If you want to make your husband the happiest man in the world, then start right now.
When your boyfriend talks to you, listen with your eyes, not just your ears. When you are married, there will be many more distractions to get in the way, and fewer opportunities for good conversation–take advantage of them by being attentive to every word he speaks.
When he asks you to do some little task for him, make sure you remember it. When you are married, there will be a lot more things to remember–and oh how he will appreciate it if you actually do them.
When he seems to be down or discouraged, don’t ask him what is wrong (unless it is really something you need to talk about), but instead, smile at him, love on him, build him up. When you are married, there will be many days when the weight of the world is on his shoulders, and many days when he is stressing out over something related to work. Learn your man’s moods, so you know whether you need to remind him of God’s promises to take care of us, whether you need to tickle him and make him forget all his problems, or whether you just need to sit there quietly, rubbing his sore shoulders, and run your fingers through his hair without saying a word.
Make a habit of the tasks that he overlooks. Whether it is throwing away the trash that collects in his car, or picking up his dirty socks, he probably has some little thing he never bothers to do (perfect though he is). Learn to take care of those little things without even thinking–and definitely without making it obvious to him that you “had” to do them.
Learn to make him look his best. Don’t contradict him in front of others (or in private!). Don’t criticize him, ever, to any one. Instead, tell everyone about this most wonderful man in the world that you are in love with. Extol his good qualities until the whole world knows. When you are married, you may find one or two bad qualities, but since you spent your entire courtship focusing on the good things about him, the bad ones won’t be hard to overlook.
Practice thriftiness. Save your money now so that you will have a little stockpile when you get married. Learn to shop the grocery sales, use coupons, visit garage sales, and view GoodWill as the ultimate clothing store. Every man appreciates a thrifty wife. Learn the difference between being a bargain hunter and buying something just because it is a bargain. And when you’re shopping for clothes, consider whether he will think that shirt quite so cute if he knew how much it cost.
Find out what it is that really annoys your man, and make sure to the best of your ability to prevent him from ever being thus annoyed. If it’s dirty dishes in the sink, you may not find out about it until he is the head of his own house, but if it’s hair in the bathtub and he has sisters, you’ll learn to clean your hair from the drain long before you ever get married.
Learn what spells “home” to him. Then, whether it is a clean floor, cookies in the cookie jar, his favorite CD or ball game playing, or candles burning in the evening, make your home that haven he desires. Then you’ll never have to wonder if he’s coming home at night.
Related Posts:
Yes, old… but just reading and appreciating once again these words of wisdom.
Archived comments…
At 8:35 AM, Chantel Harding said…
Thank you, Gretchen. We all need that reminder once in a while that making the happiest homes in the world starts now, not once we find our guys. Much of this echoed with something in my own heart, but I most certainly plan to take it a little deeper to heart, and… remember to clean out the hair from the drain after each shower.
At 12:02 PM, Celeste said…
Thank you for this… I’m about to be married in exactly a month from today and your words truly bless me deeply. I’ll be reading this over and over again in the coming years. Thank you sister.
At 12:13 PM, Anonymous said…
Gretchen,
Thank you so much for this post. Being recently married, it is full of good reminders. Especially about just being there with him when he has had a hard day. That was very timely for me. You’re always such a blessing and I’m so very thankful for your ministry on YLCF. Thank you!
In Christ,
Christine Brown
At 1:04 PM, Anonymous said…
Thank you, Gretchen for this reminder that we must begin now, not when we find our guy, to make a happy home and marriage. I think that those of us who are still single with no one in sight, can apply this to our dads and brothers. After all, aren’t they the ones we get to practice on before Mr. Right shows up!? Thanks again for the reminder, and maybe I should consider cleaning out the hair from the shower when I’m through!
~Allison
At 2:41 PM, Anonymous said…
Thanks, Gretchen! I never thought about the little things I do that my dad and brother don’t do (like turning clothes right-side out, pushing in chairs, hanging up coats…) as being preparation for a home of my own. And all the other things you list as well–looking for bargains, encouraging them, getting their meals… Thank you for the reminder that the best practice for my own home is right now!
At 3:28 PM, Allison said…
I appreciate that reminder, Gretchen. As a newlywed, I am discovering the importance of doing the “little” things that honor my husband as we are instructed in scripture (and it is such a joy to honor him anyway). For my husband, it is clean laundry and good meals.
Which reminds me, I need to go start a load of clothes…
At 6:04 PM, Anonymous said…
Thanks, Gretchen:). It IS nice hearing that while we’re in the waiting and don’t have a special someone (and it seems he doesn’t even exist sometimes!). It’s always a blessing to hear about a real-life marriage that is godly, happy, and healthy.
At 6:26 PM, Lauren said…
You know, I’ve heard most of that before, but a reminder is always wonderful. Two of your points, though, were a bit novel, and especially “hit home” for me:
“Make a habit of the tasks he overlooks.” It’s so easy to nag and chide about those instead of help.
“Learn what spells ‘home’ to him.” I like this one! How wonderful! I practiced this one this evening, with your post in mind!
Thanks so much for the practical tips! I’m not married, but I’m living at home, trying to “practice” all of this with my dad!
Many thanks for everything ya’ll do on this site!
~Lauren
At 7:44 PM, Anonymous said…
Thanks for all the hints, Gretchen…they’ve been filed away in my memory for future reference when there is a guy in my life!
~Lois
At 10:46 PM, emily said…
Hi Gretchen!
Wonderful post- seriously. I love all of the ideas and reminders, and I LOVE LOVE ylcf’s messages of the importance of cherishing marriage, husbands, and of looking for the best in our husbands, building them up, being unconditionally loving, supportive, “on their team”, etc.
I did have a question, though. In this article you said “Don’t contradict him in front of others (or in private!)”. I couldn’t agree more about not contradicting our husbands (or, really, almost anyone else unless absolutely necessary) in public!! But I did wonder about never contradicting them in private. Is it really wrong (in your opinion, obviously
) to ever contradict or disagree with your husband? Obviously, I’m not talking about being belligerent, rude, or belittling, but it seems that in any marriage- or relationship- disagreements WILL occur. Obviously the husband is the leader, and of course in no relationship do we need to LOOK for things to disagree on or criticize, but do you believe that it’s wrong to ever contradict your spouse?
I would love to hear your (or those of anyone else who reads this!) thoughts! Again, love your work.
Thanks! Emily Goldberg
At 11:50 PM, Natalie Marie said…
Emily,
I can’t say exactly for sure what Gretchen meant, but the way I read that post, I believe the point is to not be argumentative, nitpicky, and disagreeable. Contradict, for me, carries a negative connotation. Definitely you will not always agree but presenting a united front and working through differences with mutual submission and respect (submitting to each other as two equal heirs in Christ) should be done in private.
At 5:22 AM, Elizabeth said…
This is so beautiful! It’s the mundane ‘little things’ that all add up to make the beautiful whole, in relationships and in home-making. Thank you for the reminder to start working on making the ‘little things’ now, making them second-nature even marriage!
At 9:29 AM, Monica said…
oh my gosh, gretchen… i’m speechelss. thank you so much.
At 4:42 PM, Annie said…
if there is a part 2 and I just cannot find it, PLEASE email me… THANKS!