My next piece of ‘advice’ in this series is so old and oft-repeated that I fear it has begun to lose some of its original meaning—or, worse yet, assume an implication that it never should have. But at the risk of some of you rolling your eyes and heaving a great sigh and saying, “Oh, that again,” 
I’m going to throw it into the ring once more. Because I think it’s that important. Here it is:
It looks so heartless in type, doesn’t it? And something within us balks at such a hard-and-fast statement. Of course, it goes without saying that God can do a work of grace in anyone’s life, no matter where they are or where they have been; He does it every single day. He can take us from disgruntlement to perfect rest in a twinkling of an eye—if we will let Him. Plenty of women have found contentment after marriage, we want to say. They got what they wanted and they are happy. Perhaps that’s true—it’s between them and God. But allow me to gently expostulate: wouldn’t it be better to have our hearts grounded in contentment before they are ever wrung by the pain and bliss of love? Before the uncertainties and cares of life wear us down into thinking that ‘happily ever after’ doesn’t exist?
And whoever said that getting what we want makes us happy? The Israelites got the quail they wanted in the dessert, and, with it, ‘leanness to their souls’. That sounds absolutely dreadful to me. How much better to go to your husband—and one day, your Lord—with arms full of bounty, the rich harvest of a happy and productive single life! This is not to over-simplify a very difficult discipline of a faithful Christian walk. It is hard, I know—actually, it’s impossible apart from God’s grace. And one magic click of a spiritual button somewhere is not going to have you set up for life. Contentment is a lesson we all must confront again and again. Even the Apostle Paul had to ‘learn contentment’.
But the principle holds, no matter how many disclaimers and provisos are propped up alongside it. Because, let me tell you, the waiting does not end once you are married. Ask any woman who has dealt with infertility. Or a military wife who doesn’t know where she’ll be living from one year to the next. Or a couple pouring their very soul’s energy into a church that seems indifferent, hoping and yearning for God’s Spirit to move—or move them.
Somewhere along the way I think this idea has been twisted into the notion that real contentment means we have lost all longing for the desire that made us unhappy in the first place. That’s hogwash, for lack of a better word. (Jeannie has handled this topic beautifully in her Content but not Complete series, and I recommend a regular re-reading of it if you are in a waiting stage…which is pretty much all of us.) It is perfectly possible for our hearts to break with joy and yearning at the same time. A miracle, yes, but all things are possible with God. He takes our surrender and transforms it into a threshold of true fulfillment.
A contented, grateful, happy heart is one of the best gifts that we can give to our husbands. It is a critical foundation block of a heaven-on-earth marriage. A woman who has found the freedom to be at peace with God’s plan for her life also frees her man from any of the selfish ambitions that are a by-product of discontent. He is at liberty to face the future with her, hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, knowing that when the battle of each day is done he will always have a heart that he can trust in waiting for him at its close.
read the rest of the series on preparing for marriage: >> Part One >> Part Three >> Part Four
Soooo true Lanier. I remember thinking that once I was courting I’d be perfectly content–if only it were that easy.
Now the challenge is to be patient until I can be married. And then the challenge will be to have patience again…it is always the same.
We want to bring full hearts and arms to not only our husbands but our Lord…not empty hands wanting more, more.
This is exactly what I’ve been learning lately. To be content, to be patient, is not something I’ve ever been very good at when it comes to waiting for a husband or just waiting for the weekend! Being told that I need to be content without a man before I’ll be ready for marriage has always grated on my nerves because I want a husband not now, but yesterday.
Thanks to a whole lot of prayer in this area, though, I’m finally getting to the point where I can accept this time of singleness, and acknowledge all the areas where I need work before I can even think of being a good wife to someone.
Thank you again for this series. I hope there will be more forthcoming!
~Emily~
“Contentment is a lesson we all must confront again and again.”
I so appreciate this….I forget, sometimes, that a battle won doesn’t guarentee I’ll never face the same enemy again. Then I wonder what’s wrong with me when I find myself fighting the same ground….AGAIN!
So true Lanier!
As a young girl I used to think all would be right in the world if only so’n'so would be in my life, or if I has such’n'such.
If only things were that easy!
I’ve found time and time again, no matter the life circumstance, there is always something to gripe about. Its not the circumstance that can make us content, but our attitudes and heart.
I am so loving this series of posts Lanier! You’ve blessed me time and time again in our emails, and you’re only blessing me futher with these words of wisdom!
Oh Lanier, I loved this post. It reminded me of Amy Carmichael’s poem “Rose From Brier,” a poem I memorized and clung to for several months (apologies for the format):
“Thou hast not that, My child, but thou hast Me; / And am not I alone enough for thee? / I know it all, know how thy heart was set / Upon this joy which is not given yet.
“And well I know how though the wistful days / Thou walkest all the dear familiar ways / As unregarded as a breath of air; / But there in love and longing, always there.
“I know it all; but from thy brier shall blog / A rose for others. If it were not so / I would have told thee. Come, then, say to Me: / ‘My Lord, my Love, I am content with Thee.’”
That last paragraph really summed it all up nicely. I have to agree and have seen simply by watching other marriages how being content in all things is necessary, now as I am single and also if/when I am marrried someday. I can honestly say that I have come to a place in my single life where I am content. Being married could add to my happiness but not being married does not steal away today’s joy
I so appreciate this….I forget, sometimes, that a battle won doesn’t guarentee I’ll never face the same enemy again. Then I wonder what’s wrong with me when I find myself fighting the same ground….AGAIN!
Katharine, I loved your humble, honest spirit. And I definitely know where you’re coming from because I have those same experiences!
Contentment is definitely a daily decision, just as trust in the Lord is. I believe I’m growing and I see progress– but there is still such a way to go. It’s okay, though. I think realizing our need for improvement keeps us humble and relying on God’s grace.
Lanier, thanks for the post! I’m enjoying the series.