I learned that the hard way this week.
Ever since I was young, I was taught to do everything for God’s glory–to put Him first. It was grained in my brain…washed into my being. So naturally, I figured that’s what I had been doing all along. How wrong I was.
The seed of pride entered my heart so long ago that I did not even realize it was there. It became a part of me. The funniest part was that I became so adjusted to the pride, that I thought it was a desire to showcase my talent and abilities for Christ. Yet my ulterior motives where to glorify myself. To get myself a little further on the ladder of fame and success.
God is so good to have kept me low…I never reached the pinnacle of my field, and never got the recognition I thought I deserved. I fooled myself into thinking that I wanted all the fame just so I could “present God on a bigger platform.” I was only fooling myself. God saw right through my selfish heart.
This past week was my undoing. In a worship service, the one place I so deeply wanted to show my “talent”, God broke me. I suppose it was time for my prideful heart to be shattered on the floor so He could simply pick up the pieces and mend them into the likeness of Him. Being broken is hard. It’s finally admitting that I was wrong. It’s admitting that my dreams and desires have been selfish and were ultimately to glorify myself. It’s laying my true hopes and dreams down at the Saviors feet and allowing Him to mold them into what He wants them to be.
Pride…it hides too well. You’d never know it’s there until you come crashing down. Yet God is so gracious. If you listen to His voice, step off your high horse, and admit your mistakes, He won’t allow you to fall. He will break you, take you, and make you into something far greater then any fame or success is worth.
Thank you for sharing this, Katherine. I had one of those intense moments earlier this year, when in one instant during a sermon, I was convicted of years and years of buried and denied legalism and pride. I wouldn’t trade that brokeness for anything, though, for in it I rediscovered my love for my Saviour and my fellow man.
What a wonderful (though hard!) post! Thank you for sharing it. That is so true that often we don’t even see the pride as we give leave for it to spread more and more! I’m learning that keeping a repentant, open, honest heart before the Lord helps to “red-alert” any presence of pride before I allow it to lodge for a long-winter’s stay.
What an excellent post. Pride seems to dog my footsteps wherever I go. I cannot forget it nor escape it – it’s my last name, after all. Just like Katherine says here, I go along thinking I’m all right for a while, and then something shakes me up and breaks me. I lose a little bit more of me and gain a little bit more of God. It’s a constant grafting process.
That explains things, Sarah! I came across your blog a while ago, and thought “Life of Pride” was a rather strange title! But now I see it’s your last name. Ah ha! That makes more sense!
~Lois
What a beautiful post, Katherine, very well said.
I felt the same thing last night, at church i really finally realized that I always thought i could do it on my own, that i’m my own boss with the Lord by my side…but i never fullily put him First, well yesturday he broke me and molded me to understand things better and to be more like His Son.
It will take years of hard work, but i will get rid of this daily pride and daily selfishness.
I will, because I know the Lord is my Shepherd and he will never lead me astray.
And he is the best instructor of all
Well, Katherine good job!
Keep up with the writing!
I’d love to see more of your posts, keep them coming
Take care, and May God Bless you and keep you!
Jane.
Your so right Jane, it will take years….no a life time of hard work. Pride is a sin that I seem to constantly struggle with, and I know that I probably will battle with it for the rest of my life. Yet praise God that He has the keys to set us free! His blood covers all sins, and His mercies are new every morning.
I appreciate your kind words Jane, I can tell that God has given you a gentle and sweet spirit.
God bless,
~Katie Barron