“The more I know of the world, the more am I convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love. I require so much!”
~Marianne Dashwood
How many of us sighed at that endearingly-rendered line of Kate Winslet’s in the movie Sense and Sensibility? I know I did, and giggled with my girlfriends over it afterwards. Though not one of us seriously doubted the likelihood of our falling in love one day, it was fun to imagine ourselves turning away scores of dejected suitors and minding our maiden way quite happily. That is, until The One appeared on the scene. We all had different opinions on the making of a perfect man, but one thing we knew for certain: we’d recognize him in a moment.
In fulfillment of a promise to address some of the questions raised on the subject of ideals and expectations, I’d like to begin by saying that Elizabeth has already said it all. Her words rang with the winsomeness of true devotion—to the Lord and to her husband—and my spirit was refreshed, as I know many of yours were, by the simplicity of her response. We often make things so unnecessarily complicated by our musings and emotional meanderings, grasping at this counsel and that, scrutinizing God’s dealings with those around us as if they could actually have any bearing upon His dealings with us. The fact of the matter is that the only way to true peace with regard to our future mate is by way of an age-old path called surrender. In fact, it’s the only way to true peace about anything. And the more comfortable we are with that idea, I believe, the happier we are in this life. We sometimes think of surrender as a last resort, an arms-folded acceptance of an unpleasant situation, rather than the gateway to all the delights our Father’s blessing and joy. How He must marvel at times over our lack of faith!
There was a time in my life when I actually allowed myself to think that God was going to give me the exact opposite of all my heart cherished just to build character in me. Events had dragged my ideals through the mire—and my expectations along with them—and I had begun to doubt that the dream of love was a valid hope. I questioned my married friends almost feverishly—Is this love business all it’s really cracked up to be? And how do you know if you’re really ‘in love’? And, if you are, does it last? They were undeniably patient with me, and gave me such winning, soft-eyed answers. But I was still skeptical. They’re in love! I’d protest to myself. How could they possibly know?
It was my younger sister who finally called me to task on the matter.
“Lanier!” she exclaimed one day when I ventured to suggest my new ideas. “What are you talking about? If we ask Him for bread, does He give us a stone?”
If we ask him for a prince, does He give us a boor? If we appeal for His guidance, does He turn His back? To be sure, God uses disappointed hopes and challenges in our lives to make us more like Jesus, but does He want to be perpetually miserable? Permit me to underscore it—God is perfectly capable of leading us through the process of preparing us for our spouse if we’ll let Him. He won’t prevent us from taking matters into our own hands, from going off on our own and making bad choices. But He does say that if we give Him the reins, He will guide us in the way we should go.
In part two I’ll dip into some of the mechanics of ideals and expectations. But just keep one thing at the front of your minds: if our expectation is in the Lord Himself, we will never be disappointed.
13 Comments
Thank you, Lanier! This speaks exactly to some stuff I’ve recently been going through…especially the Scriptural truth that your sister so simply reiterated…
“If we ask Him for bread, does He give us a stone?”
Thank you again…and I can’t wait to read Part Two.
That’s wonderful…thank you for sharing!
Beautiful, Lanier… so true. Eagerly waiting to read part two, myself!
What a wonderful post, Lanier! That is such an important point about surrender, and that when our expectation is in the Lord, we won’t be disapointed, as you said. It’s so tempting to be afraid to surrender at times. I’m often reminded of the story from Leslie Ludy about her fears of being an old maid, then finally meeting an Elmer Fudd type guy, only to die not too long after! It makes me laugh becaus so often, I think we view surrender as something horrid, a last resort, as you said. But when our hopes are in God, trusting Him, whatever He brings and whomever He brings, we won’t be disapointed because He knows what’s best and desires to bless a faithful, trusting servant with His best:-) Looking forward to reading part two!
Wow, that totally puts the whole matter in perspective! It all boils down to our trust in the Lord, who, if we are surrendered to Him, has been stamping His desires upon our hearts. Can we not trust Him to bring those desires to past if He indeed is the one who has placed them end? Thank you again! Can’t wait for the continuation!
if our expectation is in the Lord Himself…
something i’ve been thinking on so much lately. thanks for the words that were so upward-focusing! may God give you more wisdom to impart to us!!
God knows exactly what I needed to read, and all the doubts that formed in my mind just this evening. Thank you for the timely post and following the Holy Spirit’s leading.
Thank you, Lanier! I’ve been meditating on some of these very issues today. This verse is a great comfort to me: Psalm 34:10b Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. That means that there is nothing that I could add to my life right now to make it better. A husband is a good thing for some, but for me, right now where God has placed me, it isn’t a good thing. And that is an enormous comfort! It’s not a mistake, but part of His sovereign plan.
Thank you so much.
For me this is so timely. It is just what I needed to hear. Thank you.
Great post:) It’s so nice to hear from you, Lanier! Anticipating part two, as well…:)-Whitney
Great insight! SURRENDER has kind of lost itself in our vocabulary hasn’t it?:)
Blessings and Shalom!
Lanier your posts are always so good! Thank you for your insights! they are amazing..and yes surrender to our Lord is not only the key, but fundamental part of being a Christian, i sometimes struggle as well with surrender it’s so hard for me sometimes, thanks so much for this post!
It was so timely and so true!
Thank you again Lanier!
I also can’t wait until part 2.
Have a great day and May God Bless you and keep you safe, Lanier
Jane.