Even a series is inadequate…but it’s a start. So grab your iced tea and pull up a rocking chair!
If you’re not engaged, or even close to it, please don’t move on to your next bookmark or feed! 
So much—I’d venture to say almost all—of the sisterly advice my heart is brimming with can be of use well before your intended ever shows his face, if only in the realm of your ideals. If you aspire as a girl towards a Christ-centered, fulfilling, dynamic marriage, your values will grow in that direction, as a plant towards the light of the sun. True love and beautiful marriages really do exist. And the dreams God allows us to dare to dream in our girlhood are, I believe, where such marriages are born.
That’s not to say the course ahead will run smooth by any means…I think the Bard had some wise words on that account. But it’s worth it. It’s worth it to have faith in something so beautiful that only God could have thought it up in the first place. It’s worth it to learn to wait on Him and hope in Him and to find, after all, that He is the Lover of your soul. It is worth it—all the longing and disappointed hopes and even heartache that may lay before you—to be able to one day stand before the person you love best in the whole wide world, wearing a white dress and veil, and to look up at him and say, ‘I have waited for God and I have waited for you.’
Gretchen and Natalie have spent an enormous amount of time compiling and cataloguing the index of Courtship Stories. They didn’t do it to breed discontent, or to give the married girls a chance to brag. They did it to ‘direct our eyes to the First Love’, to keep us in remembrance that the ‘best maker of marriages’ has an endless store of blessing to bestow—and equally infinite resources of creativity with which to confer it. Even if you have all the testimonies memorized, take a glance through them this week and see if you are not struck with the fact that not one of them looks like any of the others. Any more than I look like any of you. Or vice versa. God has not run out of ideas. He has not run out of dreams for his precious children: I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.
So that’s my first piece of advice for a good marriage: Believe that it exists in the grace of God. Believe that God intends for you to be married unless you have a very specific calling otherwise. Believe that it can be a ‘dream come true’ of oneness and closeness and fellowship and downright fun! And remember that it is worse than pointless to try and figure out how God is going to unfold your story. I’ll be honest and say that my sweet husband is really closer to what I dreamed of as a 16 year-old than what I allowed myself to hope for as a jaded 23 year-old. But never in a million years could I have imagined how God would bring a man of his stature and caliber into my life—from the next town over, no less!
Every point has its counterpoint. Taken alone, this first bit of ‘advice’ can be dangerously construed into a ‘God-is-going-to-give-me-everything-I-want-because-He-loves-me’ kind of doctrine, and that’s certainly the last thing I would ever espouse. But hopefully in the weeks to come I can give a somewhat balanced perspective on my favorite topic! And if you have any questions of your own, feel free to send them my way via comments or email and I’ll see if I can address them in this series.
read the rest of the series on preparing for marriage: >> Part Two >> Part Three >> Part Four
I already told you, but thanks again for this wonderful piece, Lanier!!
Lanier, I can’t wait for the rest of this series… what you’ve already written here blessed and encourged my soul so much! Thank you for the sisterly advice! Keep it comin’!
Thanks a lot for this encouragement, Lanier! Great!!!
I’m looking forward to reading more… Debbie
Looking forward to it, Lanier!
Thank you, thank you, thank you Lanier for these beautiful thoughts. This has been SUCH an encouragement to my heart. One can get so discouraged waiting a very long time, even when God in His goodness has shown who your beloved is going to be. This surely has been a timely read.
Lanier,
Very encouraging (and I’m already married)! I really like the point you made that “God has not run out of ideas.” It wasn’t too long ago that I was the one reading the courtship stories over and over again going “when is it going to happen for me, Lord?”
But God is faithful and just in His timing.
Thanks,
Jessica
Lanier,
CAN YOU HAVE TOO HIGH OF EXPECTATIONS???????????
NOT expectations like color of hair, occupation, personality, etc
. . .but expectations of character, godliness, standards and such.
I have heard people say that “expectations set you up for
disappointment in marriage”. . .should we not have ANY expectations than???
Thank you for your time in advance!
HH
Psalm 37:3-5
Yeah! Yahoo! A great series from Lanier! Thank you — I can’t wait to read it all. God bless you, dear sister.
Oh Lanier……
Hearing these beautiful and kind words have given me more encouragement then you could ever know.
Thank you…..
~Katie
I’m looking forward to the rest of the story! Your words definitely fulfill the scriptures’ guidelines for uplifting communication…exhort, edify and comfort!
I must say also how much I appreciate the time and effort that has and still is going into compiling the courtship stories. They have been such a source of encouragement.
~Rachel
Thank you, Lanier, for this article. As a single woman still hoping that God has a man out there for me somewhere, I sometimes get frustrated and wonder, “Should I just lower my standards to include the guys here at church, since they’re the only Christian men I know?” Your article encouraged me to keep waiting and hoping, because if God wants me married He knows who and when I’ll meet him!
I’m looking forward to the rest of the series!
Hello Lanier! Thank you for your words-they are so encouraging and comforting. I do have a question for you! I am a 21 year old woman living at home still. The deep desire of my heart is to be married and to raise a godly family. Right now, however, my parents insist that I work full time. I honor my parents and work wholeheartedly-even getting a recent promotion. How, though, do I reconcile my longing to be something so far away from corporate America to where I am today?
Thank you for your wisdom~Elyce
Thank you so much for the excellent article:) I’m looking forward to more!
Oh Lanier, this was just what my heart needed to hear today! Thank you for the encouragement and the beautiful article. I look forward to reading the rest of the series as it comes.
~Emily~