One concern I held lately is that Gretchen and Merritt’s marriage would be upheld on a pedestal and become an idol. This is not in any way because of anything they have done — but in how I write and portray it to you girls and also in how you respond to what I share. Certainly, without question, an account of the wedding and pictures must be given. The wedding’s beauty and simplicity can be enjoyed and bring God glory. But…(and I am saying this to the single girls mostly, as those who are married are not as likely to set another couple up too high as perfect) please be careful.
“I hope someday for a love story as perfect and pure as that of Gretchen and Merritt.”
This was the theme of some letters and comments I’ve received that needed to be challenged. Perhaps the authors of said comments did not mean what they said literally. But what if they did? Gretchen and Merritt’s story was not perfect. Not because they are not godly but because no one’s story is perfect or pure or “perfectly pure” as another girl put it. Don’t we know this? Surely we know this.
Please do not do Gretchen and Merritt a disservice and elevate them to a sacred plane of Perfect Love Stories. 
They do not belong there. I never will either. No one does. And they don’t want that. The focus of their ceremony was God’s abundant, everlasting faithfulness. Let’s make sure that any response to their story is glory to His name.
Let’s not hope for perfect. I guarantee you that you will be disappointed, disillusioned, and frustrated. You might even reject a gift from God. They rarely come packaged as we would expect or plan.
A thought: is the purpose of courtship and wedding and marriage to glorify God or to have a perfect, inspirational story for others to admire? Some might say that the latter leads to the former. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says that God’s strength is perfected in our weakness. He gets the glory from our failings and mistakes as well as from our victories.
Whew! Yes, let’s move on.
I’ve enjoyed the stories and pictures, but they do seem rather… exclusive. Any love story is exclusive, and that’s the way it should be. But it doesn’t give much for everyone else to do but watch, since our own stories are likely to be extremely different.
Am I unusual in that I can’t see why a lot of others have been so rapturous about the wedding? Gretchen found her mate a long time ago, and now they are together. It is natural and right, but not especially surprising. It’s the saga of life in God’s world. I guess I feel more calm satisfaction and security than anything else.
(and I’m not mentally putting down those who reacted with extreme joy; I am just trying to make sense of it all)
Thanks for the post Natalie, and the reminder. It is too easy to set things up as the perfect standard to follow, but no man or woman is perfect!
I look forward to what YLCF has in store for future posts!
Natalie, AMEN! As a newly married woman, I found myself worrying over this for those who are still dating/courting/single. I hope Gretchen and Merritt are doing well…When are they siding the house? Are they settling into married life well? I hope they are blessed in every party of their lives!
I’m glad you posted a sort of healthy “check” in regards to all the hearts that have been bubbling over of late. Ladies especially I’m afraid, love love stories… we cannot help ourselves. And when one really thinks about it, our reasoning hasn’t changed since we were little girls singing along with the princess’s in Disney movies. “Someday my prince will come…” or, if he already has come, we’re waiting for him to put on our glass slipper. It isn’t a bad longing, but we so desperately want to see what it’ll be “like” that we scour the library or the internet, as the case may be, and get wrapped up in someone elses story, imagining that the story is ours. It becomes “too much of a good thing” because anything, no matter how good, that consistently takes our focus off God and what He wants for our lives, isn’t good for us.
Just few thoughts.
Anyway, sorry for rambling.
Thank you for the reminder! Looking forward to new posts as always. Many blessings to Gretchen and Merritt in their IMPERFECT married life.
Thank you for addressing that! I hope not all of us put them on a pedastal, but maybe, had it not been addressed, I would have.
Sarah, as a person who was there, I do want to point out that it WAS rapturous to be at the wedding and see the faithfulness of God uniting these two in marriage…at last! Especially for those of us who have known Gretchen for years and seen her interest in Merritt grow into deep love throughout the years and to see how long she waited for him…yes, it was rapturous to see indeed! Marriage is a wonderful institute created by God, and when it is done properly (the couple staying pure before marriage, the couple dedicating themselves to Christ first, etc.), it is just an amazing thing to see. And it is surprising because so few marriages are like that these days. Truly sad. But theirs was a happy contrast.
