Children as Blessings?

But they were loud. In the booth behind me… and because I’m a pregnant mom, “mom talk” catches my ear whether I want it to or not. I found it hard to let my mind trail onward to dream land when their conversation hit home so hard… or rather, it hit my heart hard. So yeah, I guess I was eavesdropping with no intent to.

They were around my age, maybe early thirties at the most. I’m for details so yeah, I noticed when I walked in what they looked like before I even sat down. Hair was perfect, jewelry in place, very put together. Conversation went something like this:

“…that’s it. I’m DONE. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had time for myself since our baby was born… can’t remember the last time I just sat in Barnes and Noble and read and had a good time…two children is enough for anyone. I’d wanted a boy this time, but my husband always wanted two girls…”

“…yeah, I know what you mean… my husband wants a boy though…”

“Now Kate is in preschool most days, but now with a baby, I NEVER sleep… and you know, the more kids you have the higher the risk! There really is risk to your health to have children. It’s not safe really after two…the risk just goes up… not to mention it is way harder getting my figure back this time around!”

The second girl was pregnant. She talked of her pregnancy, her doctor, picking out names and such and then the conversation returned…”

“I don’t see any purpose in having three when I already get frustrated with my two… I mean, I want happy children.”

“…yeah, and you want to be happy too…” her listening pregnant friend replied.

“Right, and so I’ve told him we’re done and that’s that. I’m content… though I’m really hard up when I think like when can I go shopping and have fun again?!”

“…I had the hardest time just having one. Huge transition. So maybe with this one I’ll make it better than with the first one… but I never get my coffee on time even with one. I have this friend who has three and she doesn’t have time to go anywhere anymore, not at all!”

The conversation went on and on as I ate and then finished up. I sat there and stared out the large window across the parking lot at the store that caught my eye, “Maternity Works.” I thought about the last time I sat in Barnes and Noble… have I ever sat in Barnes and Noble and read? When I got married and started having kids Barnes and Noble was new on the horizon! Yes, and then I remembered. I’d gone in Barnes and Noble about two years ago looking for the thickest baby name book they had to offer. There were names it it like Cabela and Zazeria.

I felt my baby kick about that point. I thought about how these women would think I was insane if they only knew. I thought about how much I would have missed if after Shelton there were no more… no Christian Soldier, no Morgan Bliss, no Caedman Stanley, affectionately known as “Bubbie.” No baby inside of me enjoying the strawberry malt.

As they got up to leave, the woman pushed her newborn in the Hummer style stroller right up next to me at my table so she could get her bags and purse. She was decked out in pink. She was beautiful. She hadn’t made a sound the whole time I’d been there, yet she was awake. She had big brown eyes. She wore the cutest hat – most likely GAP. I hope it’s on sale when this baby is born in the spring

I couldn’t help but glance up and ask, “How old is your baby?” After all, the baby was less than a foot from me and I was staring at her.

“She’s two months,” the woman replied as she picked up her things.

“She’s very peaceful. What’s her name?” I asked.

“Carolina.”

It seemed to just come out of my mouth automatic as I glanced down at the tiny bundle again, “I’m having a girl.”

The two women looked at me and smiled and one said, “It’s nice to have a girl first. I did.”

I thought quick, thinking of their conversation, “This is my second girl…” and then I added after a breath, “I have four boys.” I looked her in the eye and a smile crept over my face. I wonder if I resembled something similar to Goofy at that point.

Their eyes popped out of their heads, the lady with the stroller just turned around and walked away! The other lady, pregnant, not hiding her shock took a step closer and almost in a whisper asked, “Do you ever have time for yourself?”

I said something like, “Now and then…I am right now! But one day, ya know, they’ll all be gone. My oldest is 8. It seems he was just a baby – it goes by fast… I’m enjoying it… it’s worth it… I love my kids so much… I’m excited about this baby… I don’t think I’ll ever wish I didn’t have these children — time for myself or not.”

And I reached in my purse and pulled out a picture of the five kiddos and handed it to her. She looked at the picture and asked me all their names and ages. She said, “They look very happy.”

“They are most of the time,” I laughed (as I thought of the unhappy times they can have too!) “I’m happy.” I said, “Because of Jesus Christ…”

She turned and glanced towards her friend pushing the stroller up and down outside and handed the picture back.

I stood to leave and added something like, “Congratulations on your baby. Don’t worry, two isn’t that hard, really! You ‘ll do fine. Enjoy them. You’ll have plenty of years to sleep and sleep, and shop and all that. Before you know it they’ll both be grown. It will be quiet then.”

And it was a quiet ride home.

I know medium size families aren’t for everyone. Large ones for probably fewer. Some God has one or two for. Some can’t have children. There is nothing spiritual about having a lot of children. There is nothing more holy. In certain situations you may even call it “less holy.” God didn’t make us all a like in personality or any other way. He intends different size families for different folks.

Take the view the more the better, more “blessing” more “right” — then people such as Sarah in the Bible, Esther, and others, as well as women such as George Muller’s wife, Elizabeth Elliott, Amy Carmichael, Nancy Lee De Moss and there are many, many more you would have to dismiss as “missing God’s will for their lives.”

In and of itself, having “lots” of kids is nothing to be praised. It can be less holy, less right, less of God’s will — if for the wrong motive, selfish gain in some way, or for affirmation, for your self-worth as a woman… or how about keeping up with someone else? There are as many wrong reasons to have children as there are wrong reasons to not have them. Along with right reasons on either end

It’s about walking by the Holy Spirit. It’s about relationship with God, hearing His voice, being willing to listen and obey which ever way He leads you in as a couple.