Perfect Strength, Perfect Beauty

The post that began it all was two excerpts Gretchen drew from other sources: Manliness and Femininity. It’s premise:

Sarah asked: “[Is] being a woman, then, ‘perfect beauty under perfect control’? I think it might be. Just as a man’s strength truly comes from his courageous, persevering heart, so a woman’s beauty stems from her peaceful, trusting heart. What do you think?”

Another reader commented: “If men were simply strong, and women simply soft, I think we might find ourselves in a very unbalanced society. Think of the strong and courageous women in the Bible. I think they were much more concerned about that than being beautiful. Consider the men who chose a soft response, rather than showing off strength. I think those examples are truly powerful.”

This is of course true, as Sarah responded:

There are a lot more complications wrapped up in my statement than are readily obvious on the surface. For one thing, men and women image God together as a complement and individually. Women have courage – there’s no doubt about that. Men have their own sort of beauty too. And there we see the qualification that comes necessary. I couldn’t just say, “Men have beauty!” They have their own sort. We women have our own sort of courage.

I think that both of these emotions should be inspired by the other’s heart. A man’s perfect strength, if it exists, inspires me (a naturally strong leader) to follow. A woman’s perfect beauty will inspire a man to love. A respected man will grow stronger, and a loved woman more beautiful.

One comment that I really appreciated and have seen demonstrated beautifully lately is from Kelci:

A Godly man will recognize that she is able to do it, but will also have the servant’s heart, strength, and courage to do it for her. It is an attitude of biblical manliness that says, “Christ instructed us men to serve the ladies as Christ served His bride (the church).” This mindset says, “Because I am a man and I recognize my calling of being a Servant-leader let me have the privilege to serve you.” This is why your statement Sarah of “A man’s perfect strength, if it exists, inspires me (a naturally strong leader) to follow” is true! It is easier to follow a young man’s leadership, regardless of his age, when he is being a servant-leader as Christ was.

A godly, humble, yet strong servant-leader is a rare find these days. Certainly allowing any gentleman to open a door or otherwise treat you with the respect and honor due a lady is a good thing; however I would cautiously say that our primary focus for being an example to men and allowing them to serve us would be to family members, not “guy friends.”

As another young lady said, “A few years ago I realized I should be helping my brothers become gentlemen. So, I have been making my brothers open the car door, store doors, etc. But sometimes I do forget. While out with my bro one day recently, I pushed the store door open and marched out. My brother said, “Uh, you didn’t wait, so-and-so stands there and waits for me.” At first I was rather upset, but after thinking about it (all afternoon) I decided he wanted to take care of me, he wasn’t trying to put me down. In order for men to be men, we have to be women!”

Kelci brought up some more thoughts on friendships with guys: “They [young ladies] have either never been allowed or encouraged to be friends with guys in a godly way, (guys are not just for relationships) or have been hurt in friendships with guys, or just simply and do not know how to be friends with guys.”

This is not an issue young women can decide for themselves independently of their family and church community. Another post that I thought tied in well with this topic was Gretchen’s excerpt on Encouraging Boys to Manhood. If you believe they can be chivalrous gentlemen and loving friends, they will try to live up to your unspoken standard.

If we can accomplish this, if we can have this influence on our families and other men (in the proper context), we have succeeded in a great thing. May I say that being a woman who inspires a man to be better than he is now, to love unselfishly, to live courageously, to die with honor–being such a woman is worth more than any academic credentials, financial achievements, or lengthy resumes.

Bram commented: “As a guy, I can attest that you women have a great influence on our lives — spiritual, emotional, and mental. The influence is almost scary in its power. You can lead a man closer to God or tear him away. Realize that power and use it to God’s glory. Whether we embrace it or not, the responsibility and potential remains. The question is, how will we make use of this gift and task given by God?”

Next, Lanier gave us a simply fabulous piece on Femininity that should be required reading! Doesn’t this truth resonate deep inside every young lady? “There are no knights in shining armor to rescue and defend. There are no beautiful princesses who live happily ever after with their loving prince. Not in the Real World.”

I certainly bought into this lie for a while in college. Praise the Lord for His mercy and grace in proving me wrong! There are a few valiant warriors left in this world who will fight for their sisters, wives, mothers, and daughters. How tempting it is for us to withdraw from friendships because we’ve been hurt and disappointed. Yet we are commanded to function as part of the Body of Christ irregardless of how we feel or what we have experienced.

“In Christ and in His relationship with His Bride the Church we see the ideal of masculinity and femininity. He nurtures and protects. She reverences and adores. He stoops to serve her. She is raised to a position of honor by her acceptance of his leadership. Is there anything more beautiful—or more romantic?”

This is so so beautiful! I know that I, as a woman, most crave to be cherished and protected. Often our bids for superiority and control are frantic gropings for security are they not?

Sarah then posed the question: Is that love, then? To be so concerned with the other’s well-being that one forgets oneself? There is no need to exert one’s will if all one’s desires are fully met. Is that what we have been talking about all along with submission and marriage?

Bethany commented with another perspective: “I think that gody femininity comes in different forms for everyone but that it is something that is important, and something that most of the time does not just appear naturally in a life. I think rather than an outward appearance, which will be different for all people, godly womanhood is a reflection of the inner life coming under Christ’s submission.”

Laura Leigh added into a discussion on how our focus can be on serving others yet maintaining our own inner reserves: “When I am too busy-whether serving God or just clutting my life with activities-I tend to become discouraged, and lose my focus on the Lord. I need time to recharge, take a few moments alone with Him, and maybe just enjoy the beauty of God’s creation, or read a book, or relax with music or a cup of tea. I don’t want to be self-centered, but I also think that it is important to have a balance in this area of my life. Without balance, everything, perhaps even service, can become a hindrance to me.”

Katie added a perspective we must remember to maintain balance in all of this:

In our women’s Bible study at church, we are studying “Spiritual Mothering” by Susan Hunt. One thing that she says applies well to this discussion of spirituality and femininity: “When the Holy Spirit produces faith in a women, she becomes a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). A dramatic result of her newness is her even greater potential for the development of this female capacity. The Christian woman not only has a new Pattern, she has a new Power.”

Through Christ, we are given the power to serve others with our femininity. That is why Christ says that we must be “Mary”s before “Martha”s–if we don’t sit at His feet first, then we will not have to power to serve others.

As women, we are created and called to fill a need in this world. A life lived for the glory of Christ is inherently risky, yet once you’ve experienced it, there is no going back to the old ways. Nothing else will satisfy.

Thank you for all your insights and thoughts, my friends. As we move on to other discussions and new lessons, may our words be seasoned with grace and our hearts eager to serve one another in love.