We can look to Merritt and Gretchen’s relationship as one example of the blessings that a couple experiences when they are faithful to God and to each other’s purity.
But that doesn’t mean we should idolize them, as Natalie pointed out. Instead, we should be thanking God for his faithfulness and awesomeness for bringing the very, very happy (absolutely bursting and bubbling over with happiness!) couple together in his good timing for his good purpose.
We don’t need to downplay the happiness and amazingness of the event to do that. Rather, I think the two go hand in hand!
Thank you for your reminder. I have enjoyed following the events that lead up to Gretchen’s marriage, but it’s easy to get caught up in the “fantasy” of it all. Let’s not forget (I’m including myself here!) that now comes the every day-ness of life… that comes to everyone, married and single. It’s here in the every day that God calls us to be faithful, in the mundane, non-exciting things. I’m NOT putting down the excitement of the wedding – is rightfully very exciting!! Just my reflections on “moving on” after a momentous occasion.
Thank you for this site, Natalie, I have been coming to this site for years but this is my first time posting.
-Jessica
Nicely said, Jessica. And I think this is such a wonderful reminder, Natalie, especially since most of us have not witnessed the day-to-day life of the couple (realizing that they are imperfect people, just like all of us!) You’re right- if we’re not careful, we can be looking for perfect and miss a really good gift!
Natalie,
I’ve never left a comment here, but now I feel I must. I am so pleased that you wrote this post. It’s been a little difficult to read posts promoting a sustained state of rapture for these two wonderful people. I’m not saying it was ever your intention or that of anyone else, but I just kept being struck by the thought of “what happens when Merritt and Gretchen hit their first bump in marriage? What then??? Will that cause a lot of disillusionment for readers of this blog?” Because the truth is, marriage is hard. I’m speaking as a married lady of 7 years, and although marriage becomes sweeter with time, it never becomes easier. People grow and change and God sends trials…we just have to remember that this is not the end of their story together. God works through blessings, but He also chooses to work through very difficult circumstances as well. God is glorified in ALL THAT HE DOES, whether it’s happy and joyful, like that of a blissful wedding day, or whether it’s the sorrow over tragedies, losses, and disappointments.
All that to say…a great reminder and a great post. Thank you for providing a more grounded perspective.
Thank you for the reminder…
I have seen to many times of Christian circles “elevating” married couples…
I am delighted of course, of Gretchen and Merritt’s wedding and their new journey in this season of life…Congrat’s to them!!!!
But really, I hope we can celebrate with them, and yes, move on to what else the Lord has for us and for them, as we all serve the Lord be it single or married. Amen?
Thanks for doing an excellent job Natalie…I enjoy reading everything on this site!
Also, from a Nebraskan, go big red!
In Him,
Leah V.
I agree very much with what you’ve said, Natalie. We must guard against getting wrapped up in someone else’s life and thinking it’s just perfect.
On the flip side don’t most courtship/wedding stories lend themselves to that? We only see the glowing faces, the beautiful dresses, the happy smiles. How can it not look perfect to us? Sure… there are a few courtship stories that outline difficulties that arose, but for the most part everyone paints a rosy picture of it all. To girls who are longing for that day it’s kind of natural to look at those stories as almost sacred. Not saying that it’s right or good. . . but just maybe perhaps what those type of stories naturally do. I agree with you Natalie, no one’s story is perfect – but if all we see is the perfect side then what reaction can we have other than rapture?
Personally, my brother went through a courtship so I’m more familiar with the ins and outs of it and the imperfectness of a couple. I’m not sure how many of the girls on here have had someone close courting, but if you haven’t then the stories here are all we know and see. Frankly, real courtship lined up next to most stories are 2 totally different things. I’m not saying that a courtship story should be full of all the heartaches or something, but they do tend to have a fairy tale quality that is unrealistic.
For me Gretchen and Merritt’s wedding was just and example of what God can do. An example of God’s faithfulness and his intrest in our lives. I also thought it was a beautiful wedding that reflected the couple’s happiness. But, I can see how girls could put it on a pedestal because of it’s dreamy qualities.
Just some thoughts. . .
