In Becoming the Woman of His Dreams, Sharon Jaynes recalls a time when “a wife who became a mother remained first and foremost a wife.” When did we change “working wife” to “working mom”? When did “housewife” suddenly become less important than “stay-at-home mom”?
Mrs. Jaynes writes of this paradigm shift:
I think the change is more of a reflection of the culture’s shift of importance from being a wife to being a mother. Our focus has shifted from a home that is centered on the marriage unit to one that is centered on the children.
She quotes Dr. John Roseman, who reflects in the Charlottee Observer:
“This shift came about largely because America’s shifted to a self-esteem based child-rearing philosophy, and women became persuaded that the mother who paid the most attention to and did the most for her child was the best mom of them all.”
Mrs. Jaynes makes a powerful point as she notes,
Unfortunately, many times this [shift] has occured at the expense of the marriage. The wife becomes engrossed in her children’s lives, and the husband becomes engrossed in his career. Twenty years later, they look up from their cereal bowls and say, “Who are you?”A mother should never feel guilty for putting her husband before her children. Giving them the security of knowing that their parents love each other is one of the best gifts she can give them in the long run…
I believe the best mom of all is the one who loves her husband and gives her children the security of living within the protection of a rock-solid marriage, a marriage that exemplifies and models for them what God intended.
(emphasis mine)
thank you so much for writing this. I have seen so much of this amongst my married friends, and it is truly sad….to see them neglect their marriage for the sake of the children, not realising that the security of parents whose marriage is strong is far better in the long-term for kids. If I am ever blessed to be married I pray that I will remember this lesson and let God root it deep into my heart…