! Blessed assurance!!!!
I appreciated your article, Elisabeth–both this part and the last one. I didn’t meet my “prince” until I was 27, so I had what seemed to me like “too long” to experience the “suffering” that singleness seemed. Yet the Lord was faithful, and before I met him, I was able to yield my dreams to the only One who knows us completely and knows what’s good for us. When I met my husband, I found that indeed–God had been using that time of my waiting to do a deep work in my husband’s life to prepare him for me.
It’s a conscious choice to be content where we are right now, and sometimes we have to make that choice several times a day. Now I have a beautiful baby girl and a lovely little home and a wonderful husband, yet I find that at times I still have to make the choice to be content. If we learn to be content where we are RIGHT NOW, we will be able to be content all our lives and be a fragrance to others of the Lord’s goodness. I would encourage you (and my other single friends) to continue to use this time to draw close to your heavenly Lover and let Him prepare you for whatever comes next. He is a good Father!
Cindy (friend of Skye’s in WPB)
Elisabeth, thank you so much for sharing your heart.
This website has been such an encouragement to me. What a blessing it is to hear from young women in many different stages of life, and to know that through all our differences we all share the same purpose – to love and glorify our Lord.
Thank you for the timing of these posts. As the world prepares for Valentine’s Day (and I do not), your timely posts are a place where my heart can find solace and rest while being encouraged and gaining faith.
- B
Elisabeth,
Thanks, dear! There’s one verse in the Bible saying that the waiting of the righteous shall turn into joy – and I hope you’ll experience this, although I hope even more that your (and my) time of waiting will be over very soon!
Thank you very much for what you said about suffering, singleness, and the choice/struggle to be content! So many precious aspects in one post…
Thanks so much, Elisabeth.
And thanks also to Cindy for her comments.
Cindy,
Your comments are very much appreciated! I am currently 27 and the hard-learned lessons of contentment and patience are finally sinking in. In fact, the beauty and blessings of being a maiden outside of the marriage relationship – in service to her father’s house and in the Lord’s vineyard, are sweeter than ever!
If this is the year that God allows me to meet my “prince”, I no longer regret all the years I have spent waiting for him. Come to think of it, has it really been that long – 10 years! – since I was 17?! I trust that it is well worth the wait and my “prince” and I will be better prepared to love one another and serve God together in greater harmony.
As time passes and the longer we have given our heart solely to our Lord, the more precious this time becomes to us. We are truly free to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and soul… and pour out our love in service to family, friends and family in the Lord.
As Elisabeth indicated, when we see what reality has to offer on the “other side”, life still places trial, hardship and imperfection on the path through marriage. Seek to enjoy, no, cherish blessed maidenhood today – it may not be long before this time is behind us!
Thank you to Elisabeth and others for sharing your thoughts on this topic – especially during a season in which the focus is on romance. There is nothing wrong with being single. Rather than seeing this season as a time of suffering, we can focus on enjoying the abundant blessings of our maiden years.
~Jenna
Elisabeth,
How true! I know all too well what you mean about encountering the happiness of courting and married friends. Just last week I was reminded by the Lord of His great goodness in other’s lives, AS WELL as mine. I had just read an e-mail from a friend, in which she shared with me the exciting progress in growth, of her second child within her. At the end of the letter she truthfully proclaimed, ‘God is good!’
At first I thought, ‘of course she can say that, she has everything I ‘think’ is good’, but thankfully after a wonderful reminder from the Faithful One, I saw even more clearly the goodness of the Lord in MY life. Though I may not have have what I want right now, I have what I need, and God is working on our behalf and He is always good!
Thank you for sharing your heart!
~Joanna
Thank you so very much for this post! I recently learned about another friend that has started a courtship, and I have been struggling with why I’m still waiting. These words were so timely (God has a way of doing that)that I have renewed hope and encouragement that God is working while I wait. So thank you so much!!
MMmm. I love these reminders of God’s faithfulness. I spent a good amount of time in the past longing for a husband, but the more I get to know God the more I can see His love for me in my life now, and it is so sweet I begin to forget that I ever wanted something else. Let’s always remind each other of His satifying love! Thank you for doing that here. I love YLCF!!!