Great reminder Natalie
Thanks for fulfilling the position God has placed you in especially in this venue of outreach by provoking Godliness and even when what you have to say may not be very widely appreciated or accepted 
Thanks for your faithfulness to the wisdom God has imparted to you to pass to others 
God bless you for addressing that, Natalie!
I think it was needed restore balance (boy that sound ‘new age’, yucky. 
) I’ll admit I’ve viewed the wedding posts with mixed emotions. There were some days I was delighted to read about God’s plan unfolding in such a beautiful way for a wonderful young lady who had trusted in the Lord and waited on His timing. Other days (probably when I was tired, down, vulnerable, etc.) I felt as if the wedding was being promoted as perfect, and hearing the others gush with admiration and ‘rapture’ as someone put it made me feel guilty for my feelings of heartache.
A thought: is the purpose of courtship and wedding and marriage to glorify God or to have a perfect, inspirational story for others to admire?
Excellent point!
I appreciated this comment:
Let’s not hope for perfect. I guarantee you that you will be disappointed, disillusioned, and frustrated. You might even reject a gift from God. They rarely come packaged as we would expect or plan.
Being both a very organized person who likes to plan ahead and a perfectionist, I can say this is something I’m learning daily as I seek to follow God’s path for me. And it’s a wild ride some days…
Once again, this was a nice reminder to all and I thank you for it, Natalie.
God bless you all!
LM
Melinda, I don’t think I would disagree with you on anything you said. And I think I will just leave it there, because explanations would take too long.
I agree completely with the first anonymous
“It becomes “too much of a good thing” because anything, no matter how good, that consistently takes our focus off God and what He wants for our lives, isn’t good for us.”
amen!
Thank you so much Natalie. I think those words were much needed. I hadn’t commented because I felt the level of “awwwness” was high enough without me. =) I think it was very beautiful the way GOD brought them together, and worked their wedding out so nicely. To me it was a perfect illustration of God’s perfect love for us. God accepts us the way we are. He loves us for who we are. He cares for us beyond all measure. I think these things were clear in Gretchen’s and Merrit’s relationship. Perhaps some have failed to recognize what gave them the “awwwness” (I can’t think of any other way to put that feeling) was God showing them HIS love. I know I tend to look at a love story, respond to the human side of it, but I rarely think about the Heavenly side.Maybe now would be a good time to do some posts on God’s love for us. I can’t think of any better way to get our minds on something else than to say “God is Love.”
Rebekah
<><
Thanks for the post, Natalie. It’s good to keep perspective and not get carried away.
I was wondering, how’s your new job going Natalie? I think that kinda got lost in the mix:D
Hey natalie,
thanks so much for sharing your part of gretchens wedding story it was beautiful i praise God that he remains so faithful. I have just finished reading passion and purity by Elisabeth elliot and have learnt alot about trusting God. I know that God has a plan for my life and in his will if he ever chooses to keep me to himself, im learning to surrender the idea that he will be my only husband and to rest and be content in that. im not a writer but iam a person who has been set free and is being set free every moment of every day im so weak yet he remains so strong, though i am not perfect i realise that my desire for a husband is one of the good gifts of God, but i also realise that in the meantime im meant to give it back to him as a living sacrifise which i have chosen to do.it has not been easy but he is my God and father im choosing to trust in him for toda tommorow he will provide as he always does. do be blessed
in his grace and mercy
christine
Amen.
The whole point of God bringing men and women together in such beautiful marriages is to bring glory to HIM, not them. Its so easy to get caught up in the moment of someone elses love story, that we forget who set the whole story into place. The one who made them, cultivated their love, and fulfilled it!
Instead of wanting a marriage just like someone elses, pray God simply prepares you for your own story, and uses you to encourage and bless others.
Its always good to have an example, but when that example is glorified, we miss the point. The point isnt to strive to be just like Gretchen and Merritt, or to envy their love, but to see Christ in their story and move closer to Him. I’m sure Gretchen and Merritt would agree!
Thank you Natalie…your honesty blesses me. In this world its rare to find someone willing to speak the truth with such love.
