Jessica asked:
I remember you, Lanier and couple other married women commenting that your husbands didn’t exactly meet your previously-set “expectations”, but you know now that they are perfect for you. Were you or Lanier planning on writing more and expounding on that? It’s something I’ve oftened struggled with and wondered about…what on my “list” is negotiable and what I should hold on to…?
We will be publishing Elizabeth and Lanier’s respones soon.
I recently heard the advice of a young man which applies to this question beautifully. In response to the typical girlish comment, “I doubt I’ll ever get married because there probably isn’t a guy who would fill my expectations” he made a piercing comeback.
His response:
Think through the kind of person you hope your future husband will be. Then discern “What would that man be looking for in a wife?” Now, get busy working to become just that.When you have become the kind of woman that such a man would be looking for, then and only then will he seek you out.
There is a lot of wisdom to this. I hope the thoughts of an older brother will help you in your journey. Becoming…the woman God intends for us to be.
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Wise advice.
(Shall I take a stab at who this wise young man is? ;-D)
I wonder how some of us can learn to be in such a way if we do not know what a Proverbs 31 woman looks like in any of the women around us
. Any recommendations?
Hang around here, Katherine. You’ll learn a lot.
That IS excellent advice…
I know this isn’t really advice, but it made me chuckle.
)
I just watched Anne of Green Gables (again!) and I just love the part where she is talking about her ideals in a husband. Of course, we all know who she ends marrying, and who she is rejecting the whole time she is spouting off about her ideals.
Yes, I’ve often thought that if I want someone who is this, than, and the other… then I need to BE someone who is up to par for all that.
Good point!
I appreciated that post a lot. As a single girl, I am still in that stage of discerning what sort of man I really want to marry someday, and while that is not wrong, I needed that balancing factor. Is my heart so caught up in building ideals and desires that I neglect the preparation I need to do myself?
I have truly come to believe in the last several months that if I set my heart to become the women God wants me to be, the man God brings into my life is going to be exactly what I need and desire. My prayers for my future husband consist of the same. Just that the Lord would draw his heart close to Himself. I can trust the rest in God’s hands.
Thank you again! I’m looking forward to the articles!
I had a revelation of sorts on Father’s Day. Our pastor preached on the responsibility of fathers, realizing that any man, whether a father or not should strive to reach certain personal goals and levels of excellence. I wrote these down and then compared them to areas in my own life that need instruction and improvement should I ever wish to be a wife and mother. We really shouldn’t lay all responsibility on their shoulders–expecting them to be perfect while accepting much less than that for us!
When I think about how wonderful my man is I often feel a little ashamed. I still don’t think I deserve him. And yet it seems not too long ago that I had such a long list of imperitives of what a young man ought to be, along with an ego about as tall as my list was long. I never knew I’d be telling God, Lord, I can’t possibly deserve him! Or every time I hear those three words, wanting to ask, Why? I think I’ll be striving to deserve him, as the blessing from God that he is, for the rest of my life.
Incidentally, the advice given in this post is the exact reason I have never made a “list.” (And you more than anyone, Natalie, know how much I’ve thought about it! ;-P)
There are some things that you can’t compromise on… That’s why I made a list. =) It wasn’t long. I mean, sometimes you need something on paper that tells you “HELLO!? Remember!!” It was stuff like, he has to love God, praying about courting me(or what we might call “having a special relationship”, etc.