~Katie
Yes, Natalie…you spoke the truth in love…it stings, but it’s good for us. Thank-you!
~Lois
Thanks for writing this, Natalie! It was refreshing to read the gentle reminder, as I had noticed something of a pattern, like you.
The beauty of Gretchen and Merritt’s wedding was a story spanning years (of sometimes uncertainty, doubt, and even heartache perhaps) and seeing the beauty of God leading them together at last!
You are so right, too: no courtship is perfectly perfect or ideal. It is perfect in the sense that it is God’s plan to bring two people together, but not in the working of the relationship out. And to aim for such is to throw yourself headlong into disappointment and disillusionment.
It’s all to easy for us to dream our big dreams, make our tall air castles, and then become bitter–or worse yet, miss someone wonderful for us–when things don’t go according to our plans.
Better to put our faith and confidence in God, who can lead us through often uncertain and less-than-ideal circumstances, but which leads us to that “happily ever after” land of marital bliss.
I don’t know if this is the place for this question, but knowing there are several of you who visit YLCF and are young married women, I’ll toss it out and see.
The older I get, the more I realize that there is a sort of paradox in the area of finding a man to marry. On one hand I want to hold out for the man of my dreams because our God is perfect and almighty. On the other, I am not perfect and cannot expect perfection. God may choose not to send me a husband who is exactly as I dreamed. My question for you married ladies– where do I draw the line between holding out for God’s best and holding out for an aethereal dream that may be blinding me to reality? How detailed were you in your expectations for your husbands? And did God provide every detail of your dreams? Where did your dreams meet reality? I know these are heavy questions and I won’t take your replies as law, but I’d like to hear your thoughts. Thanks in advance for any words of wisdom, yet also I totally understand if you feel this is not the time and place to share your thoughts. God bless you all!
LM
Thanks for the excellent reminder, Natalie!
And I echo LM’s questions…it’s something I’ve been thinking and wondering about lately too…
Let’s be honest…one of the reasons it’s easy to put G&M’s courtship and wedding on a pedestal is that (as one brave anonymous person wrote above) we know not every day in a couple’s life can be lovely and sunny…but so few entries on this page talk about that (well, Lanier talks about disappointing gardening experiences, but you know what I mean…)
So I guess what I’m saying is we have no choice but to “pedestal-ize” their wonderful story a lot of times…because that’s mostly all we’ve seen. Would that YLCF would bless our lives with stories from all seasons, the perfect and imperfect!
Good point. ::said in her most Harlow Doyle-ish voice::
LM, that is an excellent question, and one I have been thinking of adressing for some time. As many of you know, I married a wonderful man, but if I had not been open to God’s leading, I might easily have ‘missed him’ because he was not exactly what I had in mind…
All that to say, I don’t think I can answer your question in a comment, but perhaps in a post from me in the near future…
~YLCF team member
Last Anonymous and April:
You are right.
I agree…and you may just notice some changes on YLCF already…certainly in the coming months.
Remember that each of those who contribute choose how they will represent themselves…and one thing I hope can be said of me is that I am honest about struggles and don’t pretend all is perfect. If I am not doing a good job of this on the YLCF, I’d like to know.
I’m definitely a different person than Gretchen, and thus YLCF will, in some ways, be different since I’ve become the editor. But hopefully the good stuff will remain and the changes are for the better, by God’s grace alone.
I’m so glad that your taking yclf in this direction Natalie. I know for me, sometimes its hard not to get caught up in the “wedding bliss”, probably because I’m anxiously awaiting my turn to marry my love
But, I think all of us need to turn our direction to something far greater then marriage, men, or any such things will ever be; Christ!
I remember reading a comment from one reader of ylcf that said her Mom tells her “If you dont learn to be happy in the journey you’ll never be happy in the destination.” How true that is! Whether your single, courting, engaged to be engaged or married, our eyes should be on Christ alone, and not on others.
Something I learned the hard way; Keep your eyes on Christ or you’ll miss exactly what you’ve truly desired, whether its marriage, a job, etc etc. For in His eyes alone will you see the perfect plan for your future.
~Katie
Thank you, Natalie for mentioning this and keeping our hearts in check. We can’t take Gretchen’s beautiful description of her love for Merritt and mistake it for a “perfect” love story.
On a different note, thank you so much for continuing this website and ministry, Natalie!!!!
~ Mia
Thanks to those who addressed my comment, and I look forward to reading a possible post from you in the future, Elizabeth!
LM
Thanks for the post Natalie. It was a well timed reminder.
I do think that it is important to also be careful in our expectations of this site. There are a lot of readers who currently desire to be married, and have therefore gotten down in the dumps reading about G&M. I don’t think that it is the responsibility of this website to broadcast the everyday stresses involved with pulling together a wedding, simply because it would make us feel better about our lives. The wedding story was beautifully done, and in my opinion, pointed continually to the amazing work of God through the whole process. (I think my favorite part was hearing about Gretchen’s ring.:)) I certainly don’t want to make anything worse, but is it really fair to ask Natalie to change the direction of the site simply because a few people aren’t finding it encouraging at the moment? I don’t know, I’m probably looking at it the wrong way, but I thought that I would throw my thoughts into the ring.:)
LM and Elizabeth,
Like Elizabeth, I married a wonderful man, but he was not the type I was necessarily “looking” for or had in mind. But when God brought him along, and I was finally convinced that it was God
, I found that Matt was perfectly suited for me! If I had married a man of my then-ideals, our relationship, I fear, would’ve been so imbalanced! I was looking for someone more like myself, which would’ve been disasterious! But God knew just what I needed.
It is so good to have high (godly) ideals and to not settle for less than a wonderfully godly man. But my personal feeling and thought is that I would be cautious in setting specific expectations, ie, “he has to want to live in the country” or “he has to want 10 kids” even. I’m trying to be careful in what I list as examples, as you are daughters under the authority of your fathers, and of course, ideally, he’ll help you set your standards for what you seek for in a potential husband.
That said, aim high, but never fail to be open to God’s spirit and leading. Know that if God can mould and change you through the years to a greater likeness of Himself, He can certainly do so with a man! Not that you’re trying to change a man to meet your standards–that’s not it!–but with my personal experience, God showed me that He was capable of having my then-potential-husband, Matthew, as well as myself, meet in the middle and find our own ground for our relationship and future family. And I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
I also don’t want to discount the fact that God does indeed sometimes work in ways of bringing completely likeminded families and couples together, where there’s no real need to work through things. Everything at least *appears* to be perfect…but I still think there will always be differences, however subtle, even in the most seemingly ideal circumstances (I can think of several friends’ courtships that seemed absolutely ideal and perfect, but which later I found that they had their share of adjustments and challenges).
So…hold fast to what is most important to you (your foundation in Christ)–what really matters–be careful to not make hard, fast rules about what is necessary to have in a mate, and be open to God possibly working outside of your “box”.
Anyway, sorry, this is a long-drawn-out comment, and I am sure Elizabeth will do a much better job at communicating than I have done. But I hope it offers some help or encouragement.
Enough rambling.
Your concern was well put, Natalie. But I think that for all of us that are still single, we will have some kinds of illusion on love that will have to be proven wrong by first-hand experience.
What I appreciated most about Gretchen and Merrit story was, first of all, that God was in the absolute center of it. How they waiteded so long for His perfect timing…that’s not something that’s popular or practiced widely in this day and age, even among Christians…Merrit waited for the right time to approach Gretchen and when he did it, he had marriage in mind, not playing around with her emotions. I don’t know about the rest of the ladies, but that has been a ministry to me. And coming from The Plain People’s background, I very much appreciated reading Gretchen’s posts on her relationship with Merrit. Being raised among people who aren’t taught very well to express thier feelings, I learned a tremendous amount…and if it’s wrong for me to desire a man who will treat me as a women, will be a gentleman, who will take time for me, who will love me like the picture that Gretchen protrayed of “her man” then aren’t I desiring less of what was intended by God? Putting Merrit and Gretchen on a pedestal? No. But I’m not ashamed to say how much I admire them…not because they did everything right, I’ve read certain things on this website I didn’t agree with…but they’ve brought a lot of much-needed light into my conception of what God intended for two people who have grown into love…and that’s just scraching the surface.
Elizabeth and Skye, I couldn’t agree with you more…I may have a few things to say in a post later, as well, from the perspective of an ‘old married woman’ (almost 7 years!
), but you two nailed it. 
It still surprises me, seven years later, how my ‘dreams met reality’–how different and yet how like–, because only my wonderful, loving God knew what I needed in a husband. To think what I might have missed if I had stayed bound within my narrow little expectations! Getting rid of expectations doesn’t diminish our potential for happiness–it bursts it wide open with all the endless creativity of the One Who thought up love and marriage in the first place!!!
LM’s questions–
“Where do I draw the line between holding out for God’s best and holding out for an aethereal dream that may be blinding me to reality? How detailed were you in your expectations for your husbands? And did God provide every detail of your dreams? Where did your dreams meet reality?”–
are the very things I was asking myself and my married friends before I met Philip. It is all too easy to get caught up in our own imagined version of God’s plan for our lives, possibly even to the point of missing His unbelievable blessings. A very wise older friend once told me in a moment of like perplexity, “Keep the ideals that God has given you sky high–but throw your expectations out the window!”
My heart is filled with a wonderful joy at what God has done for Gretchen because I love her so much and because the Lord has shown His beautiful love in a mighty way through these two faithful ones. It is an occasion for rapture when two people come together by God’s hand. It’s a miracle and a source of delight to Him. Shakespeare calls God ‘the best maker of marriages’…and any marriage with Christ at the center is a triumph for the Kingdom! But precious young women devoting themselves to God, attending to Him with undeviating love in their single years and trusting Him with their future is just as miraculous in this world, I believe, and just as glorifying to Him. Let’s all, married or single, use Gretchen and Merritt’s story as an inspiration and encouragement–not downplay the wonder or exalt the specifics–and keep pressing toward the mark of our own unique high callings.
Lanier
Amen Lanier,and Skye!
The man I will soon marry is not a thing like I would have “expected” my husband to be, but he is everything I’ve ever wanted and needed. God knew far better then I did who would be best for me. I know if I had not had my eyes set on Christ, I probably would have passed by my soon to be husband, but by keeping my standards high, but remembering to let God choose the man, I found the love of my life.
Thank you Lanier, I cant wait to read more of your posts, I would love to hear advice from an “old pro” on marriage and on life.
~Katie
WOW! The questions LM asked are exactly the ones I’ve been struggling with myself over the past couple months. Thanks to all the married (and soon-to-be-married!) ladies who have responded with with your thoughts.
Shawni (the “self-proclaimed lurker” quoted several posts down =))
Katie, Elizabeth, Skye, and Lanier,
Many thanks for your replies! I appreciate your wisdom and honesty immensely! They were hugely helpful and echoed many sentiments my own heart had been forming.
Skye, thanks for mentioning this:
But my personal feeling and thought is that I would be cautious in setting specific expectations, ie, “he has to want to live in the country” or “he has to want 10 kids” even.
I think you’re right on with that comment, yet it’s interesting to me that I wouldn’t have thought that a year ago!
Lanier, this is so true! It is all too easy to get caught up in our own imagined version of God’s plan for our lives, possibly even to the point of missing His unbelievable blessings. It’s humbling to admit, but I think that at times I’ve subconciously thought of God as my ‘fairy godmother’ who will give me what I desire rather than my Heavenly Father who still cares about my desires yet knows what is ultimately best for me.
One further thing…yet I hesitate in asking…all of you mentioned that your husbands were different from your expectations (yet better in ways you wouldn’t have dreamed). I’d love to hear specifically how they were different from your expecations and how you came to realize which expectations needed “thrown out the window”.
Perhaps part of the reason I ask is because I’d always had a very specific idea of what I’d like my husband to be like (though thankfully I’m realizing this is not the best thing); now, however, there is a gentleman interested in me who is very different from what I’d pictured yet he’s very godly and sincere and good. 
And I thank you for listening. God bless you with a sunny week!
I have a great relationship with both my parents and value their opinions and advice immeasurably. So, please do not think that I am coming to you instead of them. Rather I’m the type that likes to hear from many that I trust and then glean what I can.
I apologize for getting into this rather deeply and I hope I’m not intruding on the message board’s purpose. If you prefer not to reply, I truly would understand. Perhaps I should not be trying to figure it all out right now anyway and should be content to trust that the Lord will reveal all in His time. If you’ve gotten this far in reading, I’m impressed.
In Him,
LM
My first post on here after reading for years as well: please don’t, Natalie, cut out the Courtship Stories section! I know you are planning on making some changes, but I ask that that still be maintained. I am already married, but instead of being a pedestal, it is instead a great resource and inspiration to what a godly marriage and courtship CAN BE!
Hello there,
I’ve been reading your blog for a little while now and I’ve just found it really encouraging to see young women who wish to put God first in their lives, in every aspect. This isn’t really related to the post about idolatry of Mr and Mrs Acheson’s wedding, but I have another query in relation to your ‘homeschooling’ pages. I’m not sure if this comment will be too obscure to be read, but if it’s God’s will that someone should answer then I would be really encouraged by whatever answer that would be.
Upon Natalie’s article in YLCF Journal #29 (Winter 2000) about College and trusting your parents– and reading this quote– “What parents teach stays with you always. What they fail to teach can never be learned from others.”
I just wonder what should a young lady do if she feels that her parents aren’t properly training her? Say, if her father’s never home, and her parents encourage her to go to college, she doesn’t know how to cook, etc etc. If the quote above is true, should she be turning to God and pray for wisdom and other people in the church who can?
I know that I don’t know how to look after a home.. and it seems like you have received so many blessings from chivalrous fathers and diligent mothers. I just hope my life will be a bit different from my parents’.
Anyway, thanks for reading this small message if it gets through, and thank you so much for posting articles on this site, they are such an encouragement.
Sincerely
Katherine
Katherine,
For several days now I’ve been thinking about your post and meaning to write something, but actually hoping that someone wiser than I consider myself to be would answer. Don’t misunderstand, I don’t think I’m any wiser than I was yesterday but I felt someone ought to reply to your query.
One thing I myself have noticed is that many girls on Christian sites and in mags seem to have very idealic lives… not that they do, but they seem to. I too can profess to have what looks to be in writing “idealic” circumstances, but everyone has their problems.
There was a time when I was convicted of something, beyond all doubt, and one of my parents disagreed. I attempted to comply and the attempt caused unbearable pain and guilt. Eventually the situation leveled out and I was allowed to follow my conviction which the Lord has abundantly blessed.
I share this not to spark rebellion but to show you that there are others who have similar struggles. I wouldn’t think it would be wrong to seek the counsel of some godly woman in your church. Above all, and I wish I could go back and tell this to myself, pray, don’t grow bitter, and know that God knows how it’s going to end. He’s in control.
“What parents teach stays with you always. What they fail to teach can never be learned from others.”
Dear Katherine,
It’s a nice quote but it also sounds like a strong statement, particularly the second sentence. I’m not going to disagree with the statement since I don’t know the context and haven’t read the article. Nonetheless, as I said, it is a strong statement and I think that our God is always ready to send hope, always bestowing second and third and fourth chances, always ready to bring good out of difficult circumstances. That’s so encouraging! My opinion is that although parents and family and situations are certainly influential, they do not totally mold us. If you hope your life will be a bit different from your parents, I certainly don’t think that there’s any reason it can’t be.
I agree with the anonymous poster who replied before me. This is a beautiful and encouraging website, but I feel for those who come and get the wrong impression from what seem to be “idyllic” circumstances. Never think that your circumstances define who you are or even worse, that they are a measure of God’s love for you. I’ve said this before and I’m still learning it: Although God’s individual plans for each one of us are indeed perfect, it does not mean that when things go smoothly we are doing His will– nor does it mean when hardships abound that we are not following His will. The circumstances we are born into and encounter throughout life are not measures of God’s love for us– rather He shows us His love by walking beside us through it all.
I hope this was somewhat helpful…God bless you as you seek Him…I’m confident that as long as you are seeking Him, He’ll show you the way.